A Girl Has Needs

This one is at the top of my list today...

I need these shoes boys and girls. I need them.

I don't know when I became the kind of person who feels guilty spending a large amount of money, but it happened at some point. These puppies are 90 dollars.

I'm sure if they were pretty shoes, heels or pretty flats or something, I would have no problem dropping that kind of cash on them. But they're just trainers, and I will only wear them to workout.

Actually that's really 90% of the reason I leave my soggy house nowadays, maybe I need to just suck it up and make the investment.

Why do I need these Lunarfly+2 shoes? Because my feet are a sore and miserable mess. It's really awful. I won't go into detail, but trust me... It's horrifying.

Also these shoes are nike+ ready. Nike+ is the most amazing technology.

What will happen is I'll put that cute little sensor in the predetermined location inside of my cute new Lunarfly's and tell my iPhone (not ipod) I'm getting my workout on. Then my iPhone talks to my SHOE?! It knows how far we go, it knows how fast we go, and how hard we were working (me and my shoes). It will tell me how many calories I've lost and let me listen to a playlist of my favorite workout songs and end my workout with my "PowerSong" for motivation.

Also, apparently, if I sync my nike+ system with my facebook account, it will tell my facebook friends when I'm about to start a workout. Then if my friends "like" that I'm working out, my phone gets the notification and I hear applause with my music. Kind of cheesy, but I love cheesy.

Motivation is fun.

I need those items. Lunarfly's and the nike+ iPhone system. Contact me for my PayPal information if you would like to make a donation... in the interest of my health, and the health of my poor, poor feet.

I'm going crazy, and my mother and my cousin are driving me there. My Mom can't understand why I don't just wear a pair of her shoes, that are 2 sizes too big (and hideous) and completely flat on the bottom. I have humungously high arches, and I'm a pain in the ass and I like to wear shoes that fit. And aren't hideous.
My cousin can't understand why I don't just buy a pair of payless tennis shoes. Well, because my feet already hurt. I'm not trying to wear hard plastic, 12 pound, torture devices on my already bruised and battered feet.
They mean well.

I am off to do more packing, and more bothering my husband from a world away. I hope you all have a fantastic Monday! Tomorrow is our 6 Weeks Downiversary, and my next weigh in! Get excited, readers! I know I am!!

<3 you!

Walmart

I went to walmart today. I am not a fan of walmart. I like to get in and get out. As fast as possible.

Today I saw someone at walmart I know vaguely from high school and facebook. She stopped me. Not a polite smile, not a wave, she stopped me. I didn't like where this was going, but I was polite.

I am a firm believer in being kind.

You never know what kind of a day someone is having, or what kind of place they're at in their lives.

I guess I just know that if someone who I vaguely know is stopping me in walmart to make conversation, she probably really needs someone to talk to, or she thinks I do.

This person told me she had just found out she was pregnant, again.

I went through my mental roll-o-dex to check the facts. Did I know this already? If it was on facebook, surely I would have seen it. Nope, I didn't know. How many kids does she already have? 2. Isn't she always complaining about them and how her boyfriend is physically and verbally abusive on facebook? Oh, yes.
This is why I didn't know this person was pregnant, she is facebook hidden.

I love hiding people. I don't have to worry about their children if I don't have to read about how they're "guna get a whoopin if they don't stop bein NOTTY" (actual status of this person).

Do you ever have the sudden urge to tell someone you barely know that you would be happy to adopt their unborn child? Just me? Well, whatever.

I hurried from the conversation. She offered nothing else. She was excited for the baby and "kicked out that liar" who I assumed was the abusive boyfriend. I'll pray for them and hope for the best.

I doubt she's reading this, but if you are- I didn't mean to offend you, and honestly I would adopt any of the three of your kids in a heart beat. Let me know.

I honestly do try hard not to judge people, but I feel like I have enough info there to know we couldn't be friends.

After my encounter with the reason I rarely shop where I might see someone I know, I continued with my shopping.

Let me precede the next story with this fact, I love red grapes. Green ones are sour and gross and I don't know why people would choose them over red.

Yummo

This walmart is ALWAYS out of red grapes.

Do you ever have that moment when someone who is clearly without all of their mental faculties, or even TOTALLY out of their mind, is saying what you are thinking but would never say?

For example, one time things were moving slowly at the zoo and we were stuck with 100 other sweaty stinky people waddling through that hot dark tunnel in the rainforest. My mom was freaking out. When out of nowhere this perfectly nice mentally handicapped gentleman started shouting "ALRIGHT, HURRY UP! I'M GONNA FREAKOUT! I'M CLAUSTROPHOBIC! I'M HOT! HURRY UP!". My mom said he was speaking her inner monologue.

Today walmart was out of crunchy delicious red grapes. I was disappointed. This day was not going well.

When suddenly, I had to check to make sure I still had a hold on things, was that me yelling?

I turned around to find this meth head SCREAMING at an employee "WHY ARE THERE NEVER ANY RED GRAPES?! I NEED THEM. I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER! I NEED THE EXPLETIVE RED GRAPES! EVERY TIME I'M HERE YOU EXPLETIVES ARE OUT OF THEM!".

I was cracking up. I wanted to say "Yeah, I'm with crazy! Where are the expletive red grapes?" But I didn't. I grabbed a bag of icky green ones and I shuffled away trying not to laugh.

Sigh, walmart. At least it wasn't night time. It wasn't totally packed.

Tomorrow my little Hank is having his hair shaved! I am nervous, but this place is a lot nicer and therefore less stressful for me. I am finding that he is less stressed if he is tired, and the place he's getting groomed at is about 23 blocks from our house, which is what I've been walking with him. So I'm going to drive my car down there and leave it. Then walk home, get Hank and walk him back to the groomer. That way he is tired and it will be less stressful for him to be groomed.

He's been sort of achey after we walk. He's good the next day, but for the day after we walk he has a hard time getting up after he is laying down. It's still easy for him to run around the yard with the neighbors dog, but getting up from a nap is rough. I guess I need to make an appointment with his vet to make sure walking him isn't detrimental.

