Here's To April

I hate when Grey's Anatomy makes me cry.
Hate.
I have real things to cry about. Tomorrow is April.
Our last full month before he leaves.

That's okay. Some people have much worse things to cry about.
All things considered I'm pretty lucky.
I have a husband who I love more than anything in this world, and who loves me back. And while I will have to suffer through roughly 350 lonely and likely sleepless nights without him, I know he is coming back.
He's going to a place with a lot of civil unrest but a place that is still relatively safe.

A lot of wives don't get those points of confidence. I'm lucky.

Ya know what's annoying? Every one kept telling us the first year of marriage would be the hardest, learning each other and whatnot.
When we first got married we fought a lot. A lot. Over everything. I married a drama queen, and guess what else, he did too. We still argue over lots of things. But even when I want to punch him my heart is melting with the amount of love I feel for him.
We get each other now. We love each other more, which I didn't think was even possible.
I bet our second year of marriage is the hardest.
I don't think we will fight and argue all the time, but I definitely think it will be the hardest.
Blech.

I colored my hair today. The color box said purest dark brown. I look like Morticia Addams. Not cute.

It needs to be fixed immediately.

I sure am glad Addison Montgomery is helping Callie. Stupid Grey's Anatomy. I hate how much I'm enjoying this Glee-esk episode. It's sad and musical. It's very confusing for my emotions.

Well, I am way too distracted for blogging boys and girls. I have lots to do. Because I am not dead, and therefore I have to do dishes. ;)

Here's to March, we made the best of it. Here's to an even better April.


XOXO

Linny's Post

I've told you all before about how fantastic most military wives and girlfriends are, this is an example :)
Zack's best friend Doug, the one who introduced us and stood up for me at our wedding, met Linny about 400 days ago back home in California. This is what she posted on facebook last night. I loved it and wanted to post it for all of you to read =)

20%

I know that most people think I'm insane for dating someone in the military, but I don't.

I have come to find out, out of extreme boredom of course, this 'crazy' statistic...
Doug and I have been dating for roughly 400 days... you wanna know how many days we've actually visited each other?
...88 days, give or take a few since he had work a lot of the nights I visited him.
That means in the duration of our relationship, we have been in the same state approximately 20% of the time... That's pretty intense.
Yeah, so I guess you can call me crazy. But I knew exactly what I was getting myself into, I told him since the beginning that I will wait for him wherever he goes... and I have never been happier. I will gladly wait for him, wherever he goes for however long. It takes a special kind of person to make me want to be with them that badly. I don't think I would do this for just anyone...

I miss him so very much, and even though I was absolutely crushed when we realized he wouldn't be coming home in March, I don't care. Because I love him, and I miss him... We are strong, and even if some people may call us crazy, I don't think so. We just found the one worth waiting for. :P

Psych

About a month ago Zack and I went with the family to a psychic. At first we were both totally sceptic and even a little bit resistant, since we are both Christian and psychic's are sort of looked at, well badly, by a lot of Christians. But this woman told my Mom 20 years ago that she was pregnant with a little boy before my mom even knew she was knocked up. She predicted that an important man in my Aunt Mary's life was going to pass away shortly before my Grandpa died. She predicted my cousin Angie would get pregnant with a little boy, he is yet to make an appearance but anatomy scans show she's right. She's predicted lots of things I can't remember right now. She's scary good.
So we went.
Or I went, and Zack was forced. Whatev.
On mulitple occasions that day Zack and I had discussed the number 23 and how we thought it was good luck, so when my Mom called to tell me she had already bought my turn with the psychic and that I was number 23, I instantly felt like that was a good sign.
Zack was number 25, so I went first... obviously.
I had no idea what to expect and I was concerned she would tell me something awful, or be mean to me, or tell me to take my hair out of the knotted pony tail it was in (which she did to my cousin Stacy just a few turns before mine). Any of those things would have sent me running from the facility crying and sucking my thumb.
I was pleasantly surprised when it was finally my turn, when I walked up to a crazy-fun-aunt looking type, who seemed genuinely excited to see me.
I told her how excited and nervous I was and she asked if she had ever seen me before. I told her no, I was there with my Mom and My Aunt and Husband, and Cousin, but that I had never been before. She gave me a generic pink pen to give to whomever brought me with them, which seemed odd. Then I wrote my name on a piece of paper and thus began my "reading".
The first thing she said to me was "Are you pregnant?". "No." I told her. "Well it's unlikely, I don't think so, no. no. I'm not. Unfortunately." She smiled at me and said "What's your daughter's name?".
"Uh, no daughter. No kids yet. Unfortunately."
"Really? hm."
At this point I was disheartned. We were 0 for ... what, like 3? I dont know. I was bummed. Then she said "Where is your husband going?"
"What? What do you mean?" I stuttered, shocked.
"Where's he going? I want to tell you he's going to be safe."
Aaaand tears. Here I am in a bar, talking to a psychic, trying not to cry.
"He is? Thank you for telling me that, he's being stationed in Bahrain in May. Without me."
"Well, he will be safe." She assured me and touched my hand.
"Are you all trying to get pregnant before he leaves?" She asked me. This is a common question and usually when people ask I can feel them judging our decision and I feel I have to justify it.
"We're not trying, not preventing. We would love to get pregnant but we've been trying for a while now and it hasn't happened, so..." I stammered.
"Well, in your 25th year, you will have a healthy baby."
I'm 24. My birthday is in October. Que more tears... I'm a blubbering idiot ok?
"Yeah? That would be amazing. I would love that."
All of these quotes are freaking me out. Without anyone suffering through anymore conversation, here's the rest of what she told me.
She said that I needed to be in the health field, but not a "traditional" health career. Hm. Since I'm training to be a Doula, I thought that was very interesting.
She told me that I needed to try to save some money because while Zack was gone or after my pregnancy (if I got pregnant before he left) I was going to lose a lot of weight and need a new wardrobe. Well, sounds good to me.
She told me my husband is crazy about me. And a few other things I felt I already knew, like that my husband and I would have 2 babies a boy and a girl and we would all live a happy life together.
Our time together (about 7 minutes) was ending and I stood up to leave. As I did she said "Wait, I just got this, you'll be pregnant before he leaves. Go home and have lots of sex. Take a prenatal every day until you get pregnant. You're going to be pregnant before he leaves." Aaaand more tears. She also said that I needed to stop putting my body down. No baby wants to enter a condemned body, she informed me. Then she wrote down some words for me to live by, and repeat to myself often, "I honor my body as a vehicle of God".
And I do. I honor my body as a vehicle of God.

