Molly On Weiner

Weiner resigning is such a bummer. One because I find the irony of his name, and this situation, so fantastically hilarious. But mainly because I don't think a little cell phone nudity warrants this type of outrage.

A divorce, maybe. If I was his wife, I would leave him.

Let he or she who has never taken a naked cell phone picture cast the first stone.

I sympathize with Weiner because one drunken evening a couple of years ago I accidentally uploaded a topless picture to facebook. It could happen to anyone. Cell phones are confusing, people.

I guess I just don't think it's that big of a deal. I think the people yelling at him during his resignation are complete douche bags. If you think sending a hot (of age) chick a picture of your junk makes you a "sick pervert" I invite you to happily live silently the rest of your life. You don't deserve to speak.

The guy who yelled "The people demand to know! Are you more than 7 inches?!" cracked me up however. If you gotta yell, I'm glad that's what you picked. The lunatics yelling "you sick pervert" at him thought they should yell and make it clear "that guy's not with us! kick him out!". Hahaha. No, dude. He's with you. On the crazy bus.

Barbara Walters has seen the uncensored picture of his ... manhood... and she said it was "impressive" on The View. I guess we don't know how many men Babs has seen naked, but I bet its enough to recognize an impressive peep. He's just proud.

I don't know. Maybe I'm missing something. He didn't touch anyone. None of the girls he sent pictures to were underage.

Anyway. That's all I have to say about that, I suppose.

Hank is currently at the groomer. I should be cleaning the dog hair out of my car and grooming myself, because I'm babysitting for a friend of Zack's this evening. I am not, of course. I will wait until minutes before I have to leave, I'm sure.

It's just that this Shania Twain rerun on Oprah is so captivating. I can't seem to pull myself away.
When she said after her husband cheated on her, and they were getting divorced, that she was freezing and the only thing that could make her stop shaking was to be chin-deep in a steaming hot bubble bath. That's me. When I'm super sad, scared, or anxious, I'm suddenly FREEZING and shakey. I get that. I get her.

I talked to Zack a lot today. I really needed him to tell me Hank was going to be alright at the groomer, because I'm a little bit of a lunatic. If he tells me he is ok, I feel like it must be true. He is off work for the next couple days and is spending his time playing video games with his new bestie David. I like David, he seems very interesting. Most importantly Zack likes David, they seem to get along quite well.

Well, I should shower. It's hot as could be outside and it's important I shower before I go to babysit. I'm really looking forward to babysitting =]

Have a great night everyone, I encourage all of you to send naked cell phone pictures to your significant others, and not twitter. Especially if you are a politician.

Be looking for a "Hank's New 'Do" Post in the near future!


XOXOX

Awful Suckful Day - Also, potentially life-saving advice.

I am angry and sad and frustrated and overwhelmed.

SN: This is probably not directed at you. I have the sneaking suspicion the directee's do not read my blog, or read for that matter. Zack and I have both been overwhelmed by the support from our family and friends. We love all of you so much.
I swear if one more person tells me to be strong, I will lose my mind. I am literally seconds away from fluffy bunny kicking crazy.
YOU be strong. Be strong next time you feel like you should tell me what you would do, be strong and don't give me your advice.

I know we will be fine.
I know he is going to come home safe.
I also know that for the next 359 days, give or take, I wont be able to be with him. I won't be able to go grocery shopping with him. I won't be able to watch movies with him. I won't be able to cuddle, or sleep with him.
I am so sad. I miss my husband.
I missed him before I got out of the airport. I sobbed the entire hour it took me to get out of the parking garage.

Isnt that special that you think that if you were in my position you could high-five your husband and gleefully skip to your car, I guess my husband and i just love each other more. Or maybe theres just something really wrong with you, or maybe theres just something really wrong with me. Regardless.

Going to the airport with my husband, and leaving without him absolutely killed me. I am devastated. We do everything together, and even driving home to our quiet house felt like I was being kicked in the stomach. And not just because our A/C conveniently went out last night, and the dog food in the kitchen is cooking in these temps, and smells awful.
I'm not being dramatic.
I miss him with my entire body.
I love him so much.
I hate this.