My google vet skills say it's just because he's out of shape, and that he will get used to it and be ok. That this is good for him. It's still hard to see him sore. I supposed I'll buy a supplement. He's only 5.

I'm excited to post pictures of his new 'do! I'm sure it will be comical if nothing else.

Welp I suppose that's all for today boys and girls.
XOXOXOX

One Month Downski

I can't believe it's been a month.... since I shaved my legs.

Just kidding.

I've shaved my legs at least once in there somewhere.

A month of barely sleeping. A month of never being more than 2 feet away from my phone. A month of missing my husband with my whole heart.

Let me tell you  something super sappy i've learned.

I've learned that I am absolutely crazy about my husband. I love him more than I even knew before he left, and even then people were annoyed by how much we loved each other.
Like that song "I thought I loved you then", I know that's totally cheesy, but seriously. It is so true.

The day I married Zack I remember thinking "This is the best day. My heart is so full of love for this man. I have never felt anything like this before. This is it. This love is what everyone looks for." Then on our one month anniversary I thought, "This is the love everyone looks for, I can't believe how much more I love him than I did just a month ago. My heart is so full. I am so happy." Then on our one year anniversary, just a little over a month ago, fearing this deployment could damage our relationship, I made a mental note "Molly, remember how much you love your husband at this moment. Your heart is so full. You are so blissfully happy. You are so lucky. This love, is unlike anything I've ever felt before. Never let your love for him be any less than it is at this very moment. He loves you so much. You are so lucky.". Little did I know...

Then here we are today. One month since he left. One year, one month, and 3 days since we got married. I am so overwhelmed with how much I feel for Zack. I can't believe how speaking to him changes my mood and my day. I can't believe the way my body physically aches to be close to him. It's amazing to me that even with everything going on and all the things that suck about this I can still step back, even if just for a moment, and realize how lucky I am to have a love like ours.

I know, sappy Sally. But, seriously, I can't get over it. I'm so in love with my husband.

I never thought I would be one of those women who is this proud of their husband. I am one of those people who has I Love My Sailor magnets on their car. I search the internet for the most perfect custom "Proud Navy Wife" decal for my brand new car. I want to shake the hands of random service members, they feel like brothers of my husband. I want to hug their wives, and tell them how strong and amazing they are.

All because I am so over-the-top in love with, and proud of, my husband.
I will work really hard to remember how this feels. How it feels right now to be sitting in our house by myself while he sleeps thousands of miles away. I'll remember and work hard to never take a moment with him for granted. I can't wait to appreciate his dirty socks everywhere.

Of course I've learned a lot since he left about us, and communicating, and our relationship. What's important to tell him and what isn't. But we're getting the hang of it. Even though it is totally suckful, we're going to get through this.

We are lucky and blessed.

I can't wait to be that close to him again =]

***It's easier than ever to comment on these posts! Please leave a comment =]***

Yep. I'm That Girl. Poor Hank.

Today I cried in the dog groomer and couldn't leave Hank there to be groomed.

Don't judge me. Let me explain.

Hank desperately needs to be groomed. He sheds year round enough to drive any pet owner completely out of their mind. And twice a year he "blows coat" which isn't what you think... gross... he basically molts. HUGE handfuls of hair just fall off of his body. It's disgusting. I however, love him so much I barely notice until someone else says something or I'm wearing something nice, and black.

I'm talking pay a large ransom love.

Who wouldn't love that sweet face??

Hank has been through a lot with me. He was a gift from my ex, and one of the only good things that came from that relationship. He was with me when I was embarassed because everyone was talking, before and after the break up. He was with me at my parents house between houses, when I cried myself to sleep, because I wasted so much time. He sat with me in the bathroom all the nights Haley lived with me, when I was too drunk to make it to my bedroom. He met and vetted lots of guys before Zack. He has been there through all the big moments of my life the last 5 years, the most important of which was meeting and falling in love with my sweet Zackery. He was my first clue Zack was the one for us.

Hank was at the bottom of the pile during the chapstick story.

Zack loves Hank.

He picked up Hank poop in the front yard, he loved Hank and played with him, and most of all he rarely- if ever- complained about the ridiculous amounts of Hank hair. But also, it turned out, Zack and Hank were already related.

When I got Hank, he was a sweet little 10 pound ball of white fur. The cutest little puppy I've ever seen. I am struggling to find a puppy picture, but I'll put one up eventually. He was silent and slept for the first 48 hours after we brought him home from the pound. I named him Hank because I love country music and I like people names for dogs. So we named him Hank after Hank Williams.

Zackery's last name is also Williams.

Hero: Zackery Williams-- See?

Which makes it fun to call and make appointments for Hank Williams. People always laugh and think I'm one of those people who names their dog a name like that since Williams is my last name. I'm not. He had my last name for 4 years, first. But it's still pretty funny.

Anyway.

Hank is my favorite. I love him so much. I would never ever put him in a situation we were not both 100% confident about. He loves Barb's Best Friends doggy daycare, and he's very social. He hates the vet, but it's a necessity, and I would never ever leave him there without me. I want him to feel confident that I will keep him safe, because he has helped me get through some pretty terrible parts of my life, and I owe that to him. Hank is more than my dog, he is my friend, and he is my baby. I am that girl.

Hank loves the water, so in the past when he has just been bathed at the groomer I am confident that he isn't scared, and I feel like I can leave him there. He loves people, and anytime people are paying attention to him he's happy as could be.

Here's Hank loving Haley after a dip in Manawa

This time was different, because our house is in the flood zone, and we are more than likely going to have to move in with my parents for at least a little while. Since my parents think that sheddy dogs live outside, and Hank and I have a very different opinion on the subject, I decided that I would get him shaved into the lion cut this year so that he can habitate the indoors right by my side where he belongs. Plus he has terrible allergies and someone suggested that the cut might help him to attract less allergens... I'm not sure about that but I'm willing to give it a try. Also, It's hot as the sun where we live in the summer, and he gets miserable unless he is in the lake. So even though he has a beautiful, double coat, I decided it was our only option. Even though I was feeling a lot of guilt about it.

