Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Zack Made Me Cry

I know I promised a post about the psychic tonight, and it's started. But it's hard to complete when all I can think about is Zack leaving.
Today starts his last 3 day cycle of him doing his regular job before he switches to a desk job until his leave. Basically he will work these 3 days, be off until next Monday, when he will start working a day job in the office until April 16th. Then he is on leave to spend time with me and the people he loves, and get things ready to go. Then, just after our first anniversary, I will put my sweet husband on a plane for Bahrain. If I can function.
What am I going to do? I feel awful about it. Every day.
The plan was to use our tax return to make sure he had some travel money and to make sure we were both well equipped with a reliable way to skype with each other. Well, the plan is in jeopardy, because our tax return was not anything like what we expected. We had never filed as a married couple before. We expected more.
We are accepting donations.

Zack loves to read my blog. Which makes me so happy.
The other day he came out of the bedroom after reading it, and was sad. Zack is rarely sad. It's actually sort of frustrating. I don't want him to be sad, but this is a sad situation and he rarely talks about it. I asked him what was wrong and he told me that my blog made him sad.
Great. I knew I should have waited for something more exciting to blog about.
After several minutes of begging him to tell me what made him sad he finally told me it was because he read the post where I wrote about feeling guilty for not going to the dentist with him, because he said "because we do everything together. We're lovers. We're buddies. We're best friends." .
So we both started trying really hard not to cry. We told each other it would be ok, that I could handle things here and he could handle things there, and we would be better for it. We talked about how we will get to talk all the time, and about how absence makes the heart grow fonder... yatta yatta yatta.
I still cried.
So did he, don't tell him I told you.

It's not fair.

I know he's not going to Afghan. I know he's not going to Iraq. But, I'll miss him just as well. I miss him now, and he will be home in a few hours.
I love him so much.
We're buddies. We do everything together. For a year, a whole year, I will be without my best friend, my hero, my other half, the love of my life.
What am I going to do?

I don't want this to happen.

I would find someone I love this much, someone who loves me this much, and have him get stationed without me.

It will be alright. Right?

It will.

I'm lucky I found a love like ours. I'm lucky I have him to miss.

It still sucks.

Psychic post tomorrow? Sorry this post was such a bummer.


Becca Switzer said...

An entire year is insane. I would rot.

Love, Molly said...

Yeah. Yep. I probably will. When I re-read this post, it would appear my brain already is.

Lora said...

I had to try hard not to cry when reading it, it's almost time for you to make a blog "I made Lora cry" lol. I'm glad you are trying so hard to be positive about it and think of the love you two have, you will make it through and only come out stronger!