Can You Dig It??

I can't believe It's finally time for this post. Zack is heading to the airport right now to come home to me. To get back to our life. To be together again.

I could cry.

Here I go.

I am so happy. It's overwhelming and I don't think it's really even hit me yet. He reports to the airport in about 15 minutes, from when I'm typing this... which is at 10:46... what I'm saying is he has to report to the airport at 11pm our time, and 7 am tomorrow his time. He will not land in our fair city until 9:30pm 2 days from now.

So excited.

I have to get back to my life of packing and fighting with my bother, excuse me brother.

Say a prayer for Babe's safe flights!

Thanks for going on this journey with us =]

OH EM GEE!

Guys... Seriously... AHH!! So excited!

Come help me pack!

 

 

Love you, bye :)

 

I Have Big Plans

I'm hoping to do more videos when Zack gets home.... To make you feel like you're adventuring with us. Which will be fun for everyone, I think. I purchased a few new apps in preparation and I've been toying around with them. Here is the edited version of Zack seeing Hank for the first time in 6 months when he was home on leave. Pretty excited :)

 

Xoxo

Rated R for Adult Content And Plastic Male Nudity

So, here's the thing. If you are my grandma, or anyone's grandma really... you shouldn't read this post.

You have been warned.

I've been putting off a lot of posts. I have them in an idea area, but nothing completed. Things about the toughest times since Zack left, and posts about insecuritites I've had since he's been gone. Potential or future posts, that I am delaying until the emotions associated with them aren't quite so fresh. I choose to post about these things because of how many people have said that the things I write to them make them feel less alone in what they go through. I promise to post them, just not until Zack gets home and I can squeeze him when I'm bummed. Deal? Anyway.

This post was on my list, for many reasons. First, as previously stated, I want Zack to be here to fix the .... ahem... emotions ... that this post will bring up. Honestly, I wasn't sure I would post this at all, for the sake of... Oh, I don't know...

Humility?

Modesty?

Pride?

Self preservation?

The fact that I really hate the visuals many of you will get when reading this... or do I? ha.

Who knows. But. I've decided it's time.

So, here it is ladies and gentlemen.

The post.

There are a few things about marriage and co-habitating that you grow accommodated to that are hard to give up. For example, sleeping alone. And sleeping alone.

It is hard to go from regular... uh.. interaction... to zero.

I need to get laid. That's the long and short of it.

It's not just about the lack of sexual satisfaction either. Because, let's be honest. It's 2012 and there are self-help options. haha. awkward?

Seriously though, I miss being touched and touching. So much. It's obscene.

Literally.

My brain is functioning like a teenage male.. nearly everything my husband says is followed by "that's what she said" in my brain. I feel like everything he says is sexual.

I miss seeing him naked. I miss his big.. amazing.. lips. Oh kisses. I miss kisses.

I miss being massaged and tickled. I miss him playing with my hair! Which led, partially, to the awkward moment I am about to share with you, blog readers.

Since Zack left, when I feel deprived of human contact I schedule a pedi or mani. A facial perhaps. Recently I scheduled an appointment to get my hair done. It had been nearly 4 months since one of my appointments, and I really needed it. Really.

I had a groupon so I had never met this incredibly nice lady who was coloring my hair. She was keeping perfectly pleasant conversation about my life and my sweet Sailor man while she mixed the color and continued with it into the application.

About 15 minutes in... I realized how hard she was trying to keep the conversation going. Which was weird, because you literally can't shut me up. Took me a second to take stock of the situation.. when I realized.. I was MOANING. Omg.

So horrifying.

And hilarious.

I was like "Oh my gosh! Have I been making innapropriate noises while you have been putting that in my hair??? This whole time?!" She started cracking up.

I was mortified. I nearly got up and left.

How embarassing.

Sexual deprivation for military wives is a very serious thing. When you first hear about women cheating on their husbands while they're deployed you judge them harshly, and they deserve it. They're awful horrid women. Cheating is not an option. However, after a few months alone, single and married... forced into celibacy... when you don't make excuses for those women, and you still judge them, and they're still horrid, but you have a tiny bit of understanding.

It is unnatural.

People need touch.

Our relationship, our amazing bedroom skills, are worth waiting for. But, I am still a grumpy gopher after watching a particularly graphic sex scene on tv, or at this point, finding and packing away all the penis items from my bachelorette party.

 

 

Sigh.

19 days. 19 days. 19 days.