Look how cute that baby is?!

So here we are today. I made an appointment a couple of days ago at the one place that wasn't going to charge us $80.00 or more. Today at 11 was his appointment, and we got there about 10:55. As we drove up I was immediately concerned. The building was a house. In a completely residential area, and it was not a very nice house, I could tell from the outside. There were kennels outside because the place is a doggy daycare also, which is concerning since to be groomed there they do not require the Kennel Cough Vaccine. There was a sign outside that said "Puppies For Sale In July" and nothing makes me angrier than people breeding puppies for cash when the shelters are FULL.

Don't get me started.

Hank and I parked and walked towards the house. He was stoked. He loves to visit people, he's always excited. As soon as I opened the door to their screened in porch, the stench of cigarette smoke hit me. Super professional. What did I expect?

Despite my better judgement we kept walking in and as soon as Hank smelled the entry rug (which probably smelled like nervous animals) he immediately got nervous and his ears went down and he hunched as close to the ground as possible. He trusts me though, and he kept walking in with me. Hank and I have went to parties at much grosser places.

The receptionist greeted us and made a Hank Williams joke, as she would. I gave her Hanks shot records and out of nowhere, this LOUD and seemingly vicious dog bark came out of the back of the house. Hank bolted for the door. He is a lover not a fighter. He was scared, and all I could think of was he really needs his haircut... he really needs it, and I'll wait outside in my car the 3 hours it takes, I'll pick him up as soon as he's done. This will be fine. He's ok.

He was not ok.

After a minute we walked to the back of the house to put him in a pin to wait for his turn to be groomed. There were several dogs pinned in the back for "day care" (Barbs Best Friends is doggy daycare, not pins) and the receptionist slid a plastic tray under a big pin RIGHT NEXT to the dog who was WIGGING OUT. Hank was not having it. He kept looking at me like "Are you on drugs? You must be on drugs." He was so scared. I have terrible guilt for not leaving right then. The other dog was banging against the side of her pin trying to get to Hank. I forgot to mention, I also had a very rough, scream at the top of your lungs "I WANT MY HUSBAND BACK", type of night, and I was exhausted and as such very emotional. So, I started to cry. Not sobbing, but like sad movie crying. Silent crying, but there were definitely tears.

Yep. Get the visual. I'm not even embarassed. I was having a moment. Don't judge me.

The receptionist sort of paniced at this point. She could tell we were both pretty distressed (haha). What she did next though, made me go put Hank back in the car.
Hank is a German Shepherd mix. Anyone who works with dogs knows that particular breed frequently have hip joint issues, and Hank definitely does. This bitch got on her knees, leaned forward and grabbed my BABY by his front legs and tried to pull him into the pin. I, terrets style, loudly blurted out "STOP!" and yanked the leash away from her and started walking towards the door. No one manhandles my baby.

I was trying to continue to be nice, because I knew if I lost my temper the police were likely to attend our consultation. My rage, however, was boiling to that point and I felt like it was probably time to rush out of there. She said she would reschedule me an appointment when there would be less dogs in there, and I smiled politely and walked to my car. Where I sat and hugged my Hank and apologized over and over. Poor dude.

I drove him to another groomer, where my mom takes her dog, that was more expensive (still not terrible) but someone I trust and took Hank in to make an appointment. Like I should have done the first time. I'm a loser.

He's going next week, and I will let all of you know how that goes. In the mean time if you live in this area, and need a fun and safe place to take your dog for daycare or boarding stick with Barb's Best friends.

I told the other groomer how horrified I was by the whole experience and they promised me they would be good to him and I could stay the whole time if I wanted. Hank even liked being in the building and was excited to see all of the other dogs casually walking around in there.

So, I am feeling like the worlds worst dog mom. I took Hank to McDonalds to get him chicken nuggets and an ice cream cone. He was still nervous and his usually perky adorable ears were still glued to the side of his head, but I feel like he is going to forgive me.

It was quite the experience. Already both of my parents have given me a hard time about being too protective, even though my Mom never would have left her dog there. The thing is, I'm certain Hank would have had a heart attack if I had left him at that place, and I just couldn't do it. Zack got it. The animal lovers who read this will get it. Anyone who has ever seen me with Hank will at least not be surprised.

Sigh. I did the right thing.

Anyway, on today's agenda we have brush Hank until he wont allow me to anymore, and pack more of our stuff.

I know that was long folks, I was venting. Thanks for reading =]
XOXOXO

Taking The Bad With The Good

I am in a fantastic mood today, considering.

Considering my house is more than likely going to be under 3 to 4 feet of standing water by the end of the month, and I am being forced to pack all of my most important worldly belongings. I am feeling confident that I'm going to be able to get out all of the things that really matter to Zack and I, as well as most of the stuff that doesn't. If my house is unlivable, which it will obviously be if it floods even a little, I have a place to go that I can take my Hank and Lucy, and all of our stuff, for free. Which is exciting since I will still get my housing allowance, and I will have enough money to replace any necessities that I may not move.

This is all fantastic news.

However, I am super excited because today was my second weigh in with Weight Watchers. I have officially been on "the plan" for 2 full weeks and I have already lost 7.4 pounds! Woot! I received my 5 pound weight loss milestone today and I am thrilled. I have also lost multiple inches. I am elated. I can't believe how easy this is. I can't believe how close I am to my first goal, it is insane. At this rate I will reach my goal weight well before Zack gets home. I just need to stay motivated, and I really don't think that's going to be a problem.

I am already looking at cute little outfits to wear to pick Zack up from the airport. It's so exciting.

I know 7.4 pounds doesn't seem like much in 2 weeks, but this isn't really a diet, it's the way I will learn to eat for the rest of my life. People on weight watchers generally lose 1 to 2 pounds a week. I have a total of 50 weeks since I started Weight Watchers to the time Zack gets home, 1 or 2 pounds a week works pretty perfectly since I'm not trying to lose 100 pounds.

