So, I'm totally over the whole deck of cards thing...
Welp. Another long week down.
It doesn't seem possible at all that it's been 6 weeks!
I definitely didn't know it would be this hard to adjust. It is. But, it is getting easier. I was just telling Zack that today. It's getting easier to be by myself so much. I miss him, but I can sleep a little more now. I don't cry myself to sleep every night.
There are still some nights when I do. But our sweet Hank is there to squeeze. Lucy is there to... attack me.
Things aren't perfect, but they're getting better. It's getting to be ok.
And I feel terrible about that. I know that's stupid, and I know Zack doesn't want me to be sad all the time. Honestly, I don't want it either. It's a subconcious thing. If it's getting easier that must mean that I'm learning to live without him, and that's where I'm not comfortable. I feel guilty. I don't want to learn to live without him, I don't want to stop missing him. I wont him to come home. I know it's stupid and I have to live my own life. I can't help it. I really wish I didn't feel that way.
But, it is getting easier.
I just wish he could come home. I miss him so much.
As it turns out not working for as long as I did, first because I didn't want to, and second so that I could spend time with Zack, is not helping me re-enter the workforce. I'm not particularly concerned about money, but it would be nice to have some sort of schedule. Good for my mental health, ya feel me?
I am losing weight like it's my job though, and that is a lot of fun. Even when I'm feeling absolutely terrible, it still makes me feel good to look at how my clothes are fitting. This week I found a pair of capri's I meant to return 2 months ago, because when I bought them I didn't try them on and when I got them home I couldn't even button them. This time they fit comfortably, even a little loose. After wearing them a couple of hours I definitely needed a belt.
I was so excited I almost peed.
Losing weight for me is definitely sort of a psychological experiment. When I eat right, and excercise, I feel good but there is a certain level of anxiety and compulsion that I feel the entire day. If I have a day where I cheat, even a little- were talking one cookie that I count the points for and still stay on my WW plan-, I am far more relaxed. I don't know what that's about.
I mean I do, I think it's pretty obvious. When I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing I obsess about it and it's all I can think about, therefore driving me slightly out of my mind. When I cheat, even if it's not really cheating, all the pressure of doing everything right is gone. I guess I just need to give myself a break.
I'm a douche.
Whatever it takes. It's working.
This whole flood thing is getting totally out of hand. I'm ready for it to be OVER. I don't want it to happen, but for goodness sake either do it or don't! Everyone is on edge. It's exhausting. The rumors are obscene. I certainly hope 98% of them are false.
I will say I can't help but find it rude and insensitive the way the local media is handling the whole situation. "Another small town in Iowa has been devastated by a breach in the levee. Now to Derek for more College World Series news." Are you joking?
I get it. This area needs the CWS, it makes everybody a lot of money. But if the city officials can say confidently "We are not going to allow the flooding to get to TD Ameritrade Park" why can't the city officials say "We are not going to allow the flooding to devastate everyone in the flood zones". Excuse me while my conspiracy theorist comes out, but I think something shady is happening here. There are military trucks, filled with uniformed National Guard, everywhere!
What is going on?!
The people in my area, and people MILES from the river, are being informed that we are in a level 1 alert. Level 1 Alert, as indicated by the paper work they gave me, is the threat of an unusual or slowly developing event that may impact a levee system or a flood protection system. So, basically level 1 is them telling us "something is going to happen". So, why in the world has it not been mentioned ONCE on the news?! I can only imagine that it is thousands of people who have been informed, by CITY OFFICIALS, going door to door and no one has said word one about level one.
Unacceptable.
Also, on the paperwork given to me there is a number that you can call to be signed up for a phone call if and when there is an emergency type issue. I can only imagine this is available because they won't mention it on the news. I called the number Sunday, when I was notified, to sign up... angrily. Get this, though... they're not OPEN ON SUNDAYS! No one is available to answer the phone on Sundays. Let's all cross our fingers the levee's work extra hard on Sundays.
I just called them again (written Monday) , to get signed up and the lady said "If you have internet, you could just sign up online.". Well color me foolish, I suppose I could have read that in the paperwork... only that IS NOT IN ANY OF THE PAPERWORK?! I hate to complain, I know they have tough jobs, but I feel like this situation is not being handled well by our city officials. The lady was like " I know it's not on any of the information being given out. I don't know why it's not on any of those papers.". Me either, lady. Me either.
I am annoyed.
I am packing.
I am missing my husband.
Best I can do, I suppose.
Other than my obvious distaste for this situation, I am doing better. I do miss my husband like crazy. I love him so much, and I think this situation would be much easier if he was here. But, I am learning to be strong. I am learning to kick this deployments ass one day at a time. One week at a time. One month at a time. Next thing you know all of this will be a bad memory and Zack and I will live happily ever after on top of a hill hundreds of miles from any water source :]
Thank you for going through this journey with me you guys. You're all so fantastic!
Personal writings from me to you, as I stumble through my life as a semi-crunchy, semi-domesticated, play at home Mom of the most perfect twins.
Showing posts with label rants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rants. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Yep. I'm That Girl. Poor Hank.
Today I cried in the dog groomer and couldn't leave Hank there to be groomed.
Don't judge me. Let me explain.
Hank desperately needs to be groomed. He sheds year round enough to drive any pet owner completely out of their mind. And twice a year he "blows coat" which isn't what you think... gross... he basically molts. HUGE handfuls of hair just fall off of his body. It's disgusting. I however, love him so much I barely notice until someone else says something or I'm wearing something nice, and black.
I'm talking pay a large ransom love.
Hank has been through a lot with me. He was a gift from my ex, and one of the only good things that came from that relationship. He was with me when I was embarassed because everyone was talking, before and after the break up. He was with me at my parents house between houses, when I cried myself to sleep, because I wasted so much time. He sat with me in the bathroom all the nights Haley lived with me, when I was too drunk to make it to my bedroom. He met and vetted lots of guys before Zack. He has been there through all the big moments of my life the last 5 years, the most important of which was meeting and falling in love with my sweet Zackery. He was my first clue Zack was the one for us.
Hank was at the bottom of the pile during the chapstick story.
He picked up Hank poop in the front yard, he loved Hank and played with him, and most of all he rarely- if ever- complained about the ridiculous amounts of Hank hair. But also, it turned out, Zack and Hank were already related.
