Alfred Had Nothing On Ankaboot

One of my major concerns about when Zack is gone is my lack of a spider killer. Every year in the fall, well all 2 of them, that I've been in this house the spider problem is terrifying. From the windows in our house we can see the bigger than a half dollar size spiders crawling around in the bushes in front of the house.
When it was just Haley and I the spiders inside the house were a much much larger issue. I don't know why. They were EVERYWHERE. We had this super massive lint roller (read: intense dog hair problem) that looked like a paint roller. It was on a super long extendable poll thingy. Haley and I rolled several spiders from a safe 6 feet away while screaming and hopping like lunatics. It was touch and go, and I made the landlord hire someone to spray, but we lived.
Last year we met Alfred.
Alfred was a spider the size of a hamster. He was big enough that I knew his name from reading his name tag. He came to terrify me by building a web right in front of my living room windows every night, that reached just close enough to the porch banister that I thought Hank would get caught in it. Every night he looked at me through the window while I shook, with all 100 of his creepy little eye balls. For months he showed up every night around 6pm and was gone, web included, by the time I woke up in the morning. Sneaky little bastard.
I'm pretty sure Alfred had to work very early in the morning, so he had to pack it up and get their on time. Thank God Hay and I made such a spectacle of spider killing, because I think Alfred heard about it. Which is why he never let me catch his big ass in my house.
Regardless, Alfred was something I talked about on facebook on the regular. His presence, even outside, haunted me. All of my friends were aware of Alfred and when Zack was home he and his friends would stand on the porch and smoke while I stared at Alfred hoping the second hand smoke would cause him to contract an illness. This went on for months, and Zack refused to put out a hit on the little bastard because he said he ate the mosquitoes and other bugs and that Alfred was probably the reason that we didn't really have an indoor spider problem. This theory was of no consequence to me, and gave me nightmares about him eating smaller spiders. It was horrifying.
Then came what should have been D day for Alfred, but what turned out to be the day I wanted to burn the house down and build a new one, and move out of it just for good measure.
Zack and Doug had been drinking, and I had a headache, so I went to bed at about midnight. When Zack smokes he usually leaves the front door open, because he likes to talk to the people in the house. Even when there's no one in the living room, out of habit, he leaves the door open. Meaning I could hear went on that night.
I like to listen to the drunken ramblings of my husband and his friends because they're absolutely silly. That night they were discussing using my spray deodorant and a lighter to, essentially, blow torch Alfred. I immediately yelled out to tell them I did not want them to burn the house down, and I was pretty sure if they lit him on fire he would just run his humungous flaming ass into the house to call 911. It was a disaster in the making, and I advised against it.
Well, like a lot of the things I advise drunk people against, they decided this was the best plan of action and I was too tired to deal with the nonsense. I crossed my fingers and fell asleep.
The next thing I know, probably about 10 minutes later, I heard women screaming outside at the top of their lungs. They were screaming and yelling "Under the stair! Move the stair!" And then more loud squealing screams. The women sounded like they were being chased by a tiger and I thought maybe Zack and Doug caught the neighbors house on fire and the girls who live next door ran out only to be greeted by a flaming Alfred. In that case the screaming made sense. So I jumped up and ran out to the living room to see what was happening.
To my surprise the only women yelling were Zack and Doug. And they were doing the familiar spider killing hop and scream that Haley and I had done. They were standing in the yard trying to gain control of their flailing limbs when I came out. It was hilarious, but I was relieved because I assumed that, like when Hay and I did the hop and scream, Alfred had seen his last days.
Alas, I was incorrect.
Apparently what had happened was that they had set Alfred's web ablaze and Alfred casually hopped on to the ground (when the woman screaming began). My brave USN Sailors then moved the single cement stair next to the porch to 'get him' and just as they did... a SNAKE slithered out from underneath. Causing the hilarious limb flailing and my sudden urge to burn the house down.
Why me?? WHY ME??
That was the day I discovered my husband is also scared of spiders. And snakes. Maybe not to my extent, he could still take them out sober in broad day light with a shoe, but he was definitely a little frightened of MASSIVE man spiders when intoxicated, and he doesn't like snakes much either.

** Side note** Alfred showed up again several days later, only this time he was more aggressive and hung from the screen door. 

I locked Zack out of the house and told him he could live in it again when he got rid of Alfred. I recorded the Shoe Vs Spider showdown, and on that glorious day the Shoe won.  

The snake, or rather a snake, met it's match with the lawn mower a few days after that.****

Welp.

Today my mom sent me a message about how my brother saw something on the Discovery Channel about massive spiders in Bahrain. So I did some googling... holy shit.

Meet Ankaboot (spider in Arabic)

I hate the idea of not being with Zack, but I have never ever been so happy to not be going to Bahrain with him before in my LIFE. Holy balls.

You may now take pause and itch all over.

I wont post any more terrible pictures of Bahraini spiders here. Google it though, if you're brave. They're massive. And they're aggressive.

I'm going to put the Shoe Vs Spider showdown on a DVD for Zack to take with him to Bahrain. If he's smart he will play it on a loop in his barracks so that the spiders tell their spider friends what a spider killing badass Zack is.  

You and I will know the truth, but they don't need to know. 

I've Got... Readers... In Different Area Codes

Let me show you all something super cool.