That was exactly what I needed to get me out of my funk. I have been pretty sad lately. But today I feel good. Even though I still miss Zackery like crazy.

I HATE packing and moving though. I have always hated it. It always feels messy and unorganized. So in that arena, I could definitely use some motivation. It is not fun.

I'm being told if it floods even a little bit they will shut off the power to our area. Since it is almost a certainty that it will flood at least a little bit I feel like I should start moving my stuff as soon as possible so that I don't end up moving stuff, especially big stuff, from my house in the 10 zillion degree heat.

Because the heat here is not playing around. It is as hot here this week as it is in Bahrain. It's insane. Anyone who has ever moved or helped someone move, knows that the only thing worse than moving someone in the middle of the subzero temp winter, is moving someone in the middle of the my skin is cooking temps in the summer. So, It's sort of a hurry up and wait game now. Good thing I'm so used to that.

So, there's that.

I want to briefly mention to all of you how bummed I was this morning, however.
WAIT! It's not what you think.
This morning I wanted to donate Lucy's old litter box to the animal shelter, because I just got a sweet new one that requires minimal poop touching. I got there a little early and while I was sitting in the parking lot I saw a family, with their 2 small children in the car, bringing their cat and kittens to be dropped off.
It is kitten season and the shelter is PACKED with homeless cats and kittens. If you bring your cat in with it's kittens right now you should feel confident that at least half of them will not make it out. They're just too full. So don't be an ass and take your cat and kittens to the shelter. Spay and Neuter your animals, first and foremost. But if you're too lazy and irresponsible to do that, at the very least, it is your responsibility to take care of your family pets offspring, and make sure they all have loving and responsible homes to go to.
How can someone take their pet to the pound like they're returning a library book? I can't understand it. Lucy is psychotic. She is rarely a joy to be around. She is mean to everyone besides Zack and I, and really that's only if she's having a good day. She believes, firmly, that her mission in life is to attack and kill everything in our home. Even on her very worst day, I have never seriously considered taking her to the pound. Because she's my responsibility. Zack and I adopted her and I owe it to her to stick it out no matter how psychotic she turned out to be, and love her even if she will only let me pet her 2 or 3 times a day.

Lucy helping me pack.

So don't be stupid.
It breaks my heart.

So. Negative.

Sometimes I miss Zack so much it is physically debilitating. It actually hurts.
I'm happy for the wives who aren't really bothered by being alone, I really don't judge them. I'm actually jealous.
This week I am mostly sad. Some days I think it's getting much easier, but today, I think it's much harder and the wound of my husband having to spend a year elsewhere is still pretty fresh.
This week I finally kicked that stupid Thunderbolt cell phone (that's right, turns out I hate it) and Verizon, to the curb.
I got a new iphone4 with AT&T and now I can TEXT Zack. It's the best thing that's happened for our relationship since he left. I feel closer to him. Which is probably why this last few days have been so difficult, because I feel closer to him but he is still so, so, far away. I literally can't explain to you what I would do to see him right now, and be able to touch him. I promise you it's way more exciting, and explicit, than what I would do for a Klondike bar.
Yep. I'm going crazy.

And now my house might be in this stupid flood. It's infuriating. It's stupid and I hate it.

Also, I miss my Grandma. A lot. She's in Florida right now, and I really want her to come home. To her house.

Before I get the hate mail, I know how lucky I am that my husband isn't in Afghanistan or somewhere where I have to worry about how dangerous it is. I know I am super blessed to be able to talk to him and text him, sometimes even skype him. I guess I'm just a whiner, ok? I miss him so much. There's nothing I can do. So I'm complaining. Because it's late at night, and I miss my husband.
I don't want to spend my 27th night in bed with Hank and Lucy, and no Zack.
Tonight, It's weighing heavy on my heart that I have at least 342 more nights alone. Sometimes that happens. More than likely I will wake up in the morning and feel good, like I can deal with all the absolute nonsense happening here, by myself. But tonight, I miss my partner. I miss Zack.
And this is my blog. So if you don't like it don't read it.
However, know that every day I'm thinking about the families not as lucky as ours. I hate that there are wives, girlfriends and families, who don't get to communicate with their loved ones. I am thinking about you. I am sorry. You are a stronger person than I am.

Tonight, I hate this. I hate all of this.
Except for him.

 I love you, so much.

All You Can Eat

I can not get enough of my husband lately. To the point that I may be driving him crazy. When he's awake everything's fine and when he's not at work everything is fine. I like him at a normal level. Like a normal person. But when he's sleeping or at work, I can't seem to tell him I love him enough. At least 20 times a day I have to go and bother kiss him while he's sleeping. I just know that my days are numbered with him before Bahrain. So if I think about kissing him or squeezing him even for a second. I do it. I just do. It doesn't matter what I'm doing.
I'm going to miss him so much.
What will I do without my all I can eat hugs??

Ugh. Anyways.

I've lost my keys. We rarely drive my car since it had 6 miles on it when I got it and I met Zack a month after that, and suddenly it has almost 20,000 miles on it less than 2 years later. Since I haven't been in my car since last Wednesday when Linny and I got sushi, your guess is as good as mine as to where they are. (Seriously, where do you think they are??) Since then, I have locked myself out of the house TWICE. Both times with Sam and Chelsea. Even after locking myself out twice, I didn't realize until yesterday that I have no earthly idea where they may be. This presents several problems.
The first being that there is no food in my house. Zack has a spare key to my car, so if I would just remember to get it from him before he leaves for work I could go buy groceries. But I don't remember. And I'm a terrible grocery shopper.

Not impossible.

So I'm cutting this post short, because ladies and gentleman, I am on a mission. I will find these keys. I'm going to go buy groceries and belly casting supplies. My cousin has graciously agreed to allow me to experiment with belly casting on her prego belly so that when I am a certified Doula, I can add belly casting to my services. I'm super excited to try it, and fairly confident that I will be amazing at it. I'll post pictures when it's done.

Okey Doke! Wish me luck!!