When I got Hank, he was a sweet little 10 pound ball of white fur. The cutest little puppy I've ever seen. I am struggling to find a puppy picture, but I'll put one up eventually. He was silent and slept for the first 48 hours after we brought him home from the pound. I named him Hank because I love country music and I like people names for dogs. So we named him Hank after Hank Williams.
Zackery's last name is also Williams.
Which makes it fun to call and make appointments for Hank Williams. People always laugh and think I'm one of those people who names their dog a name like that since Williams is my last name. I'm not. He had my last name for 4 years, first. But it's still pretty funny.
Anyway.
Hank is my favorite. I love him so much. I would never ever put him in a situation we were not both 100% confident about. He loves Barb's Best Friends doggy daycare, and he's very social. He hates the vet, but it's a necessity, and I would never ever leave him there without me. I want him to feel confident that I will keep him safe, because he has helped me get through some pretty terrible parts of my life, and I owe that to him. Hank is more than my dog, he is my friend, and he is my baby. I am that girl.
Hank loves the water, so in the past when he has just been bathed at the groomer I am confident that he isn't scared, and I feel like I can leave him there. He loves people, and anytime people are paying attention to him he's happy as could be.
This time was different, because our house is in the flood zone, and we are more than likely going to have to move in with my parents for at least a little while. Since my parents think that sheddy dogs live outside, and Hank and I have a very different opinion on the subject, I decided that I would get him shaved into the lion cut this year so that he can habitate the indoors right by my side where he belongs. Plus he has terrible allergies and someone suggested that the cut might help him to attract less allergens... I'm not sure about that but I'm willing to give it a try. Also, It's hot as the sun where we live in the summer, and he gets miserable unless he is in the lake. So even though he has a beautiful, double coat, I decided it was our only option. Even though I was feeling a lot of guilt about it.
So here we are today. I made an appointment a couple of days ago at the one place that wasn't going to charge us $80.00 or more. Today at 11 was his appointment, and we got there about 10:55. As we drove up I was immediately concerned. The building was a house. In a completely residential area, and it was not a very nice house, I could tell from the outside. There were kennels outside because the place is a doggy daycare also, which is concerning since to be groomed there they do not require the Kennel Cough Vaccine. There was a sign outside that said "Puppies For Sale In July" and nothing makes me angrier than people breeding puppies for cash when the shelters are FULL.
Don't get me started.
Hank and I parked and walked towards the house. He was stoked. He loves to visit people, he's always excited. As soon as I opened the door to their screened in porch, the stench of cigarette smoke hit me. Super professional. What did I expect?
Despite my better judgement we kept walking in and as soon as Hank smelled the entry rug (which probably smelled like nervous animals) he immediately got nervous and his ears went down and he hunched as close to the ground as possible. He trusts me though, and he kept walking in with me. Hank and I have went to parties at much grosser places.
The receptionist greeted us and made a Hank Williams joke, as she would. I gave her Hanks shot records and out of nowhere, this LOUD and seemingly vicious dog bark came out of the back of the house. Hank bolted for the door. He is a lover not a fighter. He was scared, and all I could think of was he really needs his haircut... he really needs it, and I'll wait outside in my car the 3 hours it takes, I'll pick him up as soon as he's done. This will be fine. He's ok.
He was not ok.
After a minute we walked to the back of the house to put him in a pin to wait for his turn to be groomed. There were several dogs pinned in the back for "day care" (Barbs Best Friends is doggy daycare, not pins) and the receptionist slid a plastic tray under a big pin RIGHT NEXT to the dog who was WIGGING OUT. Hank was not having it. He kept looking at me like "Are you on drugs? You must be on drugs." He was so scared. I have terrible guilt for not leaving right then. The other dog was banging against the side of her pin trying to get to Hank. I forgot to mention, I also had a very rough, scream at the top of your lungs "I WANT MY HUSBAND BACK", type of night, and I was exhausted and as such very emotional. So, I started to cry. Not sobbing, but like sad movie crying. Silent crying, but there were definitely tears.
Yep. Get the visual. I'm not even embarassed. I was having a moment. Don't judge me.
The receptionist sort of paniced at this point. She could tell we were both pretty distressed (haha). What she did next though, made me go put Hank back in the car.
Hank is a German Shepherd mix. Anyone who works with dogs knows that particular breed frequently have hip joint issues, and Hank definitely does. This bitch got on her knees, leaned forward and grabbed my BABY by his front legs and tried to pull him into the pin. I, terrets style, loudly blurted out "STOP!" and yanked the leash away from her and started walking towards the door. No one manhandles my baby.
I was trying to continue to be nice, because I knew if I lost my temper the police were likely to attend our consultation. My rage, however, was boiling to that point and I felt like it was probably time to rush out of there. She said she would reschedule me an appointment when there would be less dogs in there, and I smiled politely and walked to my car. Where I sat and hugged my Hank and apologized over and over. Poor dude.
I drove him to another groomer, where my mom takes her dog, that was more expensive (still not terrible) but someone I trust and took Hank in to make an appointment. Like I should have done the first time. I'm a loser.
He's going next week, and I will let all of you know how that goes. In the mean time if you live in this area, and need a fun and safe place to take your dog for daycare or boarding stick with Barb's Best friends.
I told the other groomer how horrified I was by the whole experience and they promised me they would be good to him and I could stay the whole time if I wanted. Hank even liked being in the building and was excited to see all of the other dogs casually walking around in there.
So, I am feeling like the worlds worst dog mom. I took Hank to McDonalds to get him chicken nuggets and an ice cream cone. He was still nervous and his usually perky adorable ears were still glued to the side of his head, but I feel like he is going to forgive me.
It was quite the experience. Already both of my parents have given me a hard time about being too protective, even though my Mom never would have left her dog there. The thing is, I'm certain Hank would have had a heart attack if I had left him at that place, and I just couldn't do it. Zack got it. The animal lovers who read this will get it. Anyone who has ever seen me with Hank will at least not be surprised.
Sigh. I did the right thing.
Anyway, on today's agenda we have brush Hank until he wont allow me to anymore, and pack more of our stuff.
I know that was long folks, I was venting. Thanks for reading =]
XOXOXO
Don't judge me. Let me explain.