I hate it.

I know it's going to be ok. But today blows. I miss him so much.

About Waiting....

So about waiting.. I know I said we were gonna try that, but it absolutely sucks. I want a baby today. If I found a baby in Starbucks this afternoon, it is unlikely I would even report it. Baby fever has completely consumed me. Working at the daycare did not help matters.
As I'm typing this I'm choking down multiple terrible smelling prenatal and b6 vitamins. I want this. Zack wants this. The psychic we recently saw (which is a post in itself, I'll have to get to that) said it would happen. My Dad isn't really on board yet, but he's the only one actually voicing concern.
Obviously there are pros and cons. Zack will be gone during the pregnancy. That will be pretty awful. But we both want this.
Do I worry I'll be put on bedrest or something and have no one to help me? No. Not really. I am blessed with a lot of people who have a lot of love for me. And I just know I'm going to have a run of the mill healthy pregnancy.
I'm a worrier though, by nature, and I have thought of everything.
Everything. All of the scary awful things, too.
So instead of avoiding it, we're going back to our "not trying, not preventing" routine.
I can't wait to get to announce when we are finally expecting baby beautiful eyes =)
He already has a name. I know it will be a boy first. I can feel it. Plus, the psychic said so. Ha.

Man, it's nice to be blogging again. I have like 8 posts waiting to be published. I've typed my little fingers to the bone. So keep checking back- a lot of them are short little updates like this one, and some are novel style long.

Also, this week is National Genital Integrity Awareness week. If you or someone you know is about to have a little boy please check out the information available on the internet concerning circumcision. No health organization recommends infant circumcision, as anything more than a painful cosmetic procedure. drmomma.org has a wealth of information concerning infant circumcision and the dangers of having it done. It's not cleaner, it's not safer, and the rate of infant circumcision in the United States is rapidly declining because people are coming to their senses.

I'll leave you today with this- we'll talk again soon!

The following is information from the website circumcisiondecisionmaker.com

Human males, like all mammals, are born with a foreskin. Sometimes called the prepuce, the foreskin is thus an integral part of the normal penis.1 Its female counterpart is the clitoral hood, with which it shares many valuable features. The average adult’s foreskin is:

the most sensitive part of the penis, with 3/4 of its nerve endings

fifteen square inches in surface area, about the size of a regular postcard

a specialized double layer for a unique purpose.

The foreskin is intact in most Europeans, and in 80-85% of all other men around the world. At one time, virtually all Americans were intact, too. Circumcision became popular in the Victorian era because doctors (mistakenly) thought it curbed masturbation, which they viewed as an unhealthy practice.3 The circumcision rate increased due to social reasons and peaked in 1980 at 85%. Since then it has been declining steadily, dropping to 56% in 2006 and plummeting to 32% today as parents learn more about circumcision.

Our expert panel's consensus, after an extensive review of the literature, is that the only possible justification for circumcision is to treat boys or men with penile diseases or disorders—never as a preventive measure. The foreskin is a vital, functional part of the male genital anatomy. It is not a birth defect. Therefore, if there is not an absolutely urgent reason for removing it, it should remain intact—for ethical, psychological, and sexual reasons. The boy himself, when he is old enough, is the only person who should make any decision affecting the looks and function of his penis.

VISIT CIRCUMCISIONDECISIONMAKER.COM

I'm Going to Be FIne

Today has been a long day. I've been cleaning my house. Not just cleaning, I mean like deep cleaning. It was in complete disarray, so any kind of cleaning was welcomed by both my house, and my husband. My living room and bathroom are the cleanest they've been since I moved into this house. It's ridiculous. However, I have broken each and everyone of my Kim Kardashian glamorous finger nails. For some reason when I clean obsessively I slowly fall apart. My back aches, my feet suddenly feel freezing and go numbish, my skin gets dry, my lips immediately chap, and most concerning my nails get dry and break... yet, my husband doesn't feel this is a sign that I am to immediately stop cleaning and hire a cleaning service.