Security

Alright. I had about 3000 super sad negative things to write about today. But I've stifled them. Instead I've decided to blog about how everyone keeps telling me I should worry about my impending house invasion and consequent attack while Zack is in Bahrain.
Here's the thing, I've lived by myself before. I have a big dog. A big 90 pound german shepherd mix, with big teeth. Hank. Scary right?
Wrong.
Does this look like a scary animal to you?

Holly and Hank Sleeping

Hank and Zack kissing

Doug and Hank Sleeping

He's the sweetest baby in the world 99.8% of the time. Unless you're a bunny, you're traveling down the street on a motorized wheel chair, you have a jimmy johns sandwich in your hand, you're hitting me, or you move to quickly and are not... um... caucasian... (he's a racist. I apologize. We've talked about it. He's working on it.) you're Hank's bestie. He loves everyone. He has a little bit of a nervous licking habit and will lick your hands off, or your face if you're close enough. And my little cousin Zach will testify that if you are sitting in the front seat of my car, he will ignore that you exist.

Exhibit A

He's a marshmellow.

Aside from one instance where Linny approached my door in the middle of the night and he acted like he might take her out, I have no reason to believe he would scare anyone away. He likes the mailman. When the mailman reaches our house, Hank relaxes and plays with him until he hands him a treat. 

So, the problem is, everyone thinks I'm going to be raped. Many of the people close to me are concerned that I am going to be unsafe by myself for a year. It is concerning, sure. But what am I going to do??

I have an alarm system on my home, it has however had issues connecting to the company that installed it. Meaning, unless there is a fire, the police are not always called. It's just a very loud annoying noise for a rapist to have to put up with until I put the code in or a neighbor calls the police, about 10% of the time. I have to hope that my intruder is also an arsonist if I want the alarm to really be 100% effective. But they don't know that. So, I've played in my head what I would say to them "Excuse me sir, that alarm system you hear,  yeah it just called the police. They should be here soon. I'm not playing. Go. Quit petting the dog. Scram bucko!".

Ineffective? Perhaps. I think I'll have that checked. 

Zack wants me to get a gun. Which I am absolutely not going to do. I don't want a gun in my home. It's too easy to have an accident. I'm pretty sure I'd just be providing the assailant a weapon. I have on occasion tried to give my husband a dose of his own fracking medicine and shoot him with his stupid nerf gun, he immediately apprehends said gun and I am pelted with dozens of tiny nerf bullets. It's annoying. I fear that with a real gun, the outcome with an intruder could be far more fatal. 

I don't want a gun.

I have, as recently as a couple of weeks ago, fostered dogs in the past. Usually tiny dogs, but I could get a bigger scarier one... I mean, one with a scary bark and a big head. But Hank likes being an only child and I think he was happy to see the last foster leave. I'm pretty sure he's waiting for Lucy the adorable demon kitty to find a new home. Sorry Bud, she's staying. Unless she jumps on this keyboard one more time while I'm blogging....

So, what to do?? I'm interested in what other military wives do during deployment. I know lots of people move in with their parents, which is super not happening. We all get along better when I live somewhere else. Plus Hank sheds and my parent's cat tried to eat Lucy. 

I could get a roomie I guess. The last time it was pretty fun.

hm.

I can't wait for this stupid year to be over.

Ready Or Not

What a year it's been. I decided to do one of those "My year in random facebook photo's from this year" apps on facebook. Just a little rearranging and here's a little bit of the big moments from 2010. 

The first grainy picture where I look like I haven't seen the sun in months, was at the superbowl party where Zack met most of my Dad's side of the family for the first time. It's also the night he told most of them he was going to propose to me one day. 

The second picture is from when we got married but I put it there to symbolize how he proposed a month later on Feb 21st. It was one of the most exciting days of my life so far. 

The third picture is of my baby, Hank, with a sign that says I miss you. That makes me smile because our house/dog sitter sent it to me when we went on vacation in March-April to Indiana for 3 weeks so I could meet Zack's family before we got married. I love them so much and I'm so glad we went.

The fourth picture is Zack, Me and Kenzie, our niece. This was from the first night we were there, we all went to a mexican restaurant to eat. I was nervous for about 2 minutes. I was always supposed to be in their family. They made me feel welcome, like one of them, from the moment I got there. I love them so much =)

The fifth picture is Zack and I getting ready to go to a wedding in Indiana for one of his cousins, we had so much fun. The whole trip was really amazing. I am so lucky to be a part of their family. 

The sixth terrible quality snapshot is me with T at my bachelorette party, at the end of April. I was ... hammered... as they say. ha. To the point where there are pictures of me standing against a wall by myself repeatedly blowing my penis whistle and singing to myself. I looked hot that night but those pictures just look like I was massacred drunk. And I was.  

The seventh and eighth pictures are from the best day of this year, the day I became a Williams, the day I married my heart, my hero, my best friend.. aww sigh. May 7th. It was such a good day. The ninth picture is from the bar we went to afterwards to knock a few back. I never said we were classy =)

The tenth and eleventh pictures are from a vacation to lake Okoboji we took with my family in September. I love being with Zack and my family, or his family, because it feels like we were all supposed to be together. I belong with Zack's fam, and he belongs with mine. It's really the strangest most delightful feeling, and one I'd never experienced before Zack. 

The next (12th) picture is of Zack in our driveway before starting our 5th long road trip together in less than 8 months. We were on our way to Chicago, in September, to see my friend Pat, and to see our friends Nick and Heather get married (and Zack was in their wedding). We love Pat, Nick, and Heather, so the ride was tolerable. We also got to surprise Zack's mom and step-dad and sweet sister (they all cried =) ) in Indiana for a day or two, and see our new baby nephew Max. He and Kenzie are the cutest kids alive. 

The thirteenth picture is of our new baby Lucy who is such a pain in the ass  joy. We love her so very much and even though she makes me want to throw her outside to fend for herself pull my hair out, on occasion, I can not imagine our lives without her. She's usually very sweet, and too cute for words.