Hank desperately needs to be groomed. He sheds year round enough to drive any pet owner completely out of their mind. And twice a year he "blows coat" which isn't what you think... gross... he basically molts. HUGE handfuls of hair just fall off of his body. It's disgusting. I however, love him so much I barely notice until someone else says something or I'm wearing something nice, and black.
I'm talking pay a large ransom love.
Who wouldn't love that sweet face??
Hank has been through a lot with me. He was a gift from my ex, and one of the only good things that came from that relationship. He was with me when I was embarassed because everyone was talking, before and after the break up. He was with me at my parents house between houses, when I cried myself to sleep, because I wasted so much time. He sat with me in the bathroom all the nights Haley lived with me, when I was too drunk to make it to my bedroom. He met and vetted lots of guys before Zack. He has been there through all the big moments of my life the last 5 years, the most important of which was meeting and falling in love with my sweet Zackery. He was my first clue Zack was the one for us.
Hank was at the bottom of the pile during the chapstick story.
Zack loves Hank.
When I got Hank, he was a sweet little 10 pound ball of white fur. The cutest little puppy I've ever seen. I am struggling to find a puppy picture, but I'll put one up eventually. He was silent and slept for the first 48 hours after we brought him home from the pound. I named him Hank because I love country music and I like people names for dogs. So we named him Hank after Hank Williams.
Zackery's last name is also Williams.
Hero: Zackery Williams-- See?
Anyway.
Hank is my favorite. I love him so much. I would never ever put him in a situation we were not both 100% confident about. He loves Barb's Best Friends doggy daycare, and he's very social. He hates the vet, but it's a necessity, and I would never ever leave him there without me. I want him to feel confident that I will keep him safe, because he has helped me get through some pretty terrible parts of my life, and I owe that to him. Hank is more than my dog, he is my friend, and he is my baby. I am that girl.
Hank loves the water, so in the past when he has just been bathed at the groomer I am confident that he isn't scared, and I feel like I can leave him there. He loves people, and anytime people are paying attention to him he's happy as could be.
Here's Hank loving Haley after a dip in Manawa
Look how cute that baby is?!
So here we are today. I made an appointment a couple of days ago at the one place that wasn't going to charge us $80.00 or more. Today at 11 was his appointment, and we got there about 10:55. As we drove up I was immediately concerned. The building was a house. In a completely residential area, and it was not a very nice house, I could tell from the outside. There were kennels outside because the place is a doggy daycare also, which is concerning since to be groomed there they do not require the Kennel Cough Vaccine. There was a sign outside that said "Puppies For Sale In July" and nothing makes me angrier than people breeding puppies for cash when the shelters are FULL.
Don't get me started.
Hank and I parked and walked towards the house. He was stoked. He loves to visit people, he's always excited. As soon as I opened the door to their screened in porch, the stench of cigarette smoke hit me. Super professional. What did I expect?
Despite my better judgement we kept walking in and as soon as Hank smelled the entry rug (which probably smelled like nervous animals) he immediately got nervous and his ears went down and he hunched as close to the ground as possible. He trusts me though, and he kept walking in with me. Hank and I have went to parties at much grosser places.
The receptionist greeted us and made a Hank Williams joke, as she would. I gave her Hanks shot records and out of nowhere, this LOUD and seemingly vicious dog bark came out of the back of the house. Hank bolted for the door. He is a lover not a fighter. He was scared, and all I could think of was he really needs his haircut... he really needs it, and I'll wait outside in my car the 3 hours it takes, I'll pick him up as soon as he's done. This will be fine. He's ok.
He was not ok.
After a minute we walked to the back of the house to put him in a pin to wait for his turn to be groomed. There were several dogs pinned in the back for "day care" (Barbs Best Friends is doggy daycare, not pins) and the receptionist slid a plastic tray under a big pin RIGHT NEXT to the dog who was WIGGING OUT. Hank was not having it. He kept looking at me like "Are you on drugs? You must be on drugs." He was so scared. I have terrible guilt for not leaving right then. The other dog was banging against the side of her pin trying to get to Hank. I forgot to mention, I also had a very rough, scream at the top of your lungs "I WANT MY HUSBAND BACK", type of night, and I was exhausted and as such very emotional. So, I started to cry. Not sobbing, but like sad movie crying. Silent crying, but there were definitely tears.
Yep. Get the visual. I'm not even embarassed. I was having a moment. Don't judge me.
The receptionist sort of paniced at this point. She could tell we were both pretty distressed (haha). What she did next though, made me go put Hank back in the car.
Hank is a German Shepherd mix. Anyone who works with dogs knows that particular breed frequently have hip joint issues, and Hank definitely does. This bitch got on her knees, leaned forward and grabbed my BABY by his front legs and tried to pull him into the pin. I, terrets style, loudly blurted out "STOP!" and yanked the leash away from her and started walking towards the door. No one manhandles my baby.
I was trying to continue to be nice, because I knew if I lost my temper the police were likely to attend our consultation. My rage, however, was boiling to that point and I felt like it was probably time to rush out of there. She said she would reschedule me an appointment when there would be less dogs in there, and I smiled politely and walked to my car. Where I sat and hugged my Hank and apologized over and over. Poor dude.
I drove him to another groomer, where my mom takes her dog, that was more expensive (still not terrible) but someone I trust and took Hank in to make an appointment. Like I should have done the first time. I'm a loser.
He's going next week, and I will let all of you know how that goes. In the mean time if you live in this area, and need a fun and safe place to take your dog for daycare or boarding stick with Barb's Best friends.
I told the other groomer how horrified I was by the whole experience and they promised me they would be good to him and I could stay the whole time if I wanted. Hank even liked being in the building and was excited to see all of the other dogs casually walking around in there.
So, I am feeling like the worlds worst dog mom. I took Hank to McDonalds to get him chicken nuggets and an ice cream cone. He was still nervous and his usually perky adorable ears were still glued to the side of his head, but I feel like he is going to forgive me.
It was quite the experience. Already both of my parents have given me a hard time about being too protective, even though my Mom never would have left her dog there. The thing is, I'm certain Hank would have had a heart attack if I had left him at that place, and I just couldn't do it. Zack got it. The animal lovers who read this will get it. Anyone who has ever seen me with Hank will at least not be surprised.