Wouldn't that be just the best? To be pregnant before he left? Ugh. I'd love it.
So we stopped on the way home and bought prenatals and I've been taking them every day since. With my fingers crossed and my legs in the air. Too much? ha.

Here's a rundown of what she told Zack about 10 minutes after she talked to me.
We were sitting across the bar, so it's not impossible that she knew he was my husband.*
The first thing she said to him was that he was super "potent" and fertile right now.
Also that in about 5 months we would feel and be financially stable- that's about 3 months in to his duty in Bahrain.
She said that he was going to have a little boy, with his wife (me, ha), and be a little league coach. She also told him (what I already knew) That he's going to be a great Daddy =)
Also, apparently we are going to Europe at some point, and having LOTS of sex there.
She said in 14 months she saw real estate, maybe an acreage, come into our lives.
And finally she said he may get a phone call from a female family member concerning a womens health issue, but that it would all work out, and everyone would be ok.

All in all we both thought it was very cool and we're hoping for the best. I believe I will get pregnant before he leaves =) Because my body is a vehicle of God. And I honor it.

I have a whole lot of netflix and dishes to catch up on today so I better get on with that.

Have a spectacular day readers, I love your faces!

Oh yeah! - I'd like to wish a very happy birthday to my Mommy, who is the very best mom anyone could ask for. This picture illuminates where I get my drinking tolerance - or lack thereof.

And to my sweet beautiful niece Kenzie Rae. Happy 4th Birthday peanut butter and jelly sandwich!

Zack Made Me Cry

I know I promised a post about the psychic tonight, and it's started. But it's hard to complete when all I can think about is Zack leaving.
Today starts his last 3 day cycle of him doing his regular job before he switches to a desk job until his leave. Basically he will work these 3 days, be off until next Monday, when he will start working a day job in the office until April 16th. Then he is on leave to spend time with me and the people he loves, and get things ready to go. Then, just after our first anniversary, I will put my sweet husband on a plane for Bahrain. If I can function.
What am I going to do? I feel awful about it. Every day.
The plan was to use our tax return to make sure he had some travel money and to make sure we were both well equipped with a reliable way to skype with each other. Well, the plan is in jeopardy, because our tax return was not anything like what we expected. We had never filed as a married couple before. We expected more.
We are accepting donations.

Zack loves to read my blog. Which makes me so happy.
The other day he came out of the bedroom after reading it, and was sad. Zack is rarely sad. It's actually sort of frustrating. I don't want him to be sad, but this is a sad situation and he rarely talks about it. I asked him what was wrong and he told me that my blog made him sad.
Great. I knew I should have waited for something more exciting to blog about.
After several minutes of begging him to tell me what made him sad he finally told me it was because he read the post where I wrote about feeling guilty for not going to the dentist with him, because he said "because we do everything together. We're lovers. We're buddies. We're best friends." .
So we both started trying really hard not to cry. We told each other it would be ok, that I could handle things here and he could handle things there, and we would be better for it. We talked about how we will get to talk all the time, and about how absence makes the heart grow fonder... yatta yatta yatta.
I still cried.
So did he, don't tell him I told you.

It's not fair.

I know he's not going to Afghan. I know he's not going to Iraq. But, I'll miss him just as well. I miss him now, and he will be home in a few hours.
I love him so much.
We're buddies. We do everything together. For a year, a whole year, I will be without my best friend, my hero, my other half, the love of my life.
What am I going to do?

I don't want this to happen.

I would find someone I love this much, someone who loves me this much, and have him get stationed without me.

It will be alright. Right?

It will.