The fourteenth picture is from a day I'd been waiting for since I met Zack, and definitely since I married him. His 21st birthday. It was a success, in that he was puking in the parking lot and the bouncer didn't want to let him back in the bar by the end of the night. We all had fun.

The next picture is both our babies, my little loves, snuggling together on the couch. Until we make a beeb I will continue to love them at an unhealthy level. Also, Lucy has a Christmas sweater on in that picture. Don't judge me.

And the last picture is my current fav of us, at Christmas. I sure do love that Sailor.

2010 was a good year for me. The best yet, I could say. So I'm sad to see it go. 

Goodbye 2010, my friend, thanks for everything. I'll never forget you =)

And a toast for those of you getting crazy tonight--

If the ocean were vodka and I was a duck, I'd swim to the bottom and never come up. But the ocean's not vodka and I'm not a duck, so pass me the bottle and shut the hell up=)

Happy New Year err'body!

My Appreciation

Hello kiddies! How are all of  you? I hope you all had a fantastic Christmas. Mine was magical, I soaked up every moment with my family and my hubs.

Christmas Eve - It's disgusting how much I love him.

It was amazing and we were spoiled. I appreciated it this year more than ever before, for several reasons. Sure it was in the forefront of my mind that next year will be hard while Zack is in Bahrain, even if I do get to go there. I appreciated spending time with my family. 

But this year I also remembered to appreciate being in a warm house, with an obscene amount of food, and more than enough presents to go around. 

The day before Christmas Eve Zack and I went with several other members of my family to volunteer for the Christmas party at a Christian daycare for the children of the working poor. It was so humbling and I want to take a moment to briefly share a little of my experience.

I have to stop quick and give a shout out here to my Aunt Mary who made a lot of things happen for these kids this year and several previous years and also asked Zack and I to come this year. And another big shout out to my Uncle Rod, who is the nicest, coolest, sweetest man alive and has played Santa to the 100+ screaming kids for the past several years like a champ. As well as Stacy who braved a fear of the "just bombed for bugs" building and sweated her way through the day, and who raised Cody and Zach (who also came) who are just about the coolest kids I've ever met and who are always, always willing to help someone out. And of course, to my Zack, who I saw in a different light helping little kids, even if he did gag at the smell of a freshly soiled diaper on the baby floor. 

I have unbelievably generous and kind family members. Back to what I was saying...

I have never "went without" as they say. I was blessed with amazing parents who loved me and were blessed with jobs that allowed them to provide more than enough for my brother and I. They worked hard, and often, and they were still the best parents anyone could have asked for. (Don't tell them I said that). 

I wont go in to how many cars they've bought my brother and I, how many trips they've paid for, what bills they still pay... They're amazing. I've always known this and appreciated them.

Then I went to Precious Memories...

I knew before I got there that there were a lot of kids and that most of them only got the presents they would be getting at this party. When we walked in to the basement to meet Angy (who is a Saint, this place is ran by Saints) we were surrounded by over 100 full trash bags of donated gifts. I was overwhelmed. We helped sort them and asked her which bag went to which kid, and which kid went to which pile, indicating the floor they were on in the building, the fact that she not only remembered each kids name but their age and which floor they were on was beyond my comprehension. 

After all of the sorting was finished while my uncle got all Santa'd up, we went to talk to the kiddies. The afore mentioned Saints talked to the kids about what was going to happen and they sang songs and talked about the Christmas story and how there was no room at the inn. It was very sweet to see all of the kids so anxious.

Then came Santa, and the glee from the kids made me so happy, and so sad. One at a time they each got a chance to sit on Santa's lap and get a picture and their stocking filled with candy, then they got their (usually bigger than them) bag of presents. 

Needless to say they were very grateful.

It was a lot more emotional for me than I had intended. 

It's emotional for me now, because I'm a huge baby. 

One of the kids was having a conversation with one of the ladies that works there. He asked "Will there be popcorn of chips at the party?" She told him there would be popcorn AND chips, and pudding cups, and sandwiches, and juice, and all sorts of other food to eat for lunch afterwards. The little boy literally squealed. 

There were kids who's parents came and wouldn't let them open their gifts so that they had something to open Christmas morning. There were kids who screamed and got excited for underwear and socks. There were kids who drug their trashbags through the line to get lunch with them after opening because they didn't want the gifts out of their site. They were so proud of their stuff. They were so dang cute. There were babies there who were days old all the way to school age kids, and none forgotten. It rocked.

I can't wait to go back.

The moral of my story is, I appreciate that I will probably never have to wonder where my next meal will come from. I appreciate that I never did have to wonder. I have a whole new appreciation for new socks and underwear, and all of the other presents I would have hated as a kid. My family is blessed. And no matter what happens, or what job I start working and what my hours are, I will always make time to give back. Because I'm spoiled. And Blessed. 

Going there was definitely worth the cold I got almost immediately after leaving.

Sigh, so, who's coming with me? 

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like...

Hypothermia. Everywhere we go.
It's not fun.
I was supposed to be Jamaican, I'm absolutely sure of it. I looooove the Christmas season, my happiest Christmas memories are the ones on those freak warm days where for some reason it's sweatshirt weather. Love.
Yesterday I was designing Christmas cards and finished before I realized the design I picked was a decorated tree on a beach. It said "Sending you warm wishes this season". *sob* I wish. I had to change to a snowy one that made me want to write "Hoping we all make it through this winter and move the hell outta Iowa by next snow season.".
I love Iowa, I love everything about living here EXCEPT the damn cold.
I just want to be warm. Which is why Zack and I are jet-setting off to sunny... well I don't know where yet.
I'm still feeling a lot of guilt about postponing our already belated wedding reception in favor of alone time with my love on a beach somewhere before he leaves for Bahrain. A lot of people, my husband included, told me they didn't care what we did, but I got the impression they all are really counting on a reception when he get's back. And recept we will. When he gets back.
Then I have time to plan, I can have the expensive photo-booth I want, and an open-bar with all of the bells and whistles. That's what I want. Plus, I can get skinny.
But most importantly I want to be on a beach squeezing my Zack for at least a week before they ship him off. I am aware people will think that's selfish, but it's really the best I can do. I need it. We need a honeymoon. I want to be able to hold on to those memories for the 12 months following, and where better than... well I still don't know. Somewhere amazing. I'm researching today.
I don't want to go to Mexico. I loooooved Jamaica but I wonder if it will be the same, as much fun, without my family there. Zack and I have discussed a lot of different romantic beachy places, but we need somewhere fun too. If you have any suggestions I'd love to hear them.
Also, we're discussing moving to base, again. Zack thinks it will be easier. I think a fresh start would be nice but we will have to buy things... like a washer and dryer, ha. And we would be farther from my parents. Which doesn't seem like a big deal while he's still stateside, but when I'm by myself, I'll wish I was closer. Plus, I've heard horror stories about gossipy military wives. No bueno.
Well, we'll see I guess.
I have to be domestic today. Blech. Well, here I go kiddies, wish me luck!