Sigh. I did the right thing.
Anyway, on today's agenda we have brush Hank until he wont allow me to anymore, and pack more of our stuff.
I know that was long folks, I was venting. Thanks for reading =]
XOXOXO
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Awful Suckful Day - Also, potentially life-saving advice.
I am angry and sad and frustrated and overwhelmed.
SN: This is probably not directed at you. I have the sneaking suspicion the directee's do not read my blog, or read for that matter. Zack and I have both been overwhelmed by the support from our family and friends. We love all of you so much.
I swear if one more person tells me to be strong, I will lose my mind. I am literally seconds away from fluffy bunny kicking crazy.
YOU be strong. Be strong next time you feel like you should tell me what you would do, be strong and don't give me your advice.
I know we will be fine.
I know he is going to come home safe.
I also know that for the next 359 days, give or take, I wont be able to be with him. I won't be able to go grocery shopping with him. I won't be able to watch movies with him. I won't be able to cuddle, or sleep with him.
I am so sad. I miss my husband.
I missed him before I got out of the airport. I sobbed the entire hour it took me to get out of the parking garage.
Isnt that special that you think that if you were in my position you could high-five your husband and gleefully skip to your car, I guess my husband and i just love each other more. Or maybe theres just something really wrong with you, or maybe theres just something really wrong with me. Regardless.
Going to the airport with my husband, and leaving without him absolutely killed me. I am devastated. We do everything together, and even driving home to our quiet house felt like I was being kicked in the stomach. And not just because our A/C conveniently went out last night, and the dog food in the kitchen is cooking in these temps, and smells awful.
I'm not being dramatic.
I miss him with my entire body.
I love him so much.
I hate this.
I hate it.
I know it's going to be ok. But today blows. I miss him so much.
SN: This is probably not directed at you. I have the sneaking suspicion the directee's do not read my blog, or read for that matter. Zack and I have both been overwhelmed by the support from our family and friends. We love all of you so much.
I swear if one more person tells me to be strong, I will lose my mind. I am literally seconds away from fluffy bunny kicking crazy.
YOU be strong. Be strong next time you feel like you should tell me what you would do, be strong and don't give me your advice.
I know we will be fine.
I know he is going to come home safe.
I also know that for the next 359 days, give or take, I wont be able to be with him. I won't be able to go grocery shopping with him. I won't be able to watch movies with him. I won't be able to cuddle, or sleep with him.
I am so sad. I miss my husband.
I missed him before I got out of the airport. I sobbed the entire hour it took me to get out of the parking garage.
Isnt that special that you think that if you were in my position you could high-five your husband and gleefully skip to your car, I guess my husband and i just love each other more. Or maybe theres just something really wrong with you, or maybe theres just something really wrong with me. Regardless.
Going to the airport with my husband, and leaving without him absolutely killed me. I am devastated. We do everything together, and even driving home to our quiet house felt like I was being kicked in the stomach. And not just because our A/C conveniently went out last night, and the dog food in the kitchen is cooking in these temps, and smells awful.
I'm not being dramatic.
I miss him with my entire body.
I love him so much.
I hate this.
I hate it.
I know it's going to be ok. But today blows. I miss him so much.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
I'm Going to Be FIne
Today has been a long day. I've been cleaning my house. Not just cleaning, I mean like deep cleaning. It was in complete disarray, so any kind of cleaning was welcomed by both my house, and my husband. My living room and bathroom are the cleanest they've been since I moved into this house. It's ridiculous. However, I have broken each and everyone of my Kim Kardashian glamorous finger nails. For some reason when I clean obsessively I slowly fall apart. My back aches, my feet suddenly feel freezing and go numbish, my skin gets dry, my lips immediately chap, and most concerning my nails get dry and break... yet, my husband doesn't feel this is a sign that I am to immediately stop cleaning and hire a cleaning service.
Our house is over run with animal hair. So much so that I almost considered naming this post Shaving the Kitty, which I immediately rethought... not really the type of reader I'm looking to get. Not on this blog anyway.
I won't pretend that Lucy is even one fifth of our animal hair problem, although her stripey hair is increasingly becoming an issue, it is mostly my big sheddy Hank. He makes no apologies about it, and the benefits of Hank's love far outweigh the fact that all black clothing Zack and I wear has to be kept in our cars, and we have to put it on in the driveway. Making wearing black pants uncomfortable for us, and our neighbors.
I have a dyson, and it rocks, and it still is a constant battle to tame the detached main of my zoo. It's really awful. But I try... yes I do.
Our dish washer is broken as well. It's one of those mobile ones that rolls around the floor when drunk people lean on it. It was never really reliable for clean dishes, but for the first 18 months or so that I lived here, a couple cycles did the job. It has however, completely forsaken me. Bastard. Now it sits angrily in the corner of my kitchen, mocking me, unused and in my way. So I have been HAND WASHING dishes, for the first time in my life. So much for being the kept, trophy wife I thought I was. It dries out my hands and nails in a way that you can not imagine.
My nails are screaming, and they sound like a tiny Vietnamese woman named Susie who works at my nail place. They beg me to get acryllic nails and forget about how great my nails grow on their own when taken care of. But I can't. It's too danged expensive, and I just cant forget how awesome my nails look when they get to grow on their own. I'm not ready to give up on them.
My carpet is perpetually spotted. Our carpet is white, because my landlord is a sadist. I don't know what he was thinking when he filled this house full of white easily stainable carpet but it wasn't "Some day I'm going to rent this house out to a funny young woman, her muddy husband, her great big dog, and their occasional potty trained-challenged foster dogs. So, I think we will go with white carpet. Yep." No sir, it was not.
Bah. I hate cleaning. I'm the worst cleaner, but when I start, you better just leave me alone because I'm not stopping. Which is why demon kitty has been quarantined to her room most of the day, I was certain if I stepped on her tail one more time it was going to result in a pricey vet visit.
I haven't checked facebook, all day. I don't know what's on anyone's mind right now, and it is strangely freeing but extremely unfamiliar. I could think about nothing other than shiny sinks (Thank you Flylady), Windexed mirrors, and getting everything organized all the live long day.