United States 864

Canada 51

South Korea 47

India 18

United Arab Emirates 10

Russia 5

Slovenia 5

Germany 4

Denmark 4

Bahrain 4

When you blog, at least on blogger, you can see all sorts of really cool statistics about where your readers are from, what posts they're reading, how they got to your blog and etc. Above is my audience from the last month. 864 readers in the United states in a month, is enough to be pretty excited about. I think it's pretty cool anyway. I wont lie though, it's pretty crazy for me to think about people in other countries reading about my craziness.
Most of my readers are military wives and girlfriends, and that's pretty sweet. We're a cool group, and we're all over the world. It's safe to assume a lot of my foreign readers are the women who make sure our husbands are awake on time to go save the world.
Even though I mention Bahrain pretty frequently, it's safe to say my Bahrain readers are all Zack's friend Brian who is currently stationed there.
It's like having pen pals all over the world.

This means when the husband goes to Bahrain I can see whether or not he's reading my ramblings. It's important that he does.

Speaking of Zack. He is on base doing some out processing paper work. It makes me a little ill I won't lie. I hate the idea of him processing out of Offutt. I like our lives here. Because we are here. Here, we are still a we. We go do things.
This morning (at an unreasonably early 7am) Zack was upset with me because I didn't want to get up and rush around to get ready to go to the dentist with him. I kept asking him, from bed, why he wanted me to go and he absolutely broke my heart when he said "because we do everything together. We're lovers. We're buddies. We're best friends." But by then, it was too late for me to go. So I stayed home and felt guilty about not going, and about sleeping so well after he left with only Hank in bed.
Blech.
He did it on purpose, I'm sure. And the dentist gave him a fat lip.

Welp. That's about all there is for today, kiddos. In the spirit of my worldly readership, leave a comment and let me know where you're from!

xoxo

All You Can Eat

I can not get enough of my husband lately. To the point that I may be driving him crazy. When he's awake everything's fine and when he's not at work everything is fine. I like him at a normal level. Like a normal person. But when he's sleeping or at work, I can't seem to tell him I love him enough. At least 20 times a day I have to go and bother kiss him while he's sleeping. I just know that my days are numbered with him before Bahrain. So if I think about kissing him or squeezing him even for a second. I do it. I just do. It doesn't matter what I'm doing.
I'm going to miss him so much.
What will I do without my all I can eat hugs??

Ugh. Anyways.

I've lost my keys. We rarely drive my car since it had 6 miles on it when I got it and I met Zack a month after that, and suddenly it has almost 20,000 miles on it less than 2 years later. Since I haven't been in my car since last Wednesday when Linny and I got sushi, your guess is as good as mine as to where they are. (Seriously, where do you think they are??) Since then, I have locked myself out of the house TWICE. Both times with Sam and Chelsea. Even after locking myself out twice, I didn't realize until yesterday that I have no earthly idea where they may be. This presents several problems.
The first being that there is no food in my house. Zack has a spare key to my car, so if I would just remember to get it from him before he leaves for work I could go buy groceries. But I don't remember. And I'm a terrible grocery shopper.

Not impossible.

So I'm cutting this post short, because ladies and gentleman, I am on a mission. I will find these keys. I'm going to go buy groceries and belly casting supplies. My cousin has graciously agreed to allow me to experiment with belly casting on her prego belly so that when I am a certified Doula, I can add belly casting to my services. I'm super excited to try it, and fairly confident that I will be amazing at it. I'll post pictures when it's done.

Okey Doke! Wish me luck!!

Something To Get Excited About

This week has been a whirlwind. Just when we got that stupid packet and I was as bummed as ever, all the stars lined up and God sent me some things I could get excited about.

Going through all the packet stuff was horribly depressing. Not just for me, but also for Zack. For the first time since we found out he was going to have to leave (I think) having to go to Bahrain was real for Zack, too. He was super bummed. The whole day basically sucked. We couldn't cheer each other up, and for the following 3 days we fought like crazy, including one major episode in front of Doug and Linny (Sorry about that guys), it was probably the worst fight we've ever had. Naturally, it happened when we had people staying at our house. Extremely embarrassing.

Things were not good.

Then we realized Zack would be home for our one year anniversary. His "no later than" date is after our May 7th Anniversary, so he won't have to leave until a few days after. Even though him leaving later than expected is a blessing and a curse, since he will then be back later, we were both instantly very excited about him being home for our anniversary. Things started to look up, which was amazing.

I've said on here before that hanging out with my friend Chelsea and her husband Sam and especially their beeb Brylie, instantly makes me feel better. They are the very best friends a girl can ask for and I love them so much. Last week was no exception, and actually, was a perfect example. Chelsea is always the first person to tell me Zack loves me and we're both just stressed, she's the first person I know will text me back no matter what time it is, and she is a like-mind when it comes to things i'm interested in.
Chels is a strong advocate for gentle birthing and attached parenting, which is my FAVORITE subject. After a few days of being down I spent the day with Chelsea and Brylie and a few of their friends, one of which is Chelsea's rockstar doula. Chels and I spent a few days talking about her and what an awesome career she had and how much I would love it and how it would suit me before I realized that's exactly what I should be doing.
The next morning I did some research and discussed it with the people closest to me, and just a few days later here I sit, enrolled in Doula training, waiting patiently for my July training conference and looking at a required reading list of about 30 books I can't wait to read.

I am excited!

For the first time EVER I know what I want to be when I grow up! I am made to work in the birth field, and not the hospital medical route either. I know that God has brought me this opportunity and waited so long for me to see what I wanted to do so that I could find out now, and have something to be so so excited about even though my husband is leaving for a year. Perfect timing!

Plus, this will help me get my pregnancy and birth fix in while I'm waiting my turn.