I'm lucky I found a love like ours. I'm lucky I have him to miss.

It still sucks.





Psychic post tomorrow? Sorry this post was such a bummer.
XOXO

About Waiting....

So about waiting.. I know I said we were gonna try that, but it absolutely sucks. I want a baby today. If I found a baby in Starbucks this afternoon, it is unlikely I would even report it. Baby fever has completely consumed me. Working at the daycare did not help matters.
As I'm typing this I'm choking down multiple terrible smelling prenatal and b6 vitamins. I want this. Zack wants this. The psychic we recently saw (which is a post in itself, I'll have to get to that) said it would happen. My Dad isn't really on board yet, but he's the only one actually voicing concern.
Obviously there are pros and cons. Zack will be gone during the pregnancy. That will be pretty awful. But we both want this.
Do I worry I'll be put on bedrest or something and have no one to help me? No. Not really. I am blessed with a lot of people who have a lot of love for me. And I just know I'm going to have a run of the mill healthy pregnancy.
I'm a worrier though, by nature, and I have thought of everything.
Everything. All of the scary awful things, too.
So instead of avoiding it, we're going back to our "not trying, not preventing" routine.
I can't wait to get to announce when we are finally expecting baby beautiful eyes =)
He already has a name. I know it will be a boy first. I can feel it. Plus, the psychic said so. Ha.

Man, it's nice to be blogging again. I have like 8 posts waiting to be published. I've typed my little fingers to the bone. So keep checking back- a lot of them are short little updates like this one, and some are novel style long.

Also, this week is National Genital Integrity Awareness week. If you or someone you know is about to have a little boy please check out the information available on the internet concerning circumcision. No health organization recommends infant circumcision, as anything more than a painful cosmetic procedure. drmomma.org has a wealth of information concerning infant circumcision and the dangers of having it done. It's not cleaner, it's not safer, and the rate of infant circumcision in the United States is rapidly declining because people are coming to their senses.

I'll leave you today with this- we'll talk again soon!

The following is information from the website circumcisiondecisionmaker.com

Human males, like all mammals, are born with a foreskin. Sometimes called the prepuce, the foreskin is thus an integral part of the normal penis.1 Its female counterpart is the clitoral hood, with which it shares many valuable features. The average adult’s foreskin is:

the most sensitive part of the penis, with 3/4 of its nerve endings

fifteen square inches in surface area, about the size of a regular postcard

a specialized double layer for a unique purpose.

The foreskin is intact in most Europeans, and in 80-85% of all other men around the world. At one time, virtually all Americans were intact, too. Circumcision became popular in the Victorian era because doctors (mistakenly) thought it curbed masturbation, which they viewed as an unhealthy practice.3 The circumcision rate increased due to social reasons and peaked in 1980 at 85%. Since then it has been declining steadily, dropping to 56% in 2006 and plummeting to 32% today as parents learn more about circumcision.

Our expert panel's consensus, after an extensive review of the literature, is that the only possible justification for circumcision is to treat boys or men with penile diseases or disorders—never as a preventive measure. The foreskin is a vital, functional part of the male genital anatomy. It is not a birth defect. Therefore, if there is not an absolutely urgent reason for removing it, it should remain intact—for ethical, psychological, and sexual reasons. The boy himself, when he is old enough, is the only person who should make any decision affecting the looks and function of his penis.

VISIT CIRCUMCISIONDECISIONMAKER.COM

There Is No Iowa

So, for various reasons I'm trying to check my credit report online. Freecreditreport.com is not actually free if you want to see your report instantly and I don't want to find my purse and credit card and pay the dollar it would like me to. Zack recently used freetriplescore.com so I went there and started typing my info. I got to the part where I have to enter my state and I swear on everything that is good there is no option for Iowa.
Have I been hallucinating the past 24 years? Does Iowa not exist? Because I feel a little bit like I'm taking crazy pills.
I find myself whining "Well, what the frack should I do??", to Zack, which is a question I absolutely loathe being asked and he tells me what I tell him when he whines it at me, "Make an executive decision. You're an adult.".
I don't know why he doesn't punch me.
Well, I gave it the good old college try. I'll call customer service tomorrow.
Maybe.

Let me address the adorable miniature elephant in the blog. I have been absent. For no particular reason really. I had a job for a minute. Literally like, 8 days. I have been sick since then, which was like 2 months ago, because the job was at a germ factory (child care) facility. My illness is why I decided that job wasn't a good fit for me, which is a bummer because I really liked the job.
So, I guess, that's what I'm blaming it on. Sick and working 8 days. Also, being in hibernation because it was freezing. And having limited access to the internet. And Zack's family coming in town. And being really unfunny and boring and having nothing to blog about.

A little bit of everything I suppose.

But I'm back! Which is extraordinary, since I seem to habitate a place that doesn't really exist. A worm hole perhaps. "Iowa". I'm telling you check it out. It's not there. On the website I mean. It's an anomaly.

Welp. That seems to be all for this evening. Zack and I are watching a childrens movie on our giant new TV, because the picture is so stinkin' beautiful.

I'll speak at all of you again tomorrow!
Missed you!