Here's the thing, I think if I just stay this busy every day Zack is gone, I should be A OK. I have all sorts of things planned for the year from hell.
I'm going to workout every day, except for maybe Sunday. Just because nobody likes anyone who works out everyday and public approval is very important to me.
I'm going to go to weight watchers because I'm getting boudoir or pin up photos done as a Valentine's day present for my husband in 2012, (which I'm writing more about later) and I plan to be even cuter.
I'm going to work and make some money and since I'll be so busy, I hope to have no time to spend any of it and be super ready for baby beautiful eyes as soon as Zack gets back.
I'm going to play with all of the babies of the people around me lucky enough to get knocked up recently. That is going to be spectacular.
I'm going to start cutting coupons like it never went out of style. I don't care if I look like your Grandma in the grocery store. It's going to be sweet.
I'm also playing coed softball with two of my favorite people in the world, Chelsea and Sam. I'm really excited about that.
I'm going to volunteer my behind off for SOLAS, for Precious Memories, and for any other thing I can get into. Volunteering makes me SO happy. It's disturbing.
I'm going to blog and talk to you all a lot. Because I just love you so much.
Plus I'm going to be spending a lot of time shipping care packages to my husband and skypeing and talking to him as much as possible.
My point, dear kiddies, in this crazy long post is a three parter: 1: Everything in my house is falling apart, and is likely to get worse when my husband leaves. 2: I don't mind because it will keep me so busy trying to keep up with everything. and Finally, I'm going to be fine. Even though if I think about it for more than a minute I am likely to cry uncontrollably with no foreseeable end, but why in the world would I think about it for more than a minute?! Just like when he's gone, I'm going to take every day one minute at a time.
***Love you guys, thanks for reading. Recently I've been getting a lot of super positive feedback about TGIMolly and I'm so proud. I would say about 90% of my monthly readers are military wives, so if any one of you would like to write a guest blog post I would absolutely love that. Also, don't forget it's so easy to comment at the bottom of these posts and let me know what you think.***
Our house is over run with animal hair. So much so that I almost considered naming this post Shaving the Kitty, which I immediately rethought... not really the type of reader I'm looking to get. Not on this blog anyway.
I won't pretend that Lucy is even one fifth of our animal hair problem, although her stripey hair is increasingly becoming an issue, it is mostly my big sheddy Hank. He makes no apologies about it, and the benefits of Hank's love far outweigh the fact that all black clothing Zack and I wear has to be kept in our cars, and we have to put it on in the driveway. Making wearing black pants uncomfortable for us, and our neighbors.
I have a dyson, and it rocks, and it still is a constant battle to tame the detached main of my zoo. It's really awful. But I try... yes I do.
Our dish washer is broken as well. It's one of those mobile ones that rolls around the floor when drunk people lean on it. It was never really reliable for clean dishes, but for the first 18 months or so that I lived here, a couple cycles did the job. It has however, completely forsaken me. Bastard. Now it sits angrily in the corner of my kitchen, mocking me, unused and in my way. So I have been HAND WASHING dishes, for the first time in my life. So much for being the kept, trophy wife I thought I was. It dries out my hands and nails in a way that you can not imagine.
My nails are screaming, and they sound like a tiny Vietnamese woman named Susie who works at my nail place. They beg me to get acryllic nails and forget about how great my nails grow on their own when taken care of. But I can't. It's too danged expensive, and I just cant forget how awesome my nails look when they get to grow on their own. I'm not ready to give up on them.
My carpet is perpetually spotted. Our carpet is white, because my landlord is a sadist. I don't know what he was thinking when he filled this house full of white easily stainable carpet but it wasn't "Some day I'm going to rent this house out to a funny young woman, her muddy husband, her great big dog, and their occasional potty trained-challenged foster dogs. So, I think we will go with white carpet. Yep." No sir, it was not.
Bah. I hate cleaning. I'm the worst cleaner, but when I start, you better just leave me alone because I'm not stopping. Which is why demon kitty has been quarantined to her room most of the day, I was certain if I stepped on her tail one more time it was going to result in a pricey vet visit.
I haven't checked facebook, all day. I don't know what's on anyone's mind right now, and it is strangely freeing but extremely unfamiliar. I could think about nothing other than shiny sinks (Thank you Flylady), Windexed mirrors, and getting everything organized all the live long day.
Here's the thing, I think if I just stay this busy every day Zack is gone, I should be A OK. I have all sorts of things planned for the year from hell.
I'm going to workout every day, except for maybe Sunday. Just because nobody likes anyone who works out everyday and public approval is very important to me.
I'm going to go to weight watchers because I'm getting boudoir or pin up photos done as a Valentine's day present for my husband in 2012, (which I'm writing more about later) and I plan to be even cuter.
I'm going to work and make some money and since I'll be so busy, I hope to have no time to spend any of it and be super ready for baby beautiful eyes as soon as Zack gets back.
I'm going to play with all of the babies of the people around me lucky enough to get knocked up recently. That is going to be spectacular.
I'm going to start cutting coupons like it never went out of style. I don't care if I look like your Grandma in the grocery store. It's going to be sweet.
I'm also playing coed softball with two of my favorite people in the world, Chelsea and Sam. I'm really excited about that.
I'm going to volunteer my behind off for SOLAS, for Precious Memories, and for any other thing I can get into. Volunteering makes me SO happy. It's disturbing.
I'm going to blog and talk to you all a lot. Because I just love you so much.
Plus I'm going to be spending a lot of time shipping care packages to my husband and skypeing and talking to him as much as possible.
My point, dear kiddies, in this crazy long post is a three parter: 1: Everything in my house is falling apart, and is likely to get worse when my husband leaves. 2: I don't mind because it will keep me so busy trying to keep up with everything. and Finally, I'm going to be fine. Even though if I think about it for more than a minute I am likely to cry uncontrollably with no foreseeable end, but why in the world would I think about it for more than a minute?! Just like when he's gone, I'm going to take every day one minute at a time.
***Love you guys, thanks for reading. Recently I've been getting a lot of super positive feedback about TGIMolly and I'm so proud. I would say about 90% of my monthly readers are military wives, so if any one of you would like to write a guest blog post I would absolutely love that. Also, don't forget it's so easy to comment at the bottom of these posts and let me know what you think.***
Friday, November 26, 2010
My Mini-Human
I can NOT wait to have a baby. I'm trying. I am. But I am just so excited.