Our house is over run with animal hair. So much so that I almost considered naming this post Shaving the Kitty, which I immediately rethought... not really the type of reader I'm looking to get. Not on this blog anyway.
I won't pretend that Lucy is even one fifth of our animal hair problem, although her stripey hair is increasingly becoming an issue, it is mostly my big sheddy Hank. He makes no apologies about it, and the benefits of Hank's love far outweigh the fact that all black clothing Zack and I wear has to be kept in our cars, and we have to put it on in the driveway. Making wearing black pants uncomfortable for us, and our neighbors.
I have a dyson, and it rocks, and it still is a constant battle to tame the detached main of my zoo. It's really awful. But I try... yes I do.

Our dish washer is broken as well. It's one of those mobile ones that rolls around the floor when drunk people  lean on it. It was never really reliable for clean dishes, but for the first 18 months or so that I lived here, a couple cycles did the job. It has however, completely forsaken me. Bastard. Now it sits angrily in the corner of my kitchen, mocking me, unused and in my way. So I have been HAND WASHING dishes, for the first time in my life. So much for being the kept, trophy wife I thought I was. It dries out my hands and nails in a way that you can not imagine.
My nails are screaming, and they sound like a tiny Vietnamese woman named Susie who works at my nail place. They beg me to get acryllic nails and forget about how great my nails grow on their own when taken care of. But I can't. It's too danged expensive, and I just cant forget how awesome my nails look when they get to grow on their own. I'm not ready to give up on them.

My carpet is perpetually spotted. Our carpet is white, because my landlord is a sadist. I don't know what he was thinking when he filled this house full of white easily stainable carpet but it wasn't "Some day I'm going to rent this house out to a funny young woman, her muddy husband, her great big dog, and their occasional potty trained-challenged foster dogs. So, I think we will go with white carpet. Yep." No sir, it was not.

Bah. I hate cleaning. I'm the worst cleaner, but when I start, you better just leave me alone because I'm not stopping. Which is why demon kitty has been quarantined to her room most of the day, I was certain if I stepped on her tail one more time it was going to result in a pricey vet visit.

I haven't checked facebook, all day. I don't know what's on anyone's mind right now, and it is strangely freeing but extremely unfamiliar. I could think about nothing other than shiny sinks (Thank you Flylady), Windexed mirrors, and getting everything organized all the live long day.

Here's the thing, I think if I just stay this busy every day Zack is gone, I should be A OK. I have all sorts of things planned for the year from hell.
I'm going to workout every day, except for maybe Sunday. Just because nobody likes anyone who works out everyday and public approval is very important to me.
I'm going to go to weight watchers because I'm getting boudoir or pin up photos done as a Valentine's day present for my husband in 2012, (which I'm writing more about later) and I plan to be even cuter.
I'm going to work and make some money and since I'll be so busy, I hope to have no time to spend any of it and be super ready for baby beautiful eyes as soon as Zack gets back.
I'm going to play with all of the babies of the people around me lucky enough to get knocked up recently. That is going to be spectacular.
I'm going to start cutting coupons like it never went out of style. I don't care if I look like your Grandma in the grocery store. It's going to be sweet.
I'm also playing coed softball with two of my favorite people in the world, Chelsea and Sam. I'm really excited about that.
I'm going to volunteer my behind off for SOLAS, for Precious Memories, and for any other thing I can get into. Volunteering makes me SO happy. It's disturbing.
I'm going to blog and talk to you all a lot. Because I just love you so much.
Plus I'm going to be spending a lot of time shipping care packages to my husband and skypeing and talking to him as much as possible.

My point, dear kiddies, in this crazy long post is a three parter: 1: Everything in my house is falling apart, and is likely to get worse when my husband leaves. 2: I don't mind because it will keep me so busy trying to keep up with everything. and Finally, I'm going to be fine. Even though if I think about it for more than a minute I am likely to cry uncontrollably with no foreseeable end, but why in the world would I think about it for more than a minute?! Just like when he's gone, I'm going to take every day one minute at a time.