 

Oh husband, how I miss and love you. My sweet, sweet, love. I can't wait to see you, Punkin. You thought it was hot in Bahrain? Wait til I get you home. ;]

 

Bye bye sweetie pie's!


 

Well, Isn't That Pinteresting...

I'm so crafty. It's ridiculous.

Actually that's a lie. Whatever the opposite of crafty is, that's me.

Which makes me so sad, because I love Hobby Lobby. Everything in there draws me to it. I want to buy it and take it home and create things. But I can't fathom for a second what.

I loathe scrapbooking. Knitting and other yarn projects do not show fast enough results for me. Honestly, it's hard for me to wait for spray paint to dry when I actually do commit to a project.

Which is why Pinterest is killing me slowly. It's got to be the most overwhelming website in the world. And yet, I can't look away.

I could pin things all day long. Heaven forbid I start at night... kiss sleep goodbye, girlfriend.

I've also found literally hundreds of things I'm going to force.. ahem... ask... my new fun neighbor in Georgia to make with me.

I'm determined to be more wifey. Wife-like. Since I will be jobless, for at least a little while after we get there, money will be relatively tight at first but I want more than anything to feel comfortable and at home in our new place. Mainly because it is the only HINT of control I have while leaving my home town, my family, and the place I have always loved.

So I want to make our house our home, and I want to keep busy. So I'm going to try my hand at cooking all these new fun recipes I've found and pinned to my "Yummm" board. As well as fancying up our new place with all the fun things on my "For Our New Home" board.

So, the last two days I've been busy making this little gem. I hate having my makeup that I use daily in a drawer. I feel like the drawer gets gross. Plus, in my current house I have no (yes, NONE) drawers in my bathroom, and this will be fun for the next few weeks I'm here. Just to see how it works out.

 

So, anyway, check me out!

First I went to Michaels and bought a 12 inch shadow box. On pinterest the lady used a picture frame but I thought the edge of the shadow box would keep things from falling off in the event of a drunkenly slammed door. As luck would have it scrap book paper is also 12 by 12 inches, so I picked out a pretty one for the background and grabbed a can of spray paint in a cute blue color, and a roll of magnet tape.

Then, I went home and spray painted the outside of the shadowbox and the inside lip blue. I waited about half the time I was supposed to for it to dry, and applied another coat, and another, and another, until the tiny can was empty and Nicole Richie's stomach.

 

 

My next problem was trying to find someone who would cut me a sheet of metal for the backing to make the surface magnetic. As luck would have it I had to run to Home Depot for something else, and inquired if they cut metal... which of course they did not. As I was walking out however I noticed these pieces of "metal sheeting". I have no idea what they're actually used for but they had a lot of really decorative ones. Anyway, because it was meant to be, the piece was exactly 12x12 and I bought it and walked to my car grinning like a moron.

It slid right in but I put a few dots of tacky glue on the back just for fun. It's also INCREDIBLY sharp on the outside and I don't want to bump into it in the middle of the night and have it fall out and slice off my toes. Although, that would really open up my shoe size range.

Then I slid the piece of scrapbook paper on top. I didn't glue it down, because the paper was relatively sturdy and I want to be able to change it out when it gets gross, as anything that touches makeup daily does. Plus, the magnets hold it up anyway. Moving on.

 

 

Nextly I found the magnetic tape and took these stupid pictures. Is anyone still reading this?

Using scissors, I cut the magnets into small pieces and peeled off the impossibly sticky backing to adhere them to my makeup. Repeat as needed. Since in general I wear eyeliner and mascara on a good day, all of this makeup looks brand new. I'm going to try to actually look presentable on a daily basis after Zackery get's home, so I'm getting in the practice now... kinda. Anyway.

Then came the brushes, the undereye corrector for my infallibly unrested undereye baggage. It would be silly to magnetize all of them to the board so I searched my house for a solution. On Pinterest she used a giant medicine bottle, but since I rarely take meds I was at a loss. I'm not really even sure what that polka dot thing is, but I found it in my brothers room and took it. It was probably mine anyways.

Putting the magnets on the round surface was hard since they curved the other way.. I guess you could probably put them inside and use the tacky glue to keep them stuck on. I'm not sure. After a lot of wasted magnet pieces, this finally worked well enough to hold all the brushes and etc.

 

 

 

And here is the finished product!

 

 

I'm practically Molly Stewart. I think it's super cute.

No?

ha. well, I tried.