Woohoo!


I couldn't wait to share this news with you all :) I'll keep you all updated on the process!


Okay, so I know this isn't the Bahrain post, but I hate that post. I don't even want to finish writing it. Eventually I will, and I'm sure it will be an anticlimactic read for all of you. I just don't like to think about it. So, I'm postponing for now. I hope you all understand.

I'm off to color my hair back to a more natural, less red, color. I'll talk to you all again soon!

Oh, Man.

Welp.

There's a TON of stuff to go through in the packet still. To be clear the packet is virtual. It's not an actual packet. It's more like an email. Just called a packet, and it's all information about what he should expect as far as traveling to and living in Bahrain. We've known he was going to Bahrain for a long time (Since Septemberish), we being his friends and fam, and you all here on TGIMolly. This is just info.

Here's a fun fact from said "packet". With a tiny little 30 day quarantine when they got there and one when they got back, Zack could pretty easily Take Lucyfer with him to Bahrain. Then, she'd be like 2 when she came back, and just way more mellow I'm sure. I've discovered she's sweet and mellow overnight until about 7am or so, then crazy biter ninja-attack kitty comes out. She stays out pretty much all day, then returns to mega sweet cuddle baby around 8pm or so when she wants to sleep. Sigh. I hope that when I get a job I work the hours demon kitty is out.

So, obviously this is not the "Bahrain Part II" post. Instead it's a post about how that post still isn't ready. There's a lot of information in there though, and I need to get the post approved by the husband, since I can never quite tell what I can and can not share with the blogosphere without getting in trouble with the Navy. But the post's will come soon.

In the mean time I want to let everyone following my blog know how cool that is =) it's always exciting to see I have a new follower, especially if it's someone I never expected or even people I don't know. That rocks. I love doing this, and I hope that I can keep doing it forever. So I'm hoping you guys will keep reading.

I wanted to add another sweet video to todays post, because I am newly obsessed with homecoming videos. So here's another one, it will definitely make you cry.

Hold Please

Zack got his "Welcome to Bahrain packet". It made both of us sadder than we thought it would. While, I go through that information and put some of it together for a blog post, I thought I'd post a video for your enjoyment. (Thanks for sending me this Linny) I can't wait for homecoming. Man, I can't wait for homecoming.

I love this video, and the song is fabulous.

My Crazy

I have serious issues. I'm sure something is wrong with me, as usual.

I have had this strange lump at the top of my neck, under my chin kinda. It's like the size of a marble. It's been with me for over a year now, so it must not be anything super awful, but I'm sure I should have it looked at.

When I first discovered this mysterious addition I went to the internets, to some random Dr. site and frantically typed in "HELP" in the subject line and my issue in the body. Days later I got replies from people telling me it is probably a lymph node or (because I mentioned I suspected it) a result of some sort of infection from my tongue ring, maybe a cyst, etc. etc. I took out my tongue ring. I still think that's probably the cause but I don't know. 

I also texted hundreds of my friends and relatives with any medical experience to see if I was in trouble, they all told me I probably wasn't. And that was that.I had a legitimate medical issue,

I drive everyone crazy, with the internet. Thank goodness the internet exists or I probably wouldn't have any friends. 

Well, right now, at this stage of Hypochondria, I'd like to share this story with you. As most of you know, for a period of time Zack and I were trying to get pregnant. Basically in the time we thought we were going to be gone together. From around July to October I'd say. Unfortunately, we were unsuccessful. Or fortunately, if that's how you choose to see it. But at the time there was nothing that could keep me from constantly bothering my friend Chelsea, and my husband with questions. "Do you think my runny nose is an indicator? I'm having crazy dreams, I bet I am. I'm one to three minutes late, I'm sure this is it." How I wish it would have been it, but it wasn't and that's ok.

Well, last night I found myself frantically searching the interweb for an answer to a question, I'm sure a lot of people ask... I was in the bath tub and suddenly I realized, that as unlikely (extremely) as it is, there was a tiny possibility I could have been pregnant. So I found babygaga.com, as I frequently did when I wanted to be pregnant before, and I frantically asked a question under the subject "I'm sort of panicing... hot baths??", it read "So, I just took a super hot bath, which I do at least once a day to relax- my hubs is about to deploy- anyway while in the bathtub I realized I'm kind of 'late', I've been kind of cramping and it doesn't start, and today I had really mild chest pains, none of which are completely uncharachteristic for me, but there's still a chance my eggo might be prego   which would be awesome, as unlikely as it is. Anyway I'm concerned I was just boiling in the bathtub and boiling my (unlikely) unborn child?? Does anyone know if I just made a huge mistake?? I know its a no-no, but should I be freaking out? Thanks for your help!"

I'm embarassed. Of course, everyone told me I was fine. And I woke up this morning feeling really silly for even asking the question but an hour before I was crying over a Brodkeys commercial. I don't even surprise myself with my crazy any more.

This is what I'm dealing with here kids. My baby-fever is at an all time high, my hypochondria is at an all time high, my stress is at an all time high, lets be honest, my crazy is at an all time high. 

I cry about everything. My body is confused. Let me tell you why, my husband is leaving. It's not fair. I'm stressed, and I'm depressed, and I'm trying really hard to put a smile on all of it. Most days I am legitimately happy and feeling good about everything. But some days, like last night, I am a whack-job. 

But I'm ok. I'm going to be ok. 