***Love you guys, thanks for reading. Recently I've been getting a lot of super positive feedback about TGIMolly and I'm so proud. I would say about 90% of my monthly readers are military wives, so if any one of you would like to write a guest blog post I would absolutely love that. Also, don't forget it's so easy to comment at the bottom of these posts and let me know what you think.***

My Appreciation

Hello kiddies! How are all of  you? I hope you all had a fantastic Christmas. Mine was magical, I soaked up every moment with my family and my hubs.

Christmas Eve - It's disgusting how much I love him.

It was amazing and we were spoiled. I appreciated it this year more than ever before, for several reasons. Sure it was in the forefront of my mind that next year will be hard while Zack is in Bahrain, even if I do get to go there. I appreciated spending time with my family. 

But this year I also remembered to appreciate being in a warm house, with an obscene amount of food, and more than enough presents to go around. 

The day before Christmas Eve Zack and I went with several other members of my family to volunteer for the Christmas party at a Christian daycare for the children of the working poor. It was so humbling and I want to take a moment to briefly share a little of my experience.

I have to stop quick and give a shout out here to my Aunt Mary who made a lot of things happen for these kids this year and several previous years and also asked Zack and I to come this year. And another big shout out to my Uncle Rod, who is the nicest, coolest, sweetest man alive and has played Santa to the 100+ screaming kids for the past several years like a champ. As well as Stacy who braved a fear of the "just bombed for bugs" building and sweated her way through the day, and who raised Cody and Zach (who also came) who are just about the coolest kids I've ever met and who are always, always willing to help someone out. And of course, to my Zack, who I saw in a different light helping little kids, even if he did gag at the smell of a freshly soiled diaper on the baby floor. 

I have unbelievably generous and kind family members. Back to what I was saying...

I have never "went without" as they say. I was blessed with amazing parents who loved me and were blessed with jobs that allowed them to provide more than enough for my brother and I. They worked hard, and often, and they were still the best parents anyone could have asked for. (Don't tell them I said that). 

I wont go in to how many cars they've bought my brother and I, how many trips they've paid for, what bills they still pay... They're amazing. I've always known this and appreciated them.

Then I went to Precious Memories...

I knew before I got there that there were a lot of kids and that most of them only got the presents they would be getting at this party. When we walked in to the basement to meet Angy (who is a Saint, this place is ran by Saints) we were surrounded by over 100 full trash bags of donated gifts. I was overwhelmed. We helped sort them and asked her which bag went to which kid, and which kid went to which pile, indicating the floor they were on in the building, the fact that she not only remembered each kids name but their age and which floor they were on was beyond my comprehension. 

After all of the sorting was finished while my uncle got all Santa'd up, we went to talk to the kiddies. The afore mentioned Saints talked to the kids about what was going to happen and they sang songs and talked about the Christmas story and how there was no room at the inn. It was very sweet to see all of the kids so anxious.

Then came Santa, and the glee from the kids made me so happy, and so sad. One at a time they each got a chance to sit on Santa's lap and get a picture and their stocking filled with candy, then they got their (usually bigger than them) bag of presents. 

Needless to say they were very grateful.

It was a lot more emotional for me than I had intended. 

It's emotional for me now, because I'm a huge baby. 

One of the kids was having a conversation with one of the ladies that works there. He asked "Will there be popcorn of chips at the party?" She told him there would be popcorn AND chips, and pudding cups, and sandwiches, and juice, and all sorts of other food to eat for lunch afterwards. The little boy literally squealed. 

There were kids who's parents came and wouldn't let them open their gifts so that they had something to open Christmas morning. There were kids who screamed and got excited for underwear and socks. There were kids who drug their trashbags through the line to get lunch with them after opening because they didn't want the gifts out of their site. They were so proud of their stuff. They were so dang cute. There were babies there who were days old all the way to school age kids, and none forgotten. It rocked.

I can't wait to go back.

The moral of my story is, I appreciate that I will probably never have to wonder where my next meal will come from. I appreciate that I never did have to wonder. I have a whole new appreciation for new socks and underwear, and all of the other presents I would have hated as a kid. My family is blessed. And no matter what happens, or what job I start working and what my hours are, I will always make time to give back. Because I'm spoiled. And Blessed. 

Going there was definitely worth the cold I got almost immediately after leaving.

Sigh, so, who's coming with me? 