My Mini-Human

I can NOT wait to have a baby. I'm trying. I am. But I am just so excited.
I am going to be what is commonly referred to as an attached parent. I will have whole, uncircumcised, kiddos who I will selectively vaccinate, wear full-time, breast feed until they don't want to anymore, they will be cloth diapered, and they will be brought into this world as peacefully, and as drug-free, as God will allow. These are decisions Zack and I have already made for our babies. We already know their names and we sometimes refer to them as if they are here. We are very excited.
They will be our babies. OURS. I don't care what you do with your baby. We have researched and researched every single decision that we have already made, and we know these decisions are right for our babies. I absolutely believe that they're right for all babies, but certainly know it's not my place to go to your facebook and throw advice you didn't ask for at you. I know enough common courtesy to know not to tell you you're wrong... to your face, anyway.
There is no (none) medical proof that says baby boy Williams should be circumcised. In fact, to the contrary. Like Craig Ferguson recently said "so, the options are wash it or cut it off?". Seems silly.
My baby will be born with ears, they will be an inconvenience to me at first, and to him later. They will get dirty, they could get infected, they will have to be washed every single time I bathe him... pain. in. the. ass. So, we're having them removed.
Call CPS I'm out of my mind!!
But if I said the same thing about a useful, nerve filled part of my future son a lot of the people in the United States would be perfectly fine. ugh.
Also, I'm a mammal, and I want to give my baby the very best start at life, so of course I will breastfeed. The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding 'til 2. I will. That's it. I will. It is what my body was made to do. If I am in the extremely small percent of women with a legitimate reason that they can not, I will feed my babes someone elses breast milk. That's it. They're mammals and they're human. They deserve, their birth right is, to get human breast milk.
I'm getting off track, and I didn't want this post to be about how I hate standard procedure and how hospitals treat birth like an illness. So, it's not going to be.
What I DESPISE, is women who believe differently defending their decisions to Mom's who choose to raise their babies naturally and have all the medical and psychological proof in the world to back it up.
My best friend is without question, the best Mom, that I have ever seen. She's researched thoroughly every decision she has made for her baby and future baby and she does everything she can to make sure her kiddo's have the very best start at life. Unfailingly, however, every single time I stalk her facebook page her evil evil monster-in-law or some hillbilly she's friends with (sorry) is telling her how dumb it is that she still wants to breastfeed or not circumcise or cloth-diaper. It is astounding. The overwhelming majority of these people are lazy people who just go with the flow and do whatever their doctor says to do, that are defending their bad decisions because they feel guilt or some other similar emotion about making them. If you make a decision for your baby and you have medical proof or really, ANY TYPE of legitimate argument, I can respect that. But inconvenience or tradition is not a legitimate argument. Recently someone wrote on her page "I circumcised both my kids, I believe it's a personal choice on this one." what??? Sure, so is everything else! See:ear removal. dumb.
Or calling people selfish who choose not to get the MMR vaccine for their kids, because there is a considerable risk of HARM to the child. Or saying that standard procedure std vaccinations for NEWBORNS are there because "so many mom's lie" about their STD status. WTF?!
Silly.
My point here is, SHUT UP. That's great that you formula feed and gave your baby cereal at 2 weeks. Good for you. Your baby will probably be fine. Probably. If probably works for you, GREAT.
I have to hold my tongue every single time I go to her facebook.
Recently her own father-in-law told her that a decision she made for her baby (a legitimate decision) just didn't have a "good enough fucking reason".
I swear I will cut someone.
This is why, as a lactivist, intactivist, future cloth diapering, baby wearing, selective vaccing, breastfeeding, Mom I will not explain myself. The decisions I make will be discussed with my husband only. Because I could not be nice to the people my dear dear bestie is nice to. I will end up in jail.
That is all.

Im back!

Soo I haven't blogged since our anniversary?? Let's assume I was preoccupied with loving my husband or something. Whatev.

My brother got a new baby kitty. His name is Flash and he is unbelievably cute. He is however, out of his mind. Right now I'm watching him run in circles at lightening speeds for his tail. This house is filled with dog toys and he is completely uninterested. He would much rather play with the dog's tail, or face, or his own tail, or my feet, or the cords attached to anything in the house, or get in my purse, or beat up a balled up unused coffee filter. He's a maniac.

I think we should all live like Flash. He's so happy with what he has. Or maybe he just hasn't got the hours at work lately that could afford the toys he wants. Who knows.

Regardless, today play with your roommate, make use of your surroundings. Play with yourself. I don't care. Play until you become exhausted and then sleep like a baby. That's how I feel about it.

I have to sort 78 loads of laundry, so that should be fun. What I need to do is go home and quit watching this kitty.

I hope everyone had a fantastic weekend.

Sleeping Beauty

Today Zack and I have been together in wedded bliss for 3 months! Isn't that crazy? And In just 3 more months I will have known him a year haha. Don't judge us.