I'm Going to Be FIne

Today has been a long day. I've been cleaning my house. Not just cleaning, I mean like deep cleaning. It was in complete disarray, so any kind of cleaning was welcomed by both my house, and my husband. My living room and bathroom are the cleanest they've been since I moved into this house. It's ridiculous. However, I have broken each and everyone of my Kim Kardashian glamorous finger nails. For some reason when I clean obsessively I slowly fall apart. My back aches, my feet suddenly feel freezing and go numbish, my skin gets dry, my lips immediately chap, and most concerning my nails get dry and break... yet, my husband doesn't feel this is a sign that I am to immediately stop cleaning and hire a cleaning service.

Our house is over run with animal hair. So much so that I almost considered naming this post Shaving the Kitty, which I immediately rethought... not really the type of reader I'm looking to get. Not on this blog anyway.
I won't pretend that Lucy is even one fifth of our animal hair problem, although her stripey hair is increasingly becoming an issue, it is mostly my big sheddy Hank. He makes no apologies about it, and the benefits of Hank's love far outweigh the fact that all black clothing Zack and I wear has to be kept in our cars, and we have to put it on in the driveway. Making wearing black pants uncomfortable for us, and our neighbors.
I have a dyson, and it rocks, and it still is a constant battle to tame the detached main of my zoo. It's really awful. But I try... yes I do.

Our dish washer is broken as well. It's one of those mobile ones that rolls around the floor when drunk people  lean on it. It was never really reliable for clean dishes, but for the first 18 months or so that I lived here, a couple cycles did the job. It has however, completely forsaken me. Bastard. Now it sits angrily in the corner of my kitchen, mocking me, unused and in my way. So I have been HAND WASHING dishes, for the first time in my life. So much for being the kept, trophy wife I thought I was. It dries out my hands and nails in a way that you can not imagine.
My nails are screaming, and they sound like a tiny Vietnamese woman named Susie who works at my nail place. They beg me to get acryllic nails and forget about how great my nails grow on their own when taken care of. But I can't. It's too danged expensive, and I just cant forget how awesome my nails look when they get to grow on their own. I'm not ready to give up on them.

My carpet is perpetually spotted. Our carpet is white, because my landlord is a sadist. I don't know what he was thinking when he filled this house full of white easily stainable carpet but it wasn't "Some day I'm going to rent this house out to a funny young woman, her muddy husband, her great big dog, and their occasional potty trained-challenged foster dogs. So, I think we will go with white carpet. Yep." No sir, it was not.

Bah. I hate cleaning. I'm the worst cleaner, but when I start, you better just leave me alone because I'm not stopping. Which is why demon kitty has been quarantined to her room most of the day, I was certain if I stepped on her tail one more time it was going to result in a pricey vet visit.

I haven't checked facebook, all day. I don't know what's on anyone's mind right now, and it is strangely freeing but extremely unfamiliar. I could think about nothing other than shiny sinks (Thank you Flylady), Windexed mirrors, and getting everything organized all the live long day.

Here's the thing, I think if I just stay this busy every day Zack is gone, I should be A OK. I have all sorts of things planned for the year from hell.
I'm going to workout every day, except for maybe Sunday. Just because nobody likes anyone who works out everyday and public approval is very important to me.
I'm going to go to weight watchers because I'm getting boudoir or pin up photos done as a Valentine's day present for my husband in 2012, (which I'm writing more about later) and I plan to be even cuter.
I'm going to work and make some money and since I'll be so busy, I hope to have no time to spend any of it and be super ready for baby beautiful eyes as soon as Zack gets back.
I'm going to play with all of the babies of the people around me lucky enough to get knocked up recently. That is going to be spectacular.
I'm going to start cutting coupons like it never went out of style. I don't care if I look like your Grandma in the grocery store. It's going to be sweet.
I'm also playing coed softball with two of my favorite people in the world, Chelsea and Sam. I'm really excited about that.
I'm going to volunteer my behind off for SOLAS, for Precious Memories, and for any other thing I can get into. Volunteering makes me SO happy. It's disturbing.
I'm going to blog and talk to you all a lot. Because I just love you so much.
Plus I'm going to be spending a lot of time shipping care packages to my husband and skypeing and talking to him as much as possible.

My point, dear kiddies, in this crazy long post is a three parter: 1: Everything in my house is falling apart, and is likely to get worse when my husband leaves. 2: I don't mind because it will keep me so busy trying to keep up with everything. and Finally, I'm going to be fine. Even though if I think about it for more than a minute I am likely to cry uncontrollably with no foreseeable end, but why in the world would I think about it for more than a minute?! Just like when he's gone, I'm going to take every day one minute at a time.


***Love you guys, thanks for reading. Recently I've been getting a lot of super positive feedback about TGIMolly and I'm so proud. I would say about 90% of my monthly readers are military wives, so if any one of you would like to write a guest blog post I would absolutely love that. Also, don't forget it's so easy to comment at the bottom of these posts and let me know what you think.***

Security

Alright. I had about 3000 super sad negative things to write about today. But I've stifled them. Instead I've decided to blog about how everyone keeps telling me I should worry about my impending house invasion and consequent attack while Zack is in Bahrain.
Here's the thing, I've lived by myself before. I have a big dog. A big 90 pound german shepherd mix, with big teeth. Hank. Scary right?
Wrong.
Does this look like a scary animal to you?

