Sunday, May 29, 2011

Naked Skype Chatting

(This blog entry's original post date is May 11th... however my blog is obsessed with this post for some reason, and occasionally reposts it as a new post without my permission... sorry about that...)

By accident... of course.

I am a very anxious person. I worry a lot. I am very nervous about all of this, as to be expected, and I had a very long night.
Hint- Don't watch international flight tracking.

As my frequent blog readers know, I am quite the little bath taker. When I get nervous (bored, tired, sleepy, hot, cold... anything really) I take a bath, and facebook stalk on my cellular. Yes, even though I have a brand new cell phone (a Thunderbolt actually, it rocks by the way).


This morning around 3am, since I'm not sleeping, I decided to take a bath. I knew Zack was in the airport waiting for his flight to Bahrain and that he could be calling or skyping me soon, but I also thought it might be a while, which is why I decided to take a bath.

I definitely didn't want to miss a skype call or a phone call so I decided to prop my laptop up on the toilet- easily reachable from the tub- just in case my cell phone didn't get the skype call for whatever reason.

Well, as I'm sure you've guessed. About 5 minutes after sinking into a flaming hot bubble bath, I got a skype call on my laptop. Which I immediately answered naked in the bath tub.

Skype is so fantastic
He was in a starbucks.
Eh, whatever.
I'm just so glad I got to see his face.
I miss him so much.

He will be done traveling FINALLY this evening. I'm hoping to hear from him shortly after he lands. Then I hope to sleep for a very long time.
I will be so relieved when he is done traveling and I know he is safe and ok.
I miss him so much.

I miss him so, so, much.

He is well by the way. He was happy to see his naked wife and his sweet Hank and Lucy. We are both very sad, and having a hard time adjusting. But it's only been a few days, and we are both very, very, tired. We will be ok.

I am so lucky I have him to miss.

Oh and, in true Zackery style, he skype introduced me, while naked in the bathtub, to his new barista friend. Hahahaha. Whatever. He could only see to my naked shoulders. Poor guy.

It's Memorial Day

Today isn't just about getting 3 days off work and partying by the river, girls and boys!
Today is about remembering the Heroes past and present. Those who have fallen, and those still serving. God Bless each and every one of you for keeping us safe, and for your selfless service for our country, and her people. Each of you is appreciated and thought about today, and every day.

Today is also about guys in a war zone making fun of Rebecca Black to remember their fallen friend...!/video/video.php?v=2029304288301&comments

Using humor to stay sane =]

I am so proud of you Zackery. My very own Hero. I love you so much.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Ew. Ew. Ew. What An Exciting Life

Is it sad that I am super excited that my landlord told me he has graduation parties all weekend and won't be able to come mow my lawn? My landlord is a relatively nice man, enjoyable even. I like him.
But, everyone who has ever rented a property ever in their lives knows that there is a certain level of anxiety that comes with knowing your landlord is coming to your house. My landlord mows for me, for a small fee, and I have found he can come anywhere from once every 3 days to once every 7 days. He's busy, so he can't really say for sure when he will be here. Which is why I also like it when it's raining, because I feel like I can relax.
I'm not hiding a meth lab or anything. I'm just messy, and I forget to pick up all the dog poop, or I'm not wearing a bra and my curtains are open. He's seen me looking pretty rough.
He also works with my Dad, and they are friends. So I know that if something is too out of the ordinary here I will hear it from my pops as well. So, I'm on edge often. Right around 3:30 every day when they get off work, until it gets to be too late for mowing. lol. It's pathetic really.
I should be medicated. More.

**Fair Warning: The rest of this post is kind of gross, and sort of long. But it's very funny, and it has pictures, and not of anything gross, and everybody loves pictures!**

Today I am doing more cleaning. Mostly dog vomit, because Hank is having allergy issues, apparently. Yesterday the lawn was mowed, and he always pants himself sick when the grass is mowed because he is apparently very allergic to cut grass. I feel for him because I have terrible allergies also, but I don't puke on the floor. He's also very nervous about where Zack has been and isn't getting a lot of sleep since he is constantly looking for him. I feel ya, Hank.
As you can see, not only is my life very exciting, it's also immensely glamorous.
Yesterday I had to pick up all the dog poop, which I hadn't done in several days. It was horrifying and I couldn't help but laugh thinking about Zack.