So, You Think You Want To Marry A Sailor? Part I

Recently a few of my friends have said silly things to me about how they would love to date someone in the Navy/Military, and I feel this needs to be addressed my little tag chasers. Being married to someone who is married to the military is not all Christmas parties, and halloween parties, and moving fun places, and awesome benefits, etc. Although, there is a lot about it that's fun, a lot about claiming a sailor/soldier/airmen/marine is pretty suckful.

So this post will be dedicated to a few things I've learned and things I wish I'd known, I'm certain I would have made the same decisions I've made as far as my relationship is concerned it would have been nice to be prepared with this info.

Sailors know how to partay.

That's pretty much the jist of it. Sailors drink and party like... sailors. They're loud, and obscene, and they're frequently naked for reasons unknown, but they are fun. And that makes command parties a good time. Recently I saw a bunch of drunken sailors sing and dance to "I'm on a boat", it was absolutely hysterical. This is a definite pro, Zack and friends are very entertaining.

Nick and Zack at the command Christmas Party

Pride.

This is a given. There's nothing like being seen with a man in uniform, sigh. Plus, they're so sexy.

Hooyah Navy!



BAH does not happen immediately.

BAH or basic allowance for housing, does not come right after you get married. BAH pays your rent, and that rocks. However, when we first got married we already basically lived together and were managing to pay rent with my unemployment. We did however have to eat a lot of ramen. When we got married we were sort of counting on our housing allowance to kick in... it didn't happen on the first check... then it didnt happen on the second.... or the third...

A lot of paperwork has to be done and by that point Zack had no idea what the problem was. It finally came down to making sure the paperwork was completed and re-completed that he had indeed checked out of the barracks.

To check out of the barracks we had to clean, like really really clean his room and have it checked by the dorm manager. It usually takes 2 or 3 tries, and it's kind of a pain in the ass.

When we did finally get our BAH the check was massivo because we got back BAH, which totally rocked. But the months of barely getting by were very frustrating. When most girls marry someone in the military it involves moving across the country or at the very least far enough away that they have to quit their jobs. A friend of ours has been married since September and moved his wife quit her job and moved here from Chicago and they haven't received BAH yet. 

BAH is not something I will frequently complain about. The fact that the military is making sure we don't have to worry about paying our rent is allowing me to stay unemployed temporarily and spend this time with my husband. It is a benefit that is pretty sweet. Will put this in the pros column, but the waiting is rough.  



Being a dependant is weird.

I am classified as Zack's dependant. I have a dependant ID, so that I can see doctors or get on base without much hassle. To get it however Zack basically has to agree that I am his wife, and he is responsible and in some ways in charge of me. For those of you that know me, you know how I feel about people being the boss of me. It's difficult for me to fathom that while I am on base, I am a reflection of my husband and things I do could get him in trouble. Which makes me very nervous. I don't even like to go to the commissary because I'm concerned I'll cart crash the commander's wife or something. There are a lot of rules.

Follow the rules, or go home.

While it's frustrating to have a few rules to follow as dependents, don't speed, try not to look like a homeless person, be classy, don't embarass yourself and your husband, etc., being directly accountable to the military as a Sailor/Soldier/Airmen/Marine is much much more difficult. Zack has lots of rules he has to follow that I definitely couldn't. I'll name a couple...

Let's start with 6 ring stand-by. This means that Zack has to answer his phone within 6 rings of someone calling him any time of the day or night and be sober and ready to go save the world. Granted this is something that happens once in a blue moon, when it happens it's a little bit of a hassle. I can never find my phone. If I was on 6 ring stand-by I would be that dorky guy at the mall with the great big plastic belt clip for my phone on the side of my pants. It takes me 2 rings to identify and understand my phone is ringing and an additional 5 rings to find a phone in my purse. Bad news. Trouble.

Here's the kicker, the one that I'd definitely just fail at, is the PRT test. You know what this means ladies? This means they will tell you if you weigh too much, not only tell you but kick you out if you fail to fix it. Holy goodness. I'm so upset just thinking about this I ate half a pint of ice cream. I'd die.