Holly and Hank Sleeping

Hank and Zack kissing

Doug and Hank Sleeping

He's the sweetest baby in the world 99.8% of the time. Unless you're a bunny, you're traveling down the street on a motorized wheel chair, you have a jimmy johns sandwich in your hand, you're hitting me, or you move to quickly and are not... um... caucasian... (he's a racist. I apologize. We've talked about it. He's working on it.) you're Hank's bestie. He loves everyone. He has a little bit of a nervous licking habit and will lick your hands off, or your face if you're close enough. And my little cousin Zach will testify that if you are sitting in the front seat of my car, he will ignore that you exist.

Exhibit A

He's a marshmellow.

Aside from one instance where Linny approached my door in the middle of the night and he acted like he might take her out, I have no reason to believe he would scare anyone away. He likes the mailman. When the mailman reaches our house, Hank relaxes and plays with him until he hands him a treat. 

So, the problem is, everyone thinks I'm going to be raped. Many of the people close to me are concerned that I am going to be unsafe by myself for a year. It is concerning, sure. But what am I going to do??

I have an alarm system on my home, it has however had issues connecting to the company that installed it. Meaning, unless there is a fire, the police are not always called. It's just a very loud annoying noise for a rapist to have to put up with until I put the code in or a neighbor calls the police, about 10% of the time. I have to hope that my intruder is also an arsonist if I want the alarm to really be 100% effective. But they don't know that. So, I've played in my head what I would say to them "Excuse me sir, that alarm system you hear,  yeah it just called the police. They should be here soon. I'm not playing. Go. Quit petting the dog. Scram bucko!".

Ineffective? Perhaps. I think I'll have that checked. 

Zack wants me to get a gun. Which I am absolutely not going to do. I don't want a gun in my home. It's too easy to have an accident. I'm pretty sure I'd just be providing the assailant a weapon. I have on occasion tried to give my husband a dose of his own fracking medicine and shoot him with his stupid nerf gun, he immediately apprehends said gun and I am pelted with dozens of tiny nerf bullets. It's annoying. I fear that with a real gun, the outcome with an intruder could be far more fatal. 

I don't want a gun.

I have, as recently as a couple of weeks ago, fostered dogs in the past. Usually tiny dogs, but I could get a bigger scarier one... I mean, one with a scary bark and a big head. But Hank likes being an only child and I think he was happy to see the last foster leave. I'm pretty sure he's waiting for Lucy the adorable demon kitty to find a new home. Sorry Bud, she's staying. Unless she jumps on this keyboard one more time while I'm blogging....

So, what to do?? I'm interested in what other military wives do during deployment. I know lots of people move in with their parents, which is super not happening. We all get along better when I live somewhere else. Plus Hank sheds and my parent's cat tried to eat Lucy. 

I could get a roomie I guess. The last time it was pretty fun.

hm.

I can't wait for this stupid year to be over.

Excuse Me, How Did This Happen?

It's strange to look forward to 2012 the first day of 2011.

I try to stay positive. Every time I have a negative thought, I try to spin it in to a positive. Lately even, a lot of people have been telling me "It's good that you're staying so positive." If you are one of the people who counts on me for positivity or if it will break your heart to read something else, please skip this post. I'm very sorry.
Well. I have to be honest.
I already feel like 2011 can suck it.
As far as I'm concerned after March, or April, I think I'll just go ahead and hibernate until Zack gets back. Please see the post with the sign up sheet for feeding Hank and Lucy. I expect all of you to participate. Thanks so much =)
I liked 2010. I was comfortable there. It made everything seem far away. Writing a date that ended in 2010 meant that it wasn't even the YEAR Zack would have to leave. I had all the time in the world. Now I feel like it's slipping through my fingers. I don't know what to do about it either. It's frustrating. It makes my heart beat faster than I'm comfortable with.
I'm trying to enjoy every moment with my husband, but then my expectations are so high that I end up being disappointed. Everything bums me out.
And, listen, it's day one. So if I want to be a little negative, damnit I will be.
ok?
It's hard.
My friend Brenna's husband is leaving the same time Zack is and she has a baby girl. Can you imagine? She's a great mom, so I know she will be fine, but it's going to be awful. No one enjoys this. And she's leaving me, and moving away.
I'm going to spend a lot of time by myself I think. I'm ok with that. I've always felt like people are so judgey when you're sad. Or competitive, like they have to prove they're sadder.
I know I'm lucky to have my husband. To have found love, the person I'm supposed to be with. That only makes him leaving harder. Some days I can get far enough from the situation that I'm ok, and I can be someone who says "psh, it's only a year". Today, is not one of those days.
I see myself becoming violently angry while he's gone... I swear to goodness, one person tells me to suck it up-- I'll cut them. I will go to jail. Please remember that before you tell me, I signed up for this.
Ugh.
I have to get a job. I'd like to work until I can't remember what day it is.
I feel actual guilt about writing this post... I wish I could be positive all the time but sometimes I can't not cry. Ya feel me? Sometimes it's overwhelming.
I'm not asking for sympathy. I am glad you read this though, it means a lot to me. I swear these poor me posts will be few and far between. Today I am just... shocked. I feel like it sneaked up on me, I guess.

OH, and if I hear "Oh na na, what's my name??" one more time... Listen, it won't be pretty.

Well what a bummer that post was.
To lighten things up, here's an adorable picture of the love of my life and the boy who introduced us, Doug. Coincidently Doug is leaving for Japan soon, and is going to be gone for like... 2 years or 3 years or something. It's obscene. His girlfriend, Linny, is honestly a saint for powering through a long distance relationship for that long.
Annoying... anyway, here's one of their pictures.

Ready Or Not

What a year it's been. I decided to do one of those "My year in random facebook photo's from this year" apps on facebook. Just a little rearranging and here's a little bit of the big moments from 2010. 

