Monday, June 6, 2011

So. Negative.

Sometimes I miss Zack so much it is physically debilitating. It actually hurts.
I'm happy for the wives who aren't really bothered by being alone, I really don't judge them. I'm actually jealous.
This week I am mostly sad. Some days I think it's getting much easier, but today, I think it's much harder and the wound of my husband having to spend a year elsewhere is still pretty fresh.
This week I finally kicked that stupid Thunderbolt cell phone (that's right, turns out I hate it) and Verizon, to the curb.
I got a new iphone4 with AT&T and now I can TEXT Zack. It's the best thing that's happened for our relationship since he left. I feel closer to him. Which is probably why this last few days have been so difficult, because I feel closer to him but he is still so, so, far away. I literally can't explain to you what I would do to see him right now, and be able to touch him. I promise you it's way more exciting, and explicit, than what I would do for a Klondike bar.
Yep. I'm going crazy.

And now my house might be in this stupid flood. It's infuriating. It's stupid and I hate it.

Also, I miss my Grandma. A lot. She's in Florida right now, and I really want her to come home. To her house.

Before I get the hate mail, I know how lucky I am that my husband isn't in Afghanistan or somewhere where I have to worry about how dangerous it is. I know I am super blessed to be able to talk to him and text him, sometimes even skype him. I guess I'm just a whiner, ok? I miss him so much. There's nothing I can do. So I'm complaining. Because it's late at night, and I miss my husband.
I don't want to spend my 27th night in bed with Hank and Lucy, and no Zack.
Tonight, It's weighing heavy on my heart that I have at least 342 more nights alone. Sometimes that happens. More than likely I will wake up in the morning and feel good, like I can deal with all the absolute nonsense happening here, by myself. But tonight, I miss my partner. I miss Zack.
And this is my blog. So if you don't like it don't read it.
However, know that every day I'm thinking about the families not as lucky as ours. I hate that there are wives, girlfriends and families, who don't get to communicate with their loved ones. I am thinking about you. I am sorry. You are a stronger person than I am.

Tonight, I hate this. I hate all of this.
Except for him.

 I love you, so much.

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