I am so bored. Today is privacy invasion/ home inspection day and Zack got home from breakfast with his friends at about 8:30 and then helped clean/ psychoticly cleaned everything he could find and he finally just went to sleep. So now I'm watching The Emperors New School and The Replacements while I wait for sleeping beauty to wake up. A reasonable substitute for my husband waking up to play with me would be my snapfish pictures getting here. Tracking says they'll be delivered today!

I won't lie, I'm still super bummed about not getting orders. It suuuper sucks. But it is what it is and everything will work out. Today somebody said on facebook "everything good comes at a walk, everything bad comes like a locomotive." Seeing as all of this seems to be moving at a snail's pace (I'm 100 and just said, at a snail's pace... what I meant was slower than molasses on a cold day...) I hope that saying is true and this means good things.

Sarah Palin is the dumbest human being on the planet. If I saw her I would punch her right in the pie-hole. Her and Elisabeth Hasselbeck. What a Jack-ass that woman is... but I digress. Sorry, the Chris Matthews show came on.

Anyway, I am very excited for our upcoming vacations and getting to go see our new nephew baby Max. Today I went to a dog boarding place to check it out for Mr. Hank and I <3d it. He will love it almost as much as if he could come with.

What a weird day.

By the way! Please pray for Zack's Grandma Dee who is back in the hospital with high potassium counts and kidney issues. We love her so much and want her to get better!

That's all, for now.

Bummer.

I am far too bummed to blog right now. No orders. We were rejected.

I don't know where we go from here or what the plan is now. I'll update everyone when I know. For right now though I'm realizing and remembering that I am very lucky to have my husband and the life that I have and waiting a minute to find out the next step will be ok. It blows. But, it will be ok. Things could be worse. We are lucky and spoiled and blessed.

Life is good.



UPDATE:
Here's what my amazing Husband has to say on the matter, with a little more explanation.
I'm quoting facebook postings--

--Zackery Williams: I found out on nko... Sicily was n for no and Japan and Guam were t for try again. No Bahrain. Fuck it... I don't care anymore. All I care about is my loving wifey and my beautiful doggy Hank. It is what it is.

And on my wall he wrote
--Zackery Williams: Molly it practically ruined my day. But knowing that you will still be home makes me not care about where we go. Basset Hound.


Tell me he isn't the best husband??

I'm a lucky girl.

Ninja Baby

"If you have a baby in Japan you should just leave it there. A baby on a 25 hour plane ride would suck. Plus, if you leave it in Japan it has a much better chance of becoming a ninja."-Daniel Lich

I'm gonna be a flippin awesome Mom. I was born to do it. I would say I can't wait, but I can. Am I anxiously awaiting November 24th 2011, when I am promised as much unprotected sex as it takes to get our little baby beautiful eyes? I absolutely am. But in the mean time I will be enjoying several more months of protected sex, partying and sleeping in with my amazing husband. It's no secret that, while Zack and I know we are meant to be with each other, we haven't known one another existed for a super long time and I'm enjoying our time together just us.

I have little to no concerns about most of the process. If all goes to plan our little ninja baby will be born in Guam, Sicily, or Japan and travel home with us to the U.S. when he or she is 9 to 16 months old. The plane ride will undoubtedly suck, but its just one day of our lives, so we will deal.

We already have possible names. We already have a birth plan, for goodness sakes. I'm a planner.

No amount of planning will eliminate the guilt I feel about getting prego and having a baby overseas however. It's obscene. I am going to want my mommy. I am going to want my Dad to meet Baby Williams immediately. I will probably be able to talk them in to an overseas adventure to meet their first Grandbaby. Especially since Zack and I expect baby beautiful eyes to be nothing short of the most amazing baby in history. But my grandparents, the rest of my family, and my friends will probably have to wait to meet our love child.

Which blows.

Also, what about Zack's family? I hope they come see us overseas as well. I miss them. My in-laws are awesome.

I'm going to have to teach everyone to use skype. A lot. And the facebooker that I am its not like any of my nearly 600 friends will miss much.

I can't just put my life on hold and wait until I'm almost 28. Not happening.

Still, this is the only part of having a baby I am not confident about.

Sigh.

Well, guess what else is on my mind tonight girls and boys... moving. Tomorrow morning will be the last morning that I won't know... how crazy is that??

I can't wait to have my brain back.

Awkward

I have 4 followers! This is very exciting.

I am having a weird day, so this could be a weird post.

I am super anxious about moving. I heard that song American Honey in the car this morning. That lyric about "so ready to go, but wasn't quite ready to leave". I am feeling THAT way. It is uncomfortable.

Where will I eat when I don't want to cook? Where will I eat when I try to cook and it is a miserable failure? I can't just hop in the car and go to my parents house.

Where will Zack and I spend our free evenings when we are broke? We love to hang with my family. Even when we're not broke.

Who will I watch the bachelorette with? Who will tell me what books to read? Who will sew me things and go garage sale-ing? I will miss my Grandma SO MUCH.

Who will bother me at unreasonable hours, sleep on my couch, and vomit in my sink? There's no little brother overseas.

I will miss my mom, who makes me nuts, so much. Every. Day. And my Dad who I love more than anything.

What about unreasonably early breakfasts with everyone?

What about texting my aunts or cousins whenever I want for advice? It can't happen overseas.

What about texting Deena whenever I want?

How in the world am I going to function??

On the other hand, I can't wait to be gone. It will be such an awesome experience. I love my husband and I know how lucky I am to get to go with him, and spend this time with him. Our relationship is going to be even more spectacular after this.

I know I'll get to come home occasionally. It will take about as many hours to get home as it takes me minutes to get to my parents now. But whatever.

It's not forever. It's 3 years. It will be ok.. right? I just want everything to be ok.

I. Am. Concerned.

sigh.

Anyway, today I am washing Zack's uniform. I love seeing US NAVY on it. I know that makes me kind of a douche. But whatever, I'm proud =)

The entire time it was in the washing machine I was a nervous wreck that I would somehow ruin it. Don't worry though, folks. Everything turned out fine.

I knew this would be a weird post, ha I apologize. I can't seem to get my thoughts straight today. That's ok. I'll try again later.

THanks for suffering through that with me, everybody.