Nothing is ever for sure, until it's happening.

If you read blog at all when I first started you know that Zack going to Bahrain without me is definitely not what we thought was going to happen. At one point we even had orders to Virginia, or at least we thought we did. This one is hard, it's very frustrating to not know for sure, and to not be able to plan. It also allows you false hope that maybe something won't happen, ie deployments, dependant restricted duty etc.



Hurry up and wait.

Again, if you've read any of the blog posts from the beginning you know about hurry up and wait. It's constant. Get ready, fill out paperwork, be prepared, fill out more paperwork, wait.... it's like that annoying kid who starts the playground race that says READY... Seeeeeeeeeeeeettttttttttt........... SEEEETTTTTTTT........SSSSSSSEEEEEEETTTTTTT..... SET......
Annoying.

Put on your big girl panties, you knew what you signed up for marrying him, it's just a year, suck it up, and other annoying things stupid people say.

These are all things civilians, and sometimes even other heartless mil wives, say to you that make you want to kick puppies. Never say these things to me if you expect to remain unharmed.
I don't wear panties, and I'll cut you.
I didn't sign up for anything, except marrying him and I'm pretty sure God and Zack have some sort of contract there because I never ever thought I'd end up with someone in the military. HE signed up for this, and I love him so I got dragged along. Shut it, or I will punch you in the throat.
It's just a year, suck it up. It's just a year?! Please tell me the last time you were ever away from your husband for a year? Oh, never? I thought so, or you probably wouldn't be so insensitive. And I can't suck it up because I actually like my husband. Excuse me. Dicks.

Avoid the drama.

Military wives get a bad name when it comes to drama. The stereotype is that they all sit at home and talk about each other, and that's not really true. Most of the military wives I have met are legitimately good people, moms, and wives. They are a sisterhood, and an extremely welcoming community. They don't all cheat. They don't all gossip... But some do. And those women should be avoided at all costs. They're horrendous.

And, finally.

No one can love you the way a man with a deployment or dependant restricted duty in the foreseeable future can.

That's all.

Well that was fun =)

Jingle Bells!

I am so excited for Christmas.

Today Zack and I exchanged gifts because I spent an obscene amount and was too excited to wait to give him his stuff. So, naturally hes been playing with his new ps3 (I'm such a good wife) all the live long day. sigh.
That's what I meant to do of course, give him a gift he would like more than me.

Anyway.

The weather is so unacceptable. Seeing as I am hereditarily a Lich, I am usually freezing. This weather is slowly killing me. I am a Molly-sicle. All of the time. Earlier today, it was 24 tiny degrees and pouring rain. Which of course, immediately froze. Making it dangerous and close to impossible to get from point A to point B in a motor vehicle. And to top it off a couple of inches of snow, to frost the ice cake. Which is annoying, and also scary. My bestie Chelsea was in an accident today that I won't even think about for more than a second, because it upsets me. I am so, so grateful that she and her precious babes are ok. I love them so very much.

Last night Babe and I went to Abraham Lincoln high school to watch my cousin Cody sing in a chior concert. Honestly, him and his beautiful (cougar) gf Bailey were the only ones worth listening to. They both rock. Their talents are being wasted in such a lack-luster program. They need to be at Lewis Central. It is imperative.
Anyway, after the first terrible song the freshman chior, which was virtual male-free, sang the terribly boring chior director announced that "this is not a rock concert, hooting and hollering for people is not appropriate for this type of concert". I was annoyed, but Babe took her comment as a challenge. He smiled. And waited.
Eventually-- something like 12 terrible songs later-- Cody and Bailey were FINALLY on stage. As the kiddies lined up on the bleachers Babe turned around with a devious look in his eye and said to my mother "I'm going to yell for Cody", and she laughed and said that was a gread idea. I was too far away to do anything and thought it wouldn't really matter anyways with all the clapping after they were done singing. Not what Babe had in mind. In dead silence, with robed high schoolers lining up on the bleachers, he quite randomly yelled "CODY SELF".
Cody's face turned bright red and my family laughed until we almost peed. It was glorious. The director with the stick up her ass was visibly unhappy. Whatev, lady. Maybe worry more about your soloists knowing the words to the songs theyre singing. ugh.
Cody and Bailey were amazing. Cody is extremely talented musically, and apparently Bailey is as well. Honestly I had no idea, but she earned about 1000 cool points once we heard her sing. They rock.