I am going to be what is commonly referred to as an attached parent. I will have whole, uncircumcised, kiddos who I will selectively vaccinate, wear full-time, breast feed until they don't want to anymore, they will be cloth diapered, and they will be brought into this world as peacefully, and as drug-free, as God will allow. These are decisions Zack and I have already made for our babies. We already know their names and we sometimes refer to them as if they are here. We are very excited.
They will be our babies. OURS. I don't care what you do with your baby. We have researched and researched every single decision that we have already made, and we know these decisions are right for our babies. I absolutely believe that they're right for all babies, but certainly know it's not my place to go to your facebook and throw advice you didn't ask for at you. I know enough common courtesy to know not to tell you you're wrong... to your face, anyway.
There is no (none) medical proof that says baby boy Williams should be circumcised. In fact, to the contrary. Like Craig Ferguson recently said "so, the options are wash it or cut it off?". Seems silly.
My baby will be born with ears, they will be an inconvenience to me at first, and to him later. They will get dirty, they could get infected, they will have to be washed every single time I bathe him... pain. in. the. ass. So, we're having them removed.
Call CPS I'm out of my mind!!
But if I said the same thing about a useful, nerve filled part of my future son a lot of the people in the United States would be perfectly fine. ugh.
Also, I'm a mammal, and I want to give my baby the very best start at life, so of course I will breastfeed. The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding 'til 2. I will. That's it. I will. It is what my body was made to do. If I am in the extremely small percent of women with a legitimate reason that they can not, I will feed my babes someone elses breast milk. That's it. They're mammals and they're human. They deserve, their birth right is, to get human breast milk.
I'm getting off track, and I didn't want this post to be about how I hate standard procedure and how hospitals treat birth like an illness. So, it's not going to be.
What I DESPISE, is women who believe differently defending their decisions to Mom's who choose to raise their babies naturally and have all the medical and psychological proof in the world to back it up.
My best friend is without question, the best Mom, that I have ever seen. She's researched thoroughly every decision she has made for her baby and future baby and she does everything she can to make sure her kiddo's have the very best start at life. Unfailingly, however, every single time I stalk her facebook page her evil evil monster-in-law or some hillbilly she's friends with (sorry) is telling her how dumb it is that she still wants to breastfeed or not circumcise or cloth-diaper. It is astounding. The overwhelming majority of these people are lazy people who just go with the flow and do whatever their doctor says to do, that are defending their bad decisions because they feel guilt or some other similar emotion about making them. If you make a decision for your baby and you have medical proof or really, ANY TYPE of legitimate argument, I can respect that. But inconvenience or tradition is not a legitimate argument. Recently someone wrote on her page "I circumcised both my kids, I believe it's a personal choice on this one." what??? Sure, so is everything else! See:ear removal. dumb.
Or calling people selfish who choose not to get the MMR vaccine for their kids, because there is a considerable risk of HARM to the child. Or saying that standard procedure std vaccinations for NEWBORNS are there because "so many mom's lie" about their STD status. WTF?!
Silly.
My point here is, SHUT UP. That's great that you formula feed and gave your baby cereal at 2 weeks. Good for you. Your baby will probably be fine. Probably. If probably works for you, GREAT.
I have to hold my tongue every single time I go to her facebook.
Recently her own father-in-law told her that a decision she made for her baby (a legitimate decision) just didn't have a "good enough fucking reason".
I swear I will cut someone.
This is why, as a lactivist, intactivist, future cloth diapering, baby wearing, selective vaccing, breastfeeding, Mom I will not explain myself. The decisions I make will be discussed with my husband only. Because I could not be nice to the people my dear dear bestie is nice to. I will end up in jail.
That is all.
I am going to be what is commonly referred to as an attached parent. I will have whole, uncircumcised, kiddos who I will selectively vaccinate, wear full-time, breast feed until they don't want to anymore, they will be cloth diapered, and they will be brought into this world as peacefully, and as drug-free, as God will allow. These are decisions Zack and I have already made for our babies. We already know their names and we sometimes refer to them as if they are here. We are very excited.
They will be our babies. OURS. I don't care what you do with your baby. We have researched and researched every single decision that we have already made, and we know these decisions are right for our babies. I absolutely believe that they're right for all babies, but certainly know it's not my place to go to your facebook and throw advice you didn't ask for at you. I know enough common courtesy to know not to tell you you're wrong... to your face, anyway.
There is no (none) medical proof that says baby boy Williams should be circumcised. In fact, to the contrary. Like Craig Ferguson recently said "so, the options are wash it or cut it off?". Seems silly.
My baby will be born with ears, they will be an inconvenience to me at first, and to him later. They will get dirty, they could get infected, they will have to be washed every single time I bathe him... pain. in. the. ass. So, we're having them removed.
Call CPS I'm out of my mind!!
But if I said the same thing about a useful, nerve filled part of my future son a lot of the people in the United States would be perfectly fine. ugh.
Also, I'm a mammal, and I want to give my baby the very best start at life, so of course I will breastfeed. The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding 'til 2. I will. That's it. I will. It is what my body was made to do. If I am in the extremely small percent of women with a legitimate reason that they can not, I will feed my babes someone elses breast milk. That's it. They're mammals and they're human. They deserve, their birth right is, to get human breast milk.
I'm getting off track, and I didn't want this post to be about how I hate standard procedure and how hospitals treat birth like an illness. So, it's not going to be.
What I DESPISE, is women who believe differently defending their decisions to Mom's who choose to raise their babies naturally and have all the medical and psychological proof in the world to back it up.
My best friend is without question, the best Mom, that I have ever seen. She's researched thoroughly every decision she has made for her baby and future baby and she does everything she can to make sure her kiddo's have the very best start at life. Unfailingly, however, every single time I stalk her facebook page her evil evil monster-in-law or some hillbilly she's friends with (sorry) is telling her how dumb it is that she still wants to breastfeed or not circumcise or cloth-diaper. It is astounding. The overwhelming majority of these people are lazy people who just go with the flow and do whatever their doctor says to do, that are defending their bad decisions because they feel guilt or some other similar emotion about making them. If you make a decision for your baby and you have medical proof or really, ANY TYPE of legitimate argument, I can respect that. But inconvenience or tradition is not a legitimate argument. Recently someone wrote on her page "I circumcised both my kids, I believe it's a personal choice on this one." what??? Sure, so is everything else! See:ear removal. dumb.