ALL I CAN DO IS THE BEST I CAN DO!!!

Look forward to more of these posts as I pin my way through wife-ing.

I have to go pack more. Blech.

Happy 17th Birthday Cody Kiraly Self. I love you muchly and I am so stinkin' proud of you and your brother I can't express it in words. You've grown up to be the most awesome kid around, and If my kids are exactly like you (but also love puppies and kittens) I will be the happiest lady alive.

 

 

Later gators!

 

Our Own Little DITY

Well. Planning this move is ruining my life. I know no matter how much I screw it up the end will still be my sweet little family of four in our cute new house in Georgia, and that my friends, is the only thing keeping me sane.

Seriously, I'm losing it.

My brain is like an explosion of confusion.

You have to rent a truck, and it costs like a billion dollars right from jump street. Then you add gas. That alone is enough to make me wish we let the military move us.

Now, before YOU (you know who you are) say anything, I am still glad we picked to do this our selves. This is a situation I'm feeling very little control over and having 100% control of my possessions makes me feel a little better. Plus, we're still saving more money.

But today, I'm ready to cry just looking at my living room.. which is completely full of things that need to be packed and organized... I considered taking a picture but seeing it would stress my husband out haha.

Look at this though...

We have to go that far.

With this dog bed topped with our 90 pound Hank...

 

And this Lucy containment system, filled with what will likely be the worlds most angry-stoned cat...

 

In this tiny backseat...

 

... seriously.

 

This is a Tetris puzzle that I fear can not be accomplished.

It makes me triple dot ...

 

6 HOURS LATER

 

After a day of cleaning and organizing I am feeling like this is possible, however, but not fun. Zero fun.

I rented a few movies today and sorted all of our clothes, shoes, and a few other random things. This is stuff we're taking so far...

 

This is a box of shoes I found in my closet that I sorted and separated... This is roughly 1/3 of the shoes I found...

 

This is the pile of stuff I'm not packing so that I have things to wear for the next 21 days...

 

and here... is the motherload of stuff... and it is all going to goodwill.

 

I am THRILLED to see it go. If I would have let someone else pack and move us, there's a strong chance I would have moved that pile of crap I don't want all the way to Georgia. Yuck. It's gotta go. Honestly, that pile will probably double. More likely triple. I want our new house and all future houses to be clutter free.

As I was putting all those clothes into the goodwill pile today I was having pangs of guilt when I'd throw some piece of expensive clothing with tags still on it into the mix. Each time I had to remind myself that If I kept it I'd never wear it, and if I put it in a pile to sell it, it would never EVER happen. So instead some lucky goodwill shopper is going to hit the Jack Freakin Pot.

Right? Right. I'm doing good.

I really believe in karma and I feel like this stuff is weighing me down. Owning things you're not using that someone else could be using is definitely bad juju.

I'm sincerely ashamed of how sore I am after 8 hours of cleaning, organizing and packing. It's really sad.

But I'm getting it done. I know our belongings will be safe. That makes me feel good. Which is important. A happy wife, is a happy life. ha. seriously, ask my husband.

Anyway.

Final thoughts for today... who has ANY idea how we can pack that monster TV? We don't have the box. It's 60 inches of stress right now. I have no idea what to do. It was too expensive to just chance it. Any ideas? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Well, it's been good talking to you all. More soon.

Love you.

 

 

Molly 2.0

Well kids. It's getting down to the wire. At this moment there are exactly....

Until my sweet sailor man gets home. I am thrilled.

 

There are roughly one million things for me to blog about in the coming days, so my intention is to make that happen. I want to chronicle our adventures.

 

This weeks adventure is mostly packing.. let's hope the coming adventures are a lot more fun.

 

Guys... side note... Zack sent me an iPad a few weeks ago and I'm currently blogging from a bluetooth keyboard, which would be great if my fingernails weren't so uniformly unattractive right now.

 

 

It's not good. Most of them are way too long to even hit the keys I intend and the other ones have been snagged in puppy hair today and are jagged and awful. I meant to file all of them earlier, but instead filed one and then took 100 pictures of Hank and I with my cell phone... So the cocaine sniffing pinky nail that grows 5x faster than the rest will live to see another day.

 

Please observe this fun picture of Hank and I...

 

I am experimenting with wavy/curly hair for Georgia. Since my hair would be shoulder length ringlets if I allowed it to be, the humidity in Georgia threatens to cause me one and a half years minimum of bad hair days. I've been putting in straightening gel before my regular gel and it's turning out interesting.