The first grainy picture where I look like I haven't seen the sun in months, was at the superbowl party where Zack met most of my Dad's side of the family for the first time. It's also the night he told most of them he was going to propose to me one day. 

The second picture is from when we got married but I put it there to symbolize how he proposed a month later on Feb 21st. It was one of the most exciting days of my life so far. 

The third picture is of my baby, Hank, with a sign that says I miss you. That makes me smile because our house/dog sitter sent it to me when we went on vacation in March-April to Indiana for 3 weeks so I could meet Zack's family before we got married. I love them so much and I'm so glad we went.

The fourth picture is Zack, Me and Kenzie, our niece. This was from the first night we were there, we all went to a mexican restaurant to eat. I was nervous for about 2 minutes. I was always supposed to be in their family. They made me feel welcome, like one of them, from the moment I got there. I love them so much =)

The fifth picture is Zack and I getting ready to go to a wedding in Indiana for one of his cousins, we had so much fun. The whole trip was really amazing. I am so lucky to be a part of their family. 

The sixth terrible quality snapshot is me with T at my bachelorette party, at the end of April. I was ... hammered... as they say. ha. To the point where there are pictures of me standing against a wall by myself repeatedly blowing my penis whistle and singing to myself. I looked hot that night but those pictures just look like I was massacred drunk. And I was.  

The seventh and eighth pictures are from the best day of this year, the day I became a Williams, the day I married my heart, my hero, my best friend.. aww sigh. May 7th. It was such a good day. The ninth picture is from the bar we went to afterwards to knock a few back. I never said we were classy =)

The tenth and eleventh pictures are from a vacation to lake Okoboji we took with my family in September. I love being with Zack and my family, or his family, because it feels like we were all supposed to be together. I belong with Zack's fam, and he belongs with mine. It's really the strangest most delightful feeling, and one I'd never experienced before Zack. 

The next (12th) picture is of Zack in our driveway before starting our 5th long road trip together in less than 8 months. We were on our way to Chicago, in September, to see my friend Pat, and to see our friends Nick and Heather get married (and Zack was in their wedding). We love Pat, Nick, and Heather, so the ride was tolerable. We also got to surprise Zack's mom and step-dad and sweet sister (they all cried =) ) in Indiana for a day or two, and see our new baby nephew Max. He and Kenzie are the cutest kids alive. 

The thirteenth picture is of our new baby Lucy who is such a pain in the ass  joy. We love her so very much and even though she makes me want to throw her outside to fend for herself pull my hair out, on occasion, I can not imagine our lives without her. She's usually very sweet, and too cute for words.

The fourteenth picture is from a day I'd been waiting for since I met Zack, and definitely since I married him. His 21st birthday. It was a success, in that he was puking in the parking lot and the bouncer didn't want to let him back in the bar by the end of the night. We all had fun.

The next picture is both our babies, my little loves, snuggling together on the couch. Until we make a beeb I will continue to love them at an unhealthy level. Also, Lucy has a Christmas sweater on in that picture. Don't judge me.

And the last picture is my current fav of us, at Christmas. I sure do love that Sailor.

2010 was a good year for me. The best yet, I could say. So I'm sad to see it go. 

Goodbye 2010, my friend, thanks for everything. I'll never forget you =)

And a toast for those of you getting crazy tonight--

If the ocean were vodka and I was a duck, I'd swim to the bottom and never come up. But the ocean's not vodka and I'm not a duck, so pass me the bottle and shut the hell up=)

Happy New Year err'body!

My Appreciation

Hello kiddies! How are all of  you? I hope you all had a fantastic Christmas. Mine was magical, I soaked up every moment with my family and my hubs.

Christmas Eve - It's disgusting how much I love him.

It was amazing and we were spoiled. I appreciated it this year more than ever before, for several reasons. Sure it was in the forefront of my mind that next year will be hard while Zack is in Bahrain, even if I do get to go there. I appreciated spending time with my family. 

But this year I also remembered to appreciate being in a warm house, with an obscene amount of food, and more than enough presents to go around. 

The day before Christmas Eve Zack and I went with several other members of my family to volunteer for the Christmas party at a Christian daycare for the children of the working poor. It was so humbling and I want to take a moment to briefly share a little of my experience.

I have to stop quick and give a shout out here to my Aunt Mary who made a lot of things happen for these kids this year and several previous years and also asked Zack and I to come this year. And another big shout out to my Uncle Rod, who is the nicest, coolest, sweetest man alive and has played Santa to the 100+ screaming kids for the past several years like a champ. As well as Stacy who braved a fear of the "just bombed for bugs" building and sweated her way through the day, and who raised Cody and Zach (who also came) who are just about the coolest kids I've ever met and who are always, always willing to help someone out. And of course, to my Zack, who I saw in a different light helping little kids, even if he did gag at the smell of a freshly soiled diaper on the baby floor. 

I have unbelievably generous and kind family members. Back to what I was saying...

I have never "went without" as they say. I was blessed with amazing parents who loved me and were blessed with jobs that allowed them to provide more than enough for my brother and I. They worked hard, and often, and they were still the best parents anyone could have asked for. (Don't tell them I said that). 

I wont go in to how many cars they've bought my brother and I, how many trips they've paid for, what bills they still pay... They're amazing. I've always known this and appreciated them.

Then I went to Precious Memories...