Or calling people selfish who choose not to get the MMR vaccine for their kids, because there is a considerable risk of HARM to the child. Or saying that standard procedure std vaccinations for NEWBORNS are there because "so many mom's lie" about their STD status. WTF?!
Silly.
My point here is, SHUT UP. That's great that you formula feed and gave your baby cereal at 2 weeks. Good for you. Your baby will probably be fine. Probably. If probably works for you, GREAT.
I have to hold my tongue every single time I go to her facebook.
Recently her own father-in-law told her that a decision she made for her baby (a legitimate decision) just didn't have a "good enough fucking reason".
I swear I will cut someone.
This is why, as a lactivist, intactivist, future cloth diapering, baby wearing, selective vaccing, breastfeeding, Mom I will not explain myself. The decisions I make will be discussed with my husband only. Because I could not be nice to the people my dear dear bestie is nice to. I will end up in jail.
That is all.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Sleeping Beauty
Today Zack and I have been together in wedded bliss for 3 months! Isn't that crazy? And In just 3 more months I will have known him a year haha. Don't judge us.
I am so bored. Today is privacy invasion/ home inspection day and Zack got home from breakfast with his friends at about 8:30 and then helped clean/ psychoticly cleaned everything he could find and he finally just went to sleep. So now I'm watching The Emperors New School and The Replacements while I wait for sleeping beauty to wake up. A reasonable substitute for my husband waking up to play with me would be my snapfish pictures getting here. Tracking says they'll be delivered today!
I won't lie, I'm still super bummed about not getting orders. It suuuper sucks. But it is what it is and everything will work out. Today somebody said on facebook "everything good comes at a walk, everything bad comes like a locomotive." Seeing as all of this seems to be moving at a snail's pace (I'm 100 and just said, at a snail's pace... what I meant was slower than molasses on a cold day...) I hope that saying is true and this means good things.
Sarah Palin is the dumbest human being on the planet. If I saw her I would punch her right in the pie-hole. Her and Elisabeth Hasselbeck. What a Jack-ass that woman is... but I digress. Sorry, the Chris Matthews show came on.
Anyway, I am very excited for our upcoming vacations and getting to go see our new nephew baby Max. Today I went to a dog boarding place to check it out for Mr. Hank and I <3d it. He will love it almost as much as if he could come with.
What a weird day.
By the way! Please pray for Zack's Grandma Dee who is back in the hospital with high potassium counts and kidney issues. We love her so much and want her to get better!
That's all, for now.
I am so bored. Today is privacy invasion/ home inspection day and Zack got home from breakfast with his friends at about 8:30 and then helped clean/ psychoticly cleaned everything he could find and he finally just went to sleep. So now I'm watching The Emperors New School and The Replacements while I wait for sleeping beauty to wake up. A reasonable substitute for my husband waking up to play with me would be my snapfish pictures getting here. Tracking says they'll be delivered today!
I won't lie, I'm still super bummed about not getting orders. It suuuper sucks. But it is what it is and everything will work out. Today somebody said on facebook "everything good comes at a walk, everything bad comes like a locomotive." Seeing as all of this seems to be moving at a snail's pace (I'm 100 and just said, at a snail's pace... what I meant was slower than molasses on a cold day...) I hope that saying is true and this means good things.
Sarah Palin is the dumbest human being on the planet. If I saw her I would punch her right in the pie-hole. Her and Elisabeth Hasselbeck. What a Jack-ass that woman is... but I digress. Sorry, the Chris Matthews show came on.
Anyway, I am very excited for our upcoming vacations and getting to go see our new nephew baby Max. Today I went to a dog boarding place to check it out for Mr. Hank and I <3d it. He will love it almost as much as if he could come with.
What a weird day.
By the way! Please pray for Zack's Grandma Dee who is back in the hospital with high potassium counts and kidney issues. We love her so much and want her to get better!
That's all, for now.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Bummer.
I am far too bummed to blog right now. No orders. We were rejected.
I don't know where we go from here or what the plan is now. I'll update everyone when I know. For right now though I'm realizing and remembering that I am very lucky to have my husband and the life that I have and waiting a minute to find out the next step will be ok. It blows. But, it will be ok. Things could be worse. We are lucky and spoiled and blessed.
Life is good.
UPDATE:
Here's what my amazing Husband has to say on the matter, with a little more explanation.
I'm quoting facebook postings--
--Zackery Williams: I found out on nko... Sicily was n for no and Japan and Guam were t for try again. No Bahrain. Fuck it... I don't care anymore. All I care about is my loving wifey and my beautiful doggy Hank. It is what it is.
And on my wall he wrote
--Zackery Williams: Molly it practically ruined my day. But knowing that you will still be home makes me not care about where we go. Basset Hound.
Tell me he isn't the best husband??
I'm a lucky girl.
I don't know where we go from here or what the plan is now. I'll update everyone when I know. For right now though I'm realizing and remembering that I am very lucky to have my husband and the life that I have and waiting a minute to find out the next step will be ok. It blows. But, it will be ok. Things could be worse. We are lucky and spoiled and blessed.
Life is good.
UPDATE:
Here's what my amazing Husband has to say on the matter, with a little more explanation.
I'm quoting facebook postings--
--Zackery Williams: I found out on nko... Sicily was n for no and Japan and Guam were t for try again. No Bahrain. Fuck it... I don't care anymore. All I care about is my loving wifey and my beautiful doggy Hank. It is what it is.
And on my wall he wrote
--Zackery Williams: Molly it practically ruined my day. But knowing that you will still be home makes me not care about where we go. Basset Hound.
Tell me he isn't the best husband??
I'm a lucky girl.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Busy, busy.. not really.
Today I'm trying to keep busy. Because the day before the last time I thought we were going to find out where we're moving wasn't terrible but definitely got long when I wasn't tired enough to sleep at the end of the day. So I'm going to build a house or something today so that I'm freakin' exhausted tonight. Then when Zack gets home tomorrow I will celebrate with a quick post!