So that's that. I can't sleep.
I might blog again later, I've been considering adding the chapstick story (about Zack and I's first kiss) to this blog, or maybe the story about when he proposed to me. Because it's my blog and they're fun stories, but also because I want to remember them forever and ever.

Welp. I suppose I'll give trying to sleep a try.

So glad we had this talk, I'll leave you with this hilarious video of some people I love doing our favorite hip-hop number. We're fantastic dancers.

Relief

Oh thank GOD for migraine relief. I don't know what did it. I don't know why it took so long, and I definitely don't know why I had to waste an entire day in bed with the lights off randomly crying for my Mom. But it appears to be over now. Thank GOD for that. Thank GOD. Seriously.
That's enough about that.
Today was a nice day, I'm told. I really hate that I missed it, ha.
Seriously, enough about that.
Zack is making me watch Secret Window. Which I do not enjoy. It's a good movie, I guess, just not my genre. We're at the there is no John Schuter part. WHAT?! What a shock. I called it. The first time I watched it.
Anyway.
The most random and bizarre search terms are leading people to my blog. I am grateful for the readers, so I wont judge them. But, yesterday, someone got to my blog by using the search terms "with the dogs tail". Which is slightly alarming.
For the record no dog tails were harmed in the making of this blog. I don't even remember ever writing about a dog tail, although I must have. My life is filled with dog tails. For example, Lucy is attacking Hank's dog tail on the couch next to me right now. It's adorable.
Speaking of dog tails, I also missed volunteering today at the animal shelter. Which I am unhappy about. Since I didn't go you should go and adopt a cat or dog from them today. Right after reading this. Here's the website =) solas.networku.net
I would like to find a new free way to spend time with my husband and create lasting memories before he leaves. Preferably at home. We've been playing a lot of wii... naked. lol, just kidding about the naked part. Or am I? haha.
I am super hungry. I told Zack this and he said "I'm not. I've been grazing in the kitchen all day. I literally haven't stopped eating." haha. Grazing is a popular family term used when someone is mindlessly eating whatever is edible. Zack is becoming more and more like my father. It's concerning and strangely comforting.
Well, this post was the picture of random. Whatever.
See you all tomorrow =)