 

Anyway, this got me thinking... moving to Georgia is like switching from middle school to high school! It's a chance for me to totally reinvent myself.

Maybe I'll go by Moll in Georgia (although it's more likely I will put my head in the oven).

Maybe I'll adapt a new carefree "let-the-cards-fall-where-they-may" life style and quit worrying about every dang thing. Also, pretty unlikely.

Perhaps I will start wearing fake glasses, because they look so stinkin cute on me. If everyone there thinks I'm visually impairerd I would feel much less douchey about wearing them.

I might pick up a new hobby. Bowling? Scrap booking? Gardening? Heroin? Needle point? Storm chasing? Who knows?

The possibilities are endless.

 

What I'm thinking for sure is that I am going to adopt a new "my hair is like this on purpose" persona. My old room-mate (we've discussed her multiple times in the past) used to have this really annoying girl come to our house. She was adorable but just as boring as could possibly be and honestly, she irritated the shit out of me. She used to walk in to our house with this HUGE back comb poof thing on the back of her head. Like, we nick-named it the alien... not lie, snookie poof, it was the snookie poof's fat step-sister. HUGE.

 

At first, it would take you back a little but then you would get used to it. Because she rocked the alien poof. Like she made us all feel silly for not wearing an alien poof. Just for a minute of course, because that look definitely is not for everyone.

 

So, that's my plan. If ever there were a perfect time to try new weird things with my mane it is now. Perhaps I'll tie it in an elaborate bow on my neck, like a bow-tie. That could be my signature look. Who's to say?

I am. I'm to say.

A hair bow-tie would be sweaty.

 

Anyway. Food for thought.

xoxo

 

 

Well, there's that.

Raise your hand if you woke up at 5am to clean dog puke out of, what is now, your husbands side of the bed??

Just me?

Well, lucky you.

Sigh.

What a glamorous life I lead.

I can't tell ya.
Today is my last full time day at my job. I am thrilled. I can't wait to have a normal sleep schedule, and have enough time to play with my friends. Specifically my beautiful bestie Shelby, who is 25 years young today =] Happy Happy Birfday Shelb! I love your face.

I can't wait to see my family more before we leave for Georgia.

I just typed Georgie instead of Georgia. Partly because it is 5:22 in the morning and partly because Zack and I have both developed some sort of mental deficiency recently that causes us to end every word, and for that matter most names, with the 'ee' sound. Jordin is Jordy. Higgins is Higgy. Georgia is Georgie.
It just is what it is.
We are slowly going crazy.
I am on a much faster path, admitedly, to crazy town.

I miss my husband and for the last several days I am in "I HATE THE NAVY, AND MY LIFE." mode. There is nothing I can do to avoid it. As you have read previously, I will cut you if you tell me to suck it up or any other annoying thing... so don't.

For the most part, I have been quite the little champ during this deployment, if I do say so myself.
And I do.
10 months of toughing it out, mostly.
So I am entitled to a minute, or a week, of loathing all that is being a military wife.

My husband should be home to clean dog puke up at 5am. Damn it.

Anyway, other than the last few days I have been generally extremely stoked and optimistic for the future. Today Zack and I find out if we get the house we really want in Georgia. It's a sweet duplex, where we will have super great neighbors that I have met via facebook.

We've been chit-chatting for the last few days and multiple times I've had to hold back a "did we just become best friends?!" comment. I'd hate to creep her out, but she's a lot of fun and has been extremely helpful. Plus, she likes the Penguins Of Madagascar.

Here's a fun story! This week I posted to the Kings Bay Navy Wives facebook page asking for pictures from someone of the housing development Zack and I were interested in. It's a series of villa's and I know it's a popular place for military couples to live, so I knew I'd get a hit.
I did.
A few girls had pics on their facebook page, and I started talking to my new bestie (ha, I'm a creeper) asking her right around 3,000 questions within just a few hours...
Anyway.
That day, a few hours later, Zack and I decided that we definitely wanted to live in this community, and my new friends adjoining duplex was open so we knew essentially exactly what it was like in the inside since I had seen pics of hers.

I filled out our application and faxed it in from work that night.

Then, in a moment of what can only be described as naive (however, well placed) trust, I paypaled my new friend 375 dollars to give to, what I hope, is our new landlord to cover our security deposit and application fee. Only a few hours after initially "meeting" her through facebook.