Zack hates dog poop. He has serious dog poop fear. Child hood trauma or something. He's a big baby.
When he first moved in with me, and he and my Dad turned into bff's my Dad started addressing Zack concerning all matters of lawn and Dog care. This included Hank poop.
Even though I offered multiple times to continue picking up the poop, or paying someone else to do it, he insisted that it was his responsibility. Per my Dad.
The first day he went out to pick it up he insisted I stand on the front porch and talk to him while he did it, to distract him.
It was hilarious.
Every once in a while he would smell something and gag and gag and gag. Then get so mad at me for cracking up. It was hilarious.
The icing on the cake was when Hank, casually walked up right beside him and made more of a mess for him to pick up. I think Hank was laughing too.
I knew that day, watching Zack pick up Hank mess and gag, all the while covered in Hank's hair, that he was my soul mate. If he could be with me and love Hank and rarely complain about owning the sweetest, sheddiest dog in the world, and pick up after him, he must really love us. And he does. So much.

But, Hank is one thing, and other peoples dogs are another.
When Zack and I drove to Florida before he left for Bahrain, we drove because my Grandma needed to get her dogs and car back there so she could spend some time in the house she has there.

Scooter, My grandma's yorkie, sleeping on Zacks shoulder.

Patsy, My Grandma's Wheaton Terrier, laying on my Grandma's stuff while we drove.

We loved driving down there. 25 hours, and all. Because Zack and I love to spend time together. But honestly, while we loved it and got to see lots of cool things, and make memories we will never forget, our trip started off pretty shitty. Literally.
We stopped every once in a while to eat and let the dogs out, or if we saw signs for something cool Zack we wanted to see.

Giant Superman statue in Metropolis, for example =]

It was super fun, and the dogs were pretty well behaved that first day.
Except for the incident at Sonic. Patsy was barking herself into a heart attack because 2 motorcycles drove up. Patsy loves motorcycles because she associates them with my Dad, who she loves more than life. Even after allowing Patsy to talk to the very nice bikers to show her they were not in fact my father, she continued to bark and completely freak out.
I decided to put her in the car since no one could order their food over her obnoxious barking.
I put her in the car, which the bikers parked right next to, and walked back to the table to grab my food and the bowl of water we had for the dogs, and then walked right back to the car to sit in there and eat with her while Zack and Scooter finished at the tables outside.
By the time I got back to the car, where I could hear Patsy barking and freaking out at the bikes still, she had lost her shit. Literally. Barked until she pooped right in the front seat. In less than a minutes time. Less than 30 seconds probably.
Zack was horrified.
He didn't even see it! For the rest of the day he talked about how disgusting it was that I picked it up with a napkin and put it in a fast food cup and threw it away. He was horrified. And it didn't even make the car stink.

That night we stopped in Tennessee and spent the night at a pet-friendly hotel.
Patsy and Scooter looking out the window at the hotel

That morning we woke up and Zack went down to smoke and get some breakfast. When he came back, he was excited, and said that this hotel had terrible breakfast but was extremely pet friendly, and that he met someone downstairs who had kept 3 llamas in their room the night before and they were outside now. I had to go see them, so we spent about an hour walking the dogs outside and seeing the llamas. Plenty of time for them to do their business before we got on the road, we thought. 
 I know it's a terrible picture of the llamas, but we couldn't get too close, we didn't want to scare them.