My Mini-Human

I can NOT wait to have a baby. I'm trying. I am. But I am just so excited.
I am going to be what is commonly referred to as an attached parent. I will have whole, uncircumcised, kiddos who I will selectively vaccinate, wear full-time, breast feed until they don't want to anymore, they will be cloth diapered, and they will be brought into this world as peacefully, and as drug-free, as God will allow. These are decisions Zack and I have already made for our babies. We already know their names and we sometimes refer to them as if they are here. We are very excited.
They will be our babies. OURS. I don't care what you do with your baby. We have researched and researched every single decision that we have already made, and we know these decisions are right for our babies. I absolutely believe that they're right for all babies, but certainly know it's not my place to go to your facebook and throw advice you didn't ask for at you. I know enough common courtesy to know not to tell you you're wrong... to your face, anyway.
There is no (none) medical proof that says baby boy Williams should be circumcised. In fact, to the contrary. Like Craig Ferguson recently said "so, the options are wash it or cut it off?". Seems silly.
My baby will be born with ears, they will be an inconvenience to me at first, and to him later. They will get dirty, they could get infected, they will have to be washed every single time I bathe him... pain. in. the. ass. So, we're having them removed.
Call CPS I'm out of my mind!!
But if I said the same thing about a useful, nerve filled part of my future son a lot of the people in the United States would be perfectly fine. ugh.
Also, I'm a mammal, and I want to give my baby the very best start at life, so of course I will breastfeed. The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding 'til 2. I will. That's it. I will. It is what my body was made to do. If I am in the extremely small percent of women with a legitimate reason that they can not, I will feed my babes someone elses breast milk. That's it. They're mammals and they're human. They deserve, their birth right is, to get human breast milk.
I'm getting off track, and I didn't want this post to be about how I hate standard procedure and how hospitals treat birth like an illness. So, it's not going to be.
What I DESPISE, is women who believe differently defending their decisions to Mom's who choose to raise their babies naturally and have all the medical and psychological proof in the world to back it up.
My best friend is without question, the best Mom, that I have ever seen. She's researched thoroughly every decision she has made for her baby and future baby and she does everything she can to make sure her kiddo's have the very best start at life. Unfailingly, however, every single time I stalk her facebook page her evil evil monster-in-law or some hillbilly she's friends with (sorry) is telling her how dumb it is that she still wants to breastfeed or not circumcise or cloth-diaper. It is astounding. The overwhelming majority of these people are lazy people who just go with the flow and do whatever their doctor says to do, that are defending their bad decisions because they feel guilt or some other similar emotion about making them. If you make a decision for your baby and you have medical proof or really, ANY TYPE of legitimate argument, I can respect that. But inconvenience or tradition is not a legitimate argument. Recently someone wrote on her page "I circumcised both my kids, I believe it's a personal choice on this one." what??? Sure, so is everything else! See:ear removal. dumb.
Or calling people selfish who choose not to get the MMR vaccine for their kids, because there is a considerable risk of HARM to the child. Or saying that standard procedure std vaccinations for NEWBORNS are there because "so many mom's lie" about their STD status. WTF?!
Silly.
My point here is, SHUT UP. That's great that you formula feed and gave your baby cereal at 2 weeks. Good for you. Your baby will probably be fine. Probably. If probably works for you, GREAT.
I have to hold my tongue every single time I go to her facebook.
Recently her own father-in-law told her that a decision she made for her baby (a legitimate decision) just didn't have a "good enough fucking reason".
I swear I will cut someone.
This is why, as a lactivist, intactivist, future cloth diapering, baby wearing, selective vaccing, breastfeeding, Mom I will not explain myself. The decisions I make will be discussed with my husband only. Because I could not be nice to the people my dear dear bestie is nice to. I will end up in jail.
That is all.

Ninja Baby

"If you have a baby in Japan you should just leave it there. A baby on a 25 hour plane ride would suck. Plus, if you leave it in Japan it has a much better chance of becoming a ninja."-Daniel Lich

I'm gonna be a flippin awesome Mom. I was born to do it. I would say I can't wait, but I can. Am I anxiously awaiting November 24th 2011, when I am promised as much unprotected sex as it takes to get our little baby beautiful eyes? I absolutely am. But in the mean time I will be enjoying several more months of protected sex, partying and sleeping in with my amazing husband. It's no secret that, while Zack and I know we are meant to be with each other, we haven't known one another existed for a super long time and I'm enjoying our time together just us.

I have little to no concerns about most of the process. If all goes to plan our little ninja baby will be born in Guam, Sicily, or Japan and travel home with us to the U.S. when he or she is 9 to 16 months old. The plane ride will undoubtedly suck, but its just one day of our lives, so we will deal.

We already have possible names. We already have a birth plan, for goodness sakes. I'm a planner.

No amount of planning will eliminate the guilt I feel about getting prego and having a baby overseas however. It's obscene. I am going to want my mommy. I am going to want my Dad to meet Baby Williams immediately. I will probably be able to talk them in to an overseas adventure to meet their first Grandbaby. Especially since Zack and I expect baby beautiful eyes to be nothing short of the most amazing baby in history. But my grandparents, the rest of my family, and my friends will probably have to wait to meet our love child.

Which blows.

Also, what about Zack's family? I hope they come see us overseas as well. I miss them. My in-laws are awesome.

I'm going to have to teach everyone to use skype. A lot. And the facebooker that I am its not like any of my nearly 600 friends will miss much.

I can't just put my life on hold and wait until I'm almost 28. Not happening.

Still, this is the only part of having a baby I am not confident about.

Sigh.

Well, guess what else is on my mind tonight girls and boys... moving. Tomorrow morning will be the last morning that I won't know... how crazy is that??

I can't wait to have my brain back.