Let me explain.

She is fabulous. Let's start there. Secondly, I didn't want to mail 375 dollars cash or money order across the country, because that seemed like a CRAZY idea, hahaha.

My mom and the people I work with think I'm a nut job. My mother and my aunt surmised that my new friend may just troll military wife sites to lie in waiting for this very situation and pounce on unsuspecting military wives. For the record I asked her if I could send her the money, so that would make her like... the worlds GREATEST scam artist.
In which case, she totally deserves my hard earned 375 and I am impressed enough to not really even be that upset about it. I also know her address and where her husband works. So, relax.

I'm just an incredible judge of character.

So that's been my week.

I can't wait to update all of you on our new housing situation. Hopefully we know by the end of the day that we have been accepted.. WOOT.

At the moment I do not have the attention span to continue to blog, because it just occured to me that I really really need to price out moving trucks for our 23 hour adventure.

Right now.

HOWEVER, just typing that I am remembering all sorts of fun things I need to blog about soon...

Lucy disappearing and my obsessive need to make sure she's ok on our cross country adventure...

All of my well thought out plans for our travel, that will probably all totally backfire through no fault of my own, and still need to be written down for proof that I did indeed have a plan.

And various other random things.

So, I'll be back soon kiddies!

I've missed you so!


ps, again Happy Happy Birthday Shelbykins =] I love love love your face.

Unemployment: The First Step To Happiness

GUYS!! I'm going to be back to my bloggy self in 2 weeks, as tonight I put in my 2 weeks notice at work. I will miss my job, and the people I work with whom I love, but quitting early to pack our house was a necessity. I'm really looking forward to getting back to all of you, my loves!! Soon, soon, soon!!

xoxo!!
Get ready!

This Is NOT Right

This can not happen. I will be in Sioux City for the hearing on Wednesday and I hope that you go too.
----------------------------------------------
A little over one week ago, Aurelia Iowa Town Council ordered Officer James Sak, a disabled Veteran & retired Chicago police officer, to remove his service dog, Snickers, from the city. He was told that if he did not comply with this order, that Snic...kers would be seized and killed. WHY would the town seize & execute a service dog, you may be asking? Because Snickers is a Pit Bull mix; and Pit Bulls are banned in Aurelia. Never mind that Snickers is certified with the National Service Animal Registry, or that he aids a former war veteran and police officer who suffered from a stroke leaving him with disabilities.

This is just one example of the danger, and absurdity, associated with breed specific legislation.

A Federal court hearing requesting the immediate return of Snickers to Officer Sak is scheduled for December 28th at 9:00am in Sioux City, IA. Animal Farm Foundation has arranged for representation for Officer Sak and will be traveling to Iowa to help Officer Sak fight for the right to keep his service dog. This hearing is OPEN TO THE PUBLIC - Please help by showing your support. Please also take a moment to check out this video.

December 28 Hearing in Iowa for Officer Sak and Snickers from Animal Farm Foundation on Vimeo.

Increased Sensitivity

I am very emotional lately. Shocker. I miss my husband.

This is not limited to random sobbing fits when hearing this song come up on my playlist...

http://youtu.be/0lyOZtKIAGI

That's tough... but I'm also prone to fits of unbridled and agape love for my husband and my family and friends.

What I'm saying is...

I am randomly overwhelmed by how proud I am to be introduced as "Bob's Daughter", "Mickey's Daughter", "Danny's Sister", etc, or especially "Zack's Wife". I'm proud of them and I'm proud that they are a part of me. 

Also, on occasion I will get into my bed and see that my husband is calling me and I get butterflies... and I squeeze my Hank and am overwhelmed by how lucky I am. I have a big, warm, comfortable bed, in a nice house occasionally full of dog hair from the worlds greatest dog and shredded toilet paper from the worlds most psychotic adorable cat. But mostly I am lucky to have so many people who love me... and my soulmate. It's obscene.

I am a lucky chick.

Even now typing about it I'm getting borderline weepy.

I'm a basket case. Little things set me on emotional roller coasters of epic proportions... psychotically happy a million miles an hour to anxious and missing my sweet sailor only to swing back up and slap overwhelmed with gratitude right in the mouth.

Of all the emotions I experience, anger is rarely one of them, so I'm lucky that way. People who know me know it doesn't take much to get me riled up, but to get me heated takes a lot and it's nearly impossible to bring me back without a good nights sleep.