I knew before I got there that there were a lot of kids and that most of them only got the presents they would be getting at this party. When we walked in to the basement to meet Angy (who is a Saint, this place is ran by Saints) we were surrounded by over 100 full trash bags of donated gifts. I was overwhelmed. We helped sort them and asked her which bag went to which kid, and which kid went to which pile, indicating the floor they were on in the building, the fact that she not only remembered each kids name but their age and which floor they were on was beyond my comprehension. 

After all of the sorting was finished while my uncle got all Santa'd up, we went to talk to the kiddies. The afore mentioned Saints talked to the kids about what was going to happen and they sang songs and talked about the Christmas story and how there was no room at the inn. It was very sweet to see all of the kids so anxious.

Then came Santa, and the glee from the kids made me so happy, and so sad. One at a time they each got a chance to sit on Santa's lap and get a picture and their stocking filled with candy, then they got their (usually bigger than them) bag of presents. 

Needless to say they were very grateful.

It was a lot more emotional for me than I had intended. 

It's emotional for me now, because I'm a huge baby. 

One of the kids was having a conversation with one of the ladies that works there. He asked "Will there be popcorn of chips at the party?" She told him there would be popcorn AND chips, and pudding cups, and sandwiches, and juice, and all sorts of other food to eat for lunch afterwards. The little boy literally squealed. 

There were kids who's parents came and wouldn't let them open their gifts so that they had something to open Christmas morning. There were kids who screamed and got excited for underwear and socks. There were kids who drug their trashbags through the line to get lunch with them after opening because they didn't want the gifts out of their site. They were so proud of their stuff. They were so dang cute. There were babies there who were days old all the way to school age kids, and none forgotten. It rocked.

I can't wait to go back.

The moral of my story is, I appreciate that I will probably never have to wonder where my next meal will come from. I appreciate that I never did have to wonder. I have a whole new appreciation for new socks and underwear, and all of the other presents I would have hated as a kid. My family is blessed. And no matter what happens, or what job I start working and what my hours are, I will always make time to give back. Because I'm spoiled. And Blessed. 

Going there was definitely worth the cold I got almost immediately after leaving.

Sigh, so, who's coming with me? 

The One He Fights For (military girlfriends/spouse tribute)

Attention military wives, watch this video. It rocks.

More blog later, but for now feast your eyes =)

So, You Think You Want To Marry A Sailor? Part I

Recently a few of my friends have said silly things to me about how they would love to date someone in the Navy/Military, and I feel this needs to be addressed my little tag chasers. Being married to someone who is married to the military is not all Christmas parties, and halloween parties, and moving fun places, and awesome benefits, etc. Although, there is a lot about it that's fun, a lot about claiming a sailor/soldier/airmen/marine is pretty suckful.

So this post will be dedicated to a few things I've learned and things I wish I'd known, I'm certain I would have made the same decisions I've made as far as my relationship is concerned it would have been nice to be prepared with this info.

Sailors know how to partay.

That's pretty much the jist of it. Sailors drink and party like... sailors. They're loud, and obscene, and they're frequently naked for reasons unknown, but they are fun. And that makes command parties a good time. Recently I saw a bunch of drunken sailors sing and dance to "I'm on a boat", it was absolutely hysterical. This is a definite pro, Zack and friends are very entertaining.

Nick and Zack at the command Christmas Party

Pride.

This is a given. There's nothing like being seen with a man in uniform, sigh. Plus, they're so sexy.

Hooyah Navy!



BAH does not happen immediately.

BAH or basic allowance for housing, does not come right after you get married. BAH pays your rent, and that rocks. However, when we first got married we already basically lived together and were managing to pay rent with my unemployment. We did however have to eat a lot of ramen. When we got married we were sort of counting on our housing allowance to kick in... it didn't happen on the first check... then it didnt happen on the second.... or the third...

A lot of paperwork has to be done and by that point Zack had no idea what the problem was. It finally came down to making sure the paperwork was completed and re-completed that he had indeed checked out of the barracks.

To check out of the barracks we had to clean, like really really clean his room and have it checked by the dorm manager. It usually takes 2 or 3 tries, and it's kind of a pain in the ass.

When we did finally get our BAH the check was massivo because we got back BAH, which totally rocked. But the months of barely getting by were very frustrating. When most girls marry someone in the military it involves moving across the country or at the very least far enough away that they have to quit their jobs. A friend of ours has been married since September and moved his wife quit her job and moved here from Chicago and they haven't received BAH yet. 

BAH is not something I will frequently complain about. The fact that the military is making sure we don't have to worry about paying our rent is allowing me to stay unemployed temporarily and spend this time with my husband. It is a benefit that is pretty sweet. Will put this in the pros column, but the waiting is rough.  



Being a dependant is weird.

I am classified as Zack's dependant. I have a dependant ID, so that I can see doctors or get on base without much hassle. To get it however Zack basically has to agree that I am his wife, and he is responsible and in some ways in charge of me. For those of you that know me, you know how I feel about people being the boss of me. It's difficult for me to fathom that while I am on base, I am a reflection of my husband and things I do could get him in trouble. Which makes me very nervous. I don't even like to go to the commissary because I'm concerned I'll cart crash the commander's wife or something. There are a lot of rules.

Follow the rules, or go home.

While it's frustrating to have a few rules to follow as dependents, don't speed, try not to look like a homeless person, be classy, don't embarass yourself and your husband, etc., being directly accountable to the military as a Sailor/Soldier/Airmen/Marine is much much more difficult. Zack has lots of rules he has to follow that I definitely couldn't. I'll name a couple...