We got on the road as soon as we were done walking the dogs, and totally forgot our drinks in the hotel room. Zack started complaining that he was dying of thirst after about 3 minutes. So we pulled off when we saw a sign that said last exit 50 miles and let the dogs out at dunkin donuts, and got some Tennessee sweet tea that we were pretty excited about. So, basically that morning the dogs had been in the car for abour 15 minutes so far.
We were back on the road, and I wasn't stopping until someone was begging me. I'm sort of a male like that. It was early, Zack would fall asleep, as would the dogs, and I would drive until they woke up. 
I had JUST set the cruise control when Zack started saying "I think Scooter is squatting, I think he's gonna go to the bathroom!". I was laughing because he is so paranoid and told him we had just had him out, it wasn't possible he still had to go. Then Zack started to scream "Scooter stop! Stop! Scooter! Molly, pull over!!" He was indeed pooping on all of grandma's stuff we were taking cross country for her. And as Zack screamed Scooter walked and dragged it across the rest of the stuff.  
Zack started gagging, I started cracking up. I have worked at daycares, and I volunteer at the animal shelter, and foster puppy mill dogs, poop is not nearly as horrifying to me.
We had just passed the sign that said we had 50 miles to go til there was anything that could be done about it. We had also just cleaned out the car and threw away all the napkins, there was nothing to clean it up with.
I was dying laughing. It smelled... unfavorable. Zack was trying to roll down the window, and Patsy immediately started trying to jump out. It was unbelievably funny. The window was rolled down one inch and Zack's entire face was sticking out of it screaming at me how we needed to pull over to the side of the (very busy dangerous) road THAT MINUTE. I was trying to explain that there was nothing we could do and we would just have to tough it out for 48 more miles. I almost peed my pants I was laughing so hard.
He made me clean all of it up when we finally got pulled over. It was also all over Scooter, and he wouldn't even hold him while I sprayed him with water out of a bottle I borrowed from the gas station that said "toxic",  and wiped his tiny furry butt off. He gagged the entire time.

My husband the U.S. Navy Sailor.

Oh, silly Zack. I miss him so much that dog poop reminds me of him.
What an exciting, and glamourous life.
I couldn't be happier to live the rest of it with my sweet Hubs.

I know that was a really long and gross post lol... but whatev. I thought it was hilarious and Zack will laugh when he reads it =] Sorry if we grossed you out!

Love you!

Thursday, May 26, 2011

I'm An Idiot, How Exciting!

In my frenzy (or crazy), obviously to keep busy, I have been literally purging all of the extra in my house. It is obscene. Boxes and boxes and boxes of stuff for goodwill. I'm almost embarassed. Beds, bedding, old stocking stuffers, shoes, random items I don't need, tupperware by the case load for example, but mostly CLOTHES. I just did this last year, I know, some of you have read about this once before. But last year I kept things because I thought that they were cute and one day I'd be able to wear the outfit I wore to post prom my junior year, again.

I am an idiot.

I am doing fabulous on weight watchers. I am a lot more aware of what I eat, mainly. Knowing my regular sandwich from Jimmy's is 20 points, has kept me away from their freaky fast goodness. French fries are out of the question, and even my favorite salad has like 18 points. I feel like an idiot for eating like that before. Because fruit is 0 points (yay grapefruit!!) and requires almost no prep-time I mostly eat that. Also, so that I get some real food in I eat oatmeal or something for breakfast and maybe a weight watchers smart ones frozen meal for dinner. Which is difficult for me, because I don't like to eat things that don't expire this year. But, it's a marked improvement from the crap I eat usually without really even thinking about it.

It's actually perfect, because Zack's health habits are changing drastically due to his new found love of fitness, and his roommate David. So, I feel confident that when he returns we will be able to stay fit and look sexy together.

Back to my point, I am doing fabulous on weight watchers. My clothes, after only one week, are already fitting a lot differently. I am stoked. So, I thought, I could get out my old clothes that I saved and see if they fit.

I am an idiot.

This was a terrible decision for a few reasons. The first is that I have been wearing clothes that fit loosely to begin with so my 3 or 4 pound weight loss since starting WW is going to make clothes that were already borderline too big, fit like they're too big. Putting on clothes that were SEVERAL sizes smaller was a joke. They were way too small and left me feeling like a huge douche.
The second reason that it wasn't a great idea, is that those clothes, are not cute. As it turns out. They looked fabulous on my 5 years ago, because that's when they were stylish and new. Not today, folks. Not today.
Why did I think that wearing those funny, tie under your boobs over a tanktop thingys were even remotely acceptable? Talking about showing off your assets. Apparently I thought those were words to live by.

Circa May 2008- hopefully the last one of those shirt toppers I wore.

I am an idiot.

So today while purging the clothes from my bedroom, without even opening last years boxes I put in my closet marked post-weight loss, I put them in my car to be taken to goodwill. Outski.