Yes, right, like I've had one of those since May... that's happened.

So, I'm lucky that way... Because after a few facebook friend sweeps and one minor life change, all of the anger in my life will be pretty much goneski.

I feel legitimately bad for those around me lately, I am extremely hard to keep up with.

I joke frequently about having very little joy in my life... which isn't true.

I have gobs of joy.

People who I haven't spoken to more than 5 times since high school who send me things in the mail to tell me they're thinking about me when Zack had to leave... Joy. Or how about a girl who I would have considered one of my arch nemeses (excuse my dork talk, you can thank my husband) who wrote to me on facebook to tell me she was excited for me to have him home. Joy. Joy in knowing people are good.

I want to tell everyone who has reached out to me how much I appreciate each of you. I wish I could hug each of you individually... which is a big deal, since I'm not really a hugger.

I am full of gratitude and proud to be each of your friend, sister, daughter, cousin, neice, neighbor, grand daughter, facebook acquaintance. I appreciate that you're good people.

Sigh.. what a sappy blog post.
Geesh. I need to get a grip.
Ok, seriously, tomorrow, a good TGIMolly style blogpost.

Love you big!

She's alive!

Well, I know it's probably a huge surprise to everyone.. but I am still alive and well. I am honestly embarassed by how long it's been since I've blogged. Honestly I just haven't been feeling very creative or funny lately, and I wasn't really into bummer blogging... but, in a moment of insomnia I promised my faithful readers a post, and I am a promise keeper. So, here we go...

Speaking of that, man am I behind on downiversary weekly updates... we're on like 32 now... WOOT!

As many of you saw, in the video in my last post, Zackery did get to come home for a while. He's back in Bahrain now, but it was amazing. We had a lot of fun, and a get together we called "Zackapalooza" where this picture was taken...

I know what you're thinking, and thank you, my hair does look amazing. How stinkin cute is my sweet husband though? Ahh. Adorable.

I think Zack coming home was exactly what I needed to get out of my funk, and more importantly back to my blog. I have been a disastasaur. On the real. 

Him coming home made me feel renewed, like I'm an old pro at this deployment nonsense and I can do 5 more months with my hands tied behind my back. I totally can. 

I won't lie to you though, Christmas time has been pretty flapping hard on me. I miss him like crazy, and all the things we did last Christmas are haunting me. Like how we laughed about this picture...

and all of the things I wrote about in THIS post .. sigh. 

But, I'm comforted knowing that this is the very last Christmas I will ever have to spend so far away from my soulmate.

Which is super douchey, and the best way to describe me lately.

I'm a crier. What can I say? 

Sooo while blogging I got distracted elfing.... I swear I'll blog again tomorrow, but I insist you watch this video and laugh until you read my next blog post.... tomorrow. K? I know what a let down... but seriously, watch this video...

You're welcome.

Zack Came Home!

Zack coming home on mid-tour leave =] I love this video! I love our photographer.

Also, I know this doesn't count. I will have a new post up soon =]

Downiversary!!

Yesterday we hit the 13 week downiversary and today is our 3 MONTHS downiversary!! 9 little months left until I get to spend the rest of my life in my sweet Zackery's arms.

9 months still sucks. But it seems a lot more manageable than 12 months. It will feel better when it's 6 months or 3 months...

0 months.

Actually, fair warning, I'm going to be borderline intolerably excited the month before Zack comes home. I might not be able to function normally. That's a promise. Just putting it out there so everyone is aware ahead of time.

I'm embarassed at how badly I've eaten the last 2 weeks. I have no excuse. I'm an emotional eater and it's been an emotional couple of weeks.

I'm back on track though starting today, no more excuses.

I owe it to myself to at the very least meet my goal.

Dammit I'm going to.

After further research, it would seem I have not gained or lost any weight this week. So that's good.

Honestly it just makes me feel like "can you imagine how much you would have lost if you would have skipped the chicken nuggets?"... I ate chicken nuggets. From Mcdonalds. Twice. I shared a 6 piece with Hank.

It was for him.
Don't judge me.

I have so little to blog about when I actually sit down to blog. During the week though I have blog ideas for days. DAYS.

OH YES! Now I remember. My husband is hilarious. Like, the funniest guy I know. He did a stand up act in a talent show recently, and it's on facebook for your viewing pleasure. Click the link to watch it.

http://www.facebook.com/#!/video/video.php?v=1461088384140&comments

I'm interested to see if that link works. Let me know =]

Someday Zack's going to be a big famous comedian and buy me all sorts of expensive things. Or maybe we will end up at home and he will just make me and our kids laugh. I'm cool with either.