I love Shark Week. So much.
The Ultimate Air Jaws show really just gave me hope and freaked me out. Hope because the beaches look so beautiful and soon I will be living close to one and that makes bringing Hank overseas, and putting him through all the crap he's going to have to go through, totally worth it for him to be able to be a beach dog. He's going to LOVE going to the beach. He looooves swimming. Which brings me to my next point. I'm going to be a wreck when he swims in the ocean... I will be watching him like a hawk. What if a shark tries to get my Hank?? I'll kill, cook and eat a biatch for trying. Shark soup, kids. Tell your shark friends.
We are finally having our "home inspection" this Saturday. If my landlord doesn't show up for any reason, I'll probably just burn my house down out of frustration. We cleaned the carpets yesterday, and they look amazing now. Who the hell puts white carpet throughout an ENTIRE house anyways? Nobody with a damn dog, that's for sure. Or a husband, for that matter.
My irritation on the subject comes from nearly 3 months of scheduling and canceling this stupid violation of my privacy. But, whatever. What's the point now anyways? It's been 3 months. If I did have a meth lab, I would have had plenty of time to hide it. Sigh.
So tomorrow morning we find out where were moving. Tomorrow night Zack works his last shift of this cycle before having 3 days off. Saturday is our 3 month wedding anniversary and all the stuff I ordered from Snapfish should be in. However, we do have that stupid inspection. It should be an interesting weekend. Or not. I don't care.
Lastly, my Pops is riding his Harley to Sturgis this weekend and I want everyone to pray for him to be safe, as well as the people with him. Do it.
<3 you, kiddies!
I love Shark Week. So much.
The Ultimate Air Jaws show really just gave me hope and freaked me out. Hope because the beaches look so beautiful and soon I will be living close to one and that makes bringing Hank overseas, and putting him through all the crap he's going to have to go through, totally worth it for him to be able to be a beach dog. He's going to LOVE going to the beach. He looooves swimming. Which brings me to my next point. I'm going to be a wreck when he swims in the ocean... I will be watching him like a hawk. What if a shark tries to get my Hank?? I'll kill, cook and eat a biatch for trying. Shark soup, kids. Tell your shark friends.
We are finally having our "home inspection" this Saturday. If my landlord doesn't show up for any reason, I'll probably just burn my house down out of frustration. We cleaned the carpets yesterday, and they look amazing now. Who the hell puts white carpet throughout an ENTIRE house anyways? Nobody with a damn dog, that's for sure. Or a husband, for that matter.
My irritation on the subject comes from nearly 3 months of scheduling and canceling this stupid violation of my privacy. But, whatever. What's the point now anyways? It's been 3 months. If I did have a meth lab, I would have had plenty of time to hide it. Sigh.
So tomorrow morning we find out where were moving. Tomorrow night Zack works his last shift of this cycle before having 3 days off. Saturday is our 3 month wedding anniversary and all the stuff I ordered from Snapfish should be in. However, we do have that stupid inspection. It should be an interesting weekend. Or not. I don't care.
Lastly, my Pops is riding his Harley to Sturgis this weekend and I want everyone to pray for him to be safe, as well as the people with him. Do it.
<3 you, kiddies!
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Thank Goodness It's Molly's Blog
Everybody is always telling me, "Molly you're life seems so exciting. I wish there was a way I could read about your daily adventures. Also, your thoughts, feelings, rants, and other musings. Because you're just so darned interesting.". Perhaps not all those words exactly... in that order... but a lot of those words are said to me. Regardless. I decided to start a blog.
So maybe my life is a little slow right now in the excitement arena. But soon, things are going to be pretty hectic.
To fill everyone (both of you) in I'll briefly summarize the happenings over the last 10 or so months. The seeds of this fantastic madness were planted last year when I started volunteering regularly at the Council Bluffs Animal Shelter, where I met (mastermind, life changer) Douglas Martin Siegmund. Doug introduced me to my hubby, Zack, at the beginning of November. He proposed February 20th. We got married in a small-ish courthouse ceremony May 7th. Annnnd here we are.
So, things moved pretty quickly. Don't judge us. We're very happy.
Also, we are having a wedding ceremony/reception/going away party in March just before our big. Move. Oh, right, we're moving overseas in April. We will be in (Navy determined location) for up to 3 years, and that could be exciting to read about. Also, we have every intention of growing a mini-human in said location, and that will undoubtedly be interesting. A blog is a good way to keep people updated.
What I'm trying to say is, soon there will be a lot to read about. Plus, this moving and planning process is very frustrating and confusing and I think this will be a place that my questions could generate some answers. Not just for me but for other Navy wives going through all of this craziness. We shall see I guess.
Plus my family will read just about anything I jot down, they think I'm very interesting... so... I've got that.
In other news I just got out of the shower 3 minutes ago and my hair is already a disaster (see: afro), so I should probably try to go tame this beast.
I'm stoked you read this :)
So maybe my life is a little slow right now in the excitement arena. But soon, things are going to be pretty hectic.
To fill everyone (both of you) in I'll briefly summarize the happenings over the last 10 or so months. The seeds of this fantastic madness were planted last year when I started volunteering regularly at the Council Bluffs Animal Shelter, where I met (mastermind, life changer) Douglas Martin Siegmund. Doug introduced me to my hubby, Zack, at the beginning of November. He proposed February 20th. We got married in a small-ish courthouse ceremony May 7th. Annnnd here we are.
So, things moved pretty quickly. Don't judge us. We're very happy.
Also, we are having a wedding ceremony/reception/going away party in March just before our big. Move. Oh, right, we're moving overseas in April. We will be in (Navy determined location) for up to 3 years, and that could be exciting to read about. Also, we have every intention of growing a mini-human in said location, and that will undoubtedly be interesting. A blog is a good way to keep people updated.
What I'm trying to say is, soon there will be a lot to read about. Plus, this moving and planning process is very frustrating and confusing and I think this will be a place that my questions could generate some answers. Not just for me but for other Navy wives going through all of this craziness. We shall see I guess.
Plus my family will read just about anything I jot down, they think I'm very interesting... so... I've got that.
In other news I just got out of the shower 3 minutes ago and my hair is already a disaster (see: afro), so I should probably try to go tame this beast.
I'm stoked you read this :)
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