This is not because I am not confident that I will fit into them again, I will. I could totally rock those boob-showy thingys and tiny tank tops, in a couple of months. But, why would I? My thoughts on keeping them previously wasn't to save money on new clothes, it was to wear cute smaller clothes as a reward to myself when I lost weight. Reward myself from wearing clothes that I wouldn't have worn today if I never gained any weight at all. What a reward that would have been.

Ya know what a better reward will be? NEW CLOTHES. Woot! It's going to be spectacular.

So, they're all gone. Except my favorite old pair of jeans, also not acceptable to wear in 2011. But, how frickity awesome will I feel when I can wear them again?? Yessir.

I'm feeling confident! I feel motivated, and I am going to kick this weight loss things ass, and then all of you will donate money for my new wardrobe... please.

Okeydoke. More cleaning to get to. Talk to you all later!

By the way- I've been getting RECORD views on this blog, like the highest they've ever been by almost double, and yet the comments have drastically decreased. What the hayl? No comment?


Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Geesh. Pervs.

Using blogger I can see the google searches that lead people to my blog instead of those who just click directly on a link to it. In the last 7 days these are the terms used the most, says blogger, that have brought people to read about my super-sexy (sarcasm) life...

thank goodness its molly                     28times
tgimolly                                               25times
blogspot + tgimolly                             23times
get naked on skype                             20times              20times
my goodness its molly                         20times
naked skype calls                                20times
naked skype chats                               19times
skype, naked calls                               18times
tgimolly blog                                       10times

So, it's safe to say a bunch of people looking for naked skypers are reading this very moment. What up, perverts? Welcome to my blog! Things rarely get steamy. But, give it a couple more weeks, when I'm feeling especially deprived and lonely and maybe things will heat up.

Do you know there is a group of military spouses and even service members on facebook called "Sexually Deprived For Your Freedom". It's a fantastic page, and it's got a lot of really funny people on it. Always good for a laugh. Always good to know a lot of people are feeling the same way haha.

I'm feeling especially cheery right now, because I have accomplished so very much today. I'm on quite the little roll today if I do say so myself. I still have a lot to do. I want to have our house all together and all the goodwill stuff seperated and gone when Zack gets home. The majority of May is dedicated to getting the house deep cleaned. Top to bottom. I've got a pretty good start. Then I just realized Zack and I are going to be leaving town basically as soon as he gets home... well, still. It's a good thing to get done. We need to do a lot of downsizing. I have all sorts of junk I need to get rid of.

Also, now that my Doula Certification workshop is paid for I'm feeling the rush to get all of the reading material read. I have like 10 more books I need to read in order to feel prepared. But, I am so excited. It's one of few things that I can think of when I'm super bummed and still get super excited.

So, in the spirit of the blogger tradition "Wordless Wednesday" That so many of my blogiverse friends do, I am ending this super wordy post with some fun pictures of Zack and I on the beach that I had previously planned for my Wordless Wednesday post.


Saturday, May 21, 2011

Happy Armed Forces Day!

Today I am extra proud to be the wife of a sailor in the United States Navy! Hooyah!

Be sure to thank a service member today!

Friday, May 20, 2011

Mr. Piggy

That's where we keep our tooth brushes. On the bathroom mirror. Mine's in the monkey. We're very mature and grown up.
I just cleaned my bathroom and cleaned the mirror off and put both the piggy and the monkey back on the mirror. I decided today I'm just not going to change anything. I'm going to deal with this like it's just a vacation. He's just on vacation.
My brother said to pretend he's at fat camp. Just fat camp. Ha.

Zack needs fat camp. hahaha

Today the high in Bahrain was 102. Insane.
I skyped with Zack for a long time today. He always thinks the best time to skype me is at 7am our time, when i'm sleeping. He called today and I told him I was going to shower while he called his Ma. So I got out of the shower and sat on my couch chatting with him in a towel. Then, as usual, he introduced me to someone he knows. While my hair was wet, I had no makeup on. I had no CLOTHES on. Silly boy. He's lucky I love him so very much.
After I put clothes on he and his friend also held their computer monitors and webcams together so "The wives" could meet. Ha. At least I was clothed.