I just want to be with him.

So much.

Anyway. That's it for this week. I have something exciting planned for our 4 month downiversary. We will see if I get around to it.

XOXO

Sarah's Way Home

Have you bought your puzzle pieces to help Sarah come home yet?

Brandon (Sarah's new Dad) is a friend of Zack's and I have gotten to know Lacee (Mom) through facebook. I have been meaning to write a post about how we should all help out this adorable military family if we can afford to, but I've been busy and spaced if off.

A more detailed post is still to come, but I wanted to make everyone aware of Sarah's journey home, and encourage you to go and buy a puzzle piece to help Sarah get to where she belongs.

Check out the blog HERE.



And Chipin there =]

12 Weeks Downiversary!

Only 40 weeks left :/
What. A. Buzzkill.

I'm feeling better kids.
Occasionally I will get to a place where I can't talk myself into being happy no matter how hard I try, and then someone will surprise me.
Today it was Haley

Haley sent Hank and I flowers today at work. Because she is amazing.
I've wrote about how important Hay is to me multiple times... but today she made my bad week a good week =] I love Hay.

Hay was my boyfriend when I met Zack. We spent so much time together when we lived together and I miss her bunches.

I <3 you Haley Sue, thanks for thinking of me.

I'm feeling much better.
And so is Hank!

Welp! Happy 12 weeks Downiversary all. Only 40 more of these posts left.... gah.

I love you all very much and I have lots of posts swirling around in my brain that I swear I will transfer here soonly... but I am very sleepy this evening.

Later pals!

Oh shoot! I almost forgot! Happy 20th Birthday to the best big little brother in the entire world.
Aint no mountain high enough baby!

Danny rocking our sweet double trouble sweatshirt we made for Gpa 100 years ago =]



I love you Dandelion!

Is This A Joke??

I am having a bad day. Like colossally.

So, I'm going to ramble long-windedly for several minutes and post it to my blog. That's why having a blog is helpful when I'm a mess.

I miss my husband and this is going to be another one of those "not a hint of positivity" posts.

I'm tired of being sad.

I hate that I'm used to missing my partner.

The thing about deployments, or any separation really, is that they freaking suck.

They suck, they suck, they suck. And nobody likes them.

Today Zack and I argued. We argue a lot when we're together because we're both always right (usually I'm more right) and we're both very dramatic. Since he left however, we don't really argue much. Almost not at all actually.

It wasn't like a catastrophic fight (I almost wrote phight... eff.) or anything, but I still said things that right now at 2241 our time and 0641 tomorrow his time I'm feeling super guilty about. I know he's sleeping and I should leave him alone but I am really fighting the urge to call him sobbing right now and make him promise me that he doesn't hate me.

I love him so much.

I wish no one had to go through this whole stupid thing.

There's this double edged sword that my brain, and apparently a lot of other peoples brains, put us through where we want to celebrate a day without being too terribly sad, and then this little voice is like.... "Wait? What does that mean? Aren't you still devastated? Does this not still suck exactly the same as it did the day he left?".

Shut up, brain. Jackass.

I am still devastated. A lot of times I feel like I'm putting on a happy face for everyone else. No one wants to deal with me because I'm sad, and in reality my husband being gone for a year isn't that big of a deal... to them.
Please know, I know there are worse things that could happen, but this pretty much takes the cake on suckful things I've had to go through in my almost 25 years of life.

I hate that I was incapable of using an ATM today for a solid 20 minutes because I can't follow instructions or wait patiently for the stupid machine to function.


I hate that there was a train every single way that I drove today. I feel like in the year 2011 there must be a better way to transport.... wtf do trains even transport?? Whatever it is I'm boycotting it.

Also, I feel like everyone should quit playing the "I have it worse" game. It makes me borderline homicidal.

Stop it. You don't get a prize if you have it worse and are or are not sadder. Quit it right now.

Military wives seem to be real competitors at this game. Thank goodness none of my friends are like this. But I come across it a lot on friends facebook pages.
A friend who's husband is gone 6 months will write something like "I miss my husband" to which 11 people will respond "well I have 7 kids to feed and none of them have any shoes... also one has no feet... and we have to move to a 1 bedroom house on base because you got the good house, and he's gonna be gone 18 months, so you think you have it bad try to be me..." UGH.

Quit it.

We can all be sad.

The first person who tries to one up someone on my facebook page will be immediately eunthanized inhumanely.

Not cool.

I'm exhausted and emotional and I can't take it. Assumingly because I am a terrible person, I take a little comfort in the fact that I'm not the only one going through this.

Recently I read a birth story where a woman got through the pain by envisioning, and trying to spiritually connect with, all the women in the world in labor at that moment, and she was so focused and connected to that thought she remembers almost no pain from labor. How amazing, right?

It helps a little to know that so many people, and so many people that I care about, are going through this same awful deployment bs right now and surviving. I wouldn't wish this on anyone but the fact that we are all suffering is out of my control and I feel better envisioning we're all doing it together all over the world.

It is tough but it is temporary. Right?

That sucks so bad. That doesn't help at all tonight.

I miss my husband and I'm rambling on my blog.

That helps a little actually.

And the fact that Lucy is being sweet, possibly the first time in her entire life, right now is strangely as comforting as it is alarming.

I keep thinking about how there is almost 3 months down and I get legitimately angry at the Navy.

Tell me it's what "we or Zack signed up for" and I will cut you...

I can't freaking believe we still have 9 months left.

When it's over it will be such a relief, yet I feel like the Navy has us in a choke hold... I don't have a lot of details yet, so dont ask me... but an early out chit, to me, seems very shady.

Give up this thing we promised you, so you can go home to your wife... you know you want it... 

If he comes home early there are so many instabilities. I loathe this.

I hate that we fought about it.

Everything ended well. Worry not.

Zack and I are very much in love. Our love is unshakable.

Which is why we should be together. Right now.

Because for eff's sake I am spent. I am drained. I am exhausted. I am sad. I am sexually deprived. I am... rambling. And I am SO emotional.

I am also in love. I am lucky. I am healthy. I am loved by the most amazing man, the most amazing family, and the most amazing friends a girl can ask for.

So, I am dealing.

I'm doing the best I can.

I'm having a bad day.

11 Weeks Downiversary!

Yes I'm alive! Zack is alive.

We are doing well. I am BUSY busy.I haven't blogged in FOREVER, and would you like to know why?? Because I have a job that sucks all the creativity and the motivation and the will to live right out of me. Okay maybe not the will to live, but the rest of those things are true... because during training I work a terrible middle of the day shift. So I accomplish nothing before and after work. When I get out of training, if I survive, I will get back to my regular bloggy self. I hope.

I'm posting this early so I don't miss posting it tomorrow (Tuesday's mark our actual downiversaries, as you all know). I know I missed last weeks downiversary post, there were circumstances out of my control, and I was a disaster. At work.

I actually really do like my job, I'm just not a fan of this schedule. Not in any tiny way.

Sadly, that is really my only note-worthy update.

Oh, also, my brother moved in with me and he has been a fantastic addition to my everyday life. Also a fantastic subtraction to my refrigerator, and therefore my weight =]

Soon, I will have to update all of you on my weight loss. I am progressing slowly but surely. Exactly as I expected.

I still miss my sexy sailor every single day, but I have been feeling more positive lately. I can't wait to experience our second first kiss. All of our second firsts will be absolutely glorious.

Welp. That about sums it up kiddo's. Here's a fun song that describes our situation perfectly =]
Love you guys.

Happy 9 Weeks Downiversary!

9 Weeks down!! Woohoo! Everyone listen to our song in celebration =]

8 Weeks Downiversary!!!

8 Weeks Down, folks! It's killing me slowly.
Just kidding.
But it does suck. I'm freaking over it. I would really like my husband to come home now.
This week I applied for a job, interviewed, got it, and started working. It was a busy week. So I apologize for the lack of bloggy goodness. I had planned a long 8 weeks downiversary post, but I had my first day of work today and had to wake up much earlier than I'm used to. So, now I have a headache and I'm a big whiney baby. Plus, I didn't get to talk to Zack very much today.
Bummed.
But, I do really like my new job. It seems like it's going to be a lot of fun!!

ALSO - I wanted to wish my grandparents an extremely happy 53rd Anniversary! They are as happy and in love as Zack and I hope to be in 52 years =]

So, this post is quick and painless. I need sleep. Right now.
I love you all so very much =]
Very soon I will post more indepth about my new job. Thanks for your patience!
Later Gators!