Let's start with 6 ring stand-by. This means that Zack has to answer his phone within 6 rings of someone calling him any time of the day or night and be sober and ready to go save the world. Granted this is something that happens once in a blue moon, when it happens it's a little bit of a hassle. I can never find my phone. If I was on 6 ring stand-by I would be that dorky guy at the mall with the great big plastic belt clip for my phone on the side of my pants. It takes me 2 rings to identify and understand my phone is ringing and an additional 5 rings to find a phone in my purse. Bad news. Trouble.

Here's the kicker, the one that I'd definitely just fail at, is the PRT test. You know what this means ladies? This means they will tell you if you weigh too much, not only tell you but kick you out if you fail to fix it. Holy goodness. I'm so upset just thinking about this I ate half a pint of ice cream. I'd die.



Nothing is ever for sure, until it's happening.

If you read blog at all when I first started you know that Zack going to Bahrain without me is definitely not what we thought was going to happen. At one point we even had orders to Virginia, or at least we thought we did. This one is hard, it's very frustrating to not know for sure, and to not be able to plan. It also allows you false hope that maybe something won't happen, ie deployments, dependant restricted duty etc.



Hurry up and wait.

Again, if you've read any of the blog posts from the beginning you know about hurry up and wait. It's constant. Get ready, fill out paperwork, be prepared, fill out more paperwork, wait.... it's like that annoying kid who starts the playground race that says READY... Seeeeeeeeeeeeettttttttttt........... SEEEETTTTTTTT........SSSSSSSEEEEEEETTTTTTT..... SET......
Annoying.

Put on your big girl panties, you knew what you signed up for marrying him, it's just a year, suck it up, and other annoying things stupid people say.

These are all things civilians, and sometimes even other heartless mil wives, say to you that make you want to kick puppies. Never say these things to me if you expect to remain unharmed.
I don't wear panties, and I'll cut you.
I didn't sign up for anything, except marrying him and I'm pretty sure God and Zack have some sort of contract there because I never ever thought I'd end up with someone in the military. HE signed up for this, and I love him so I got dragged along. Shut it, or I will punch you in the throat.
It's just a year, suck it up. It's just a year?! Please tell me the last time you were ever away from your husband for a year? Oh, never? I thought so, or you probably wouldn't be so insensitive. And I can't suck it up because I actually like my husband. Excuse me. Dicks.

Avoid the drama.

Military wives get a bad name when it comes to drama. The stereotype is that they all sit at home and talk about each other, and that's not really true. Most of the military wives I have met are legitimately good people, moms, and wives. They are a sisterhood, and an extremely welcoming community. They don't all cheat. They don't all gossip... But some do. And those women should be avoided at all costs. They're horrendous.

And, finally.

No one can love you the way a man with a deployment or dependant restricted duty in the foreseeable future can.

That's all.

Well that was fun =)

Jingle Bells!

I am so excited for Christmas.

Today Zack and I exchanged gifts because I spent an obscene amount and was too excited to wait to give him his stuff. So, naturally hes been playing with his new ps3 (I'm such a good wife) all the live long day. sigh.
That's what I meant to do of course, give him a gift he would like more than me.

Anyway.

The weather is so unacceptable. Seeing as I am hereditarily a Lich, I am usually freezing. This weather is slowly killing me. I am a Molly-sicle. All of the time. Earlier today, it was 24 tiny degrees and pouring rain. Which of course, immediately froze. Making it dangerous and close to impossible to get from point A to point B in a motor vehicle. And to top it off a couple of inches of snow, to frost the ice cake. Which is annoying, and also scary. My bestie Chelsea was in an accident today that I won't even think about for more than a second, because it upsets me. I am so, so grateful that she and her precious babes are ok. I love them so very much.

Last night Babe and I went to Abraham Lincoln high school to watch my cousin Cody sing in a chior concert. Honestly, him and his beautiful (cougar) gf Bailey were the only ones worth listening to. They both rock. Their talents are being wasted in such a lack-luster program. They need to be at Lewis Central. It is imperative.
Anyway, after the first terrible song the freshman chior, which was virtual male-free, sang the terribly boring chior director announced that "this is not a rock concert, hooting and hollering for people is not appropriate for this type of concert". I was annoyed, but Babe took her comment as a challenge. He smiled. And waited.
Eventually-- something like 12 terrible songs later-- Cody and Bailey were FINALLY on stage. As the kiddies lined up on the bleachers Babe turned around with a devious look in his eye and said to my mother "I'm going to yell for Cody", and she laughed and said that was a gread idea. I was too far away to do anything and thought it wouldn't really matter anyways with all the clapping after they were done singing. Not what Babe had in mind. In dead silence, with robed high schoolers lining up on the bleachers, he quite randomly yelled "CODY SELF".
Cody's face turned bright red and my family laughed until we almost peed. It was glorious. The director with the stick up her ass was visibly unhappy. Whatev, lady. Maybe worry more about your soloists knowing the words to the songs theyre singing. ugh.
Cody and Bailey were amazing. Cody is extremely talented musically, and apparently Bailey is as well. Honestly I had no idea, but she earned about 1000 cool points once we heard her sing. They rock.

So that's that. I can't sleep.
I might blog again later, I've been considering adding the chapstick story (about Zack and I's first kiss) to this blog, or maybe the story about when he proposed to me. Because it's my blog and they're fun stories, but also because I want to remember them forever and ever.

Welp. I suppose I'll give trying to sleep a try.

So glad we had this talk, I'll leave you with this hilarious video of some people I love doing our favorite hip-hop number. We're fantastic dancers.