Yesterday was a really hard day for me. I have definitely had more good days or ok days, than I have had bad days since he left. That's for sure. But, yesterday was definitely bad. I cried until I was exhausted but I still couldn't sleep. Nothing could have prepared me for how much I miss him is all.
I know I'm not being "strong" enough for some people, but those people suck. That is all.

Today has been a good day!  A little retail therapy always helps =)
Also, my tuition payment has been received and I will be a certified professional Doula by the end of the summer! Woohoo!

I have to get back to cleaning kiddies, I'm so glad we had this chat!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Quick Update

I love this picture =)
I'm so glad my geeky husband and my geeky brother get along so well.

It makes me immeasurably happy that my whole family loves Zack.

My Dad especially...
My Dad and Zack dancing at my cousin Jen's wedding reception

My Dad and Zack sharing a Margarita.

I can't tell you how happy it makes me.

I miss hanging out with all of us together. We usually hang out all the time. Sigh.

Zack is doing well! We both get sad when it's time to sleep alone, but outside of that we are both doing pretty well. He is staying optimistic, only 51 weeks left =)
Today he had to shoot and he had an inspection so I'm waiting to hear from him. In fact, I probably would have heard from him this morning if Lucy behaved like a normal animal and didn't chew on my phone charger all night.

Just thought I'd get everyone a quick update. Nothing too exciting =)
Later Gators!

Monday, May 16, 2011

The Half I Will Not Miss

Just for this post, I'm going to try not to mention how much I miss my love. Because I do. It feels like half of me is missing. But, for this post I want to discuss with you amazing readers, how much I would like an actual half of me to be missing.

One of the only posititve things about having a year to myself is that it leaves me with lots of time for self improvement.

In the last 3 or 4 months I have started a post titled "Who says a girl can't gain one or two hundred pounds before her husband leaves for a year?", that I have never finished. For obvious reasons. It's a non-starter.
However, I have felt the need to address my quite obvious weight gain (as has my father.. often).
I am a stress eater. I wont deny it.
I have gained a backstreet boy more than I ever intended to weigh.

I'm hoping it's just one of the little ones... 

I am all sorts of motivated, and now that he's gone and I'm here to sulk in my sadness I am not eating much. Which is my usual pattern. It hasn't been a week yet and I bet I've lost 5 or 6 pounds. I don't know how many actual pounds because I haven't been on a scale and looked at the number in years. Literally.
Which means I don't know if i've gained a backstreet boy, or a backstreet man. Regardless, I want to be a much smaller human when Zack gets home next May.

So, here's my problem. I have no idea how to lose weight. I won't work out by myself, especially on base. It's just not happening. When I do go to a gym, I play on a treadmill or an eliptical. Which I guess is better than nothing. I am acquiring a treadmill tomorrow.

I tried to go to a weight watchers meeting the day after Babe left, but I just wasn't ready to leave the house yet.
Me not attending the meeting gave my uber-obnoxious, hypocritical, father (who I love dearly) plenty of ammo. You have no idea how stressful my weight gain has been for him. Sarcasm.
He told me instead of going to weight watchers he would pay for me to be hypnotised to eat better. I am a believer in hypnotism, because it helped my mom to finally quit smoking. However, she knew how to stop smoking beforehand. I, on the other hand, have no idea how to lose weight. I don't think they can hypnotise to know how to do something. Motivate me, sure. Im already pretty motivated, it is the knowledge of an actual weight loss plan that I am lacking.
I mean, eat right, workout, essentially work off more calories than you take in. Gotcha. But I feel like I need a plan. I don't really know how to eat right.

I have always been a big girl. Curvy. But never lacked attention. I had, and have, fantastic boobs, and great curves. I'm thick.
I have always ate junk, and a lot of fruits and veggies, and stayed relatively the same size. Until this year.
Awesome, yeah?

So I need help. I've considered everything. What worked for you? Have you lost weight? I'm dying to know what everyone else recommends. Undoubtedly, you will all comment on my facebook page instead of here, and that is fine- I'd just really like your feedback.
Lemme know.

Love you guys =)

Saturday, May 14, 2011

So Sleepy I'm Delirious

I am tired of not sleeping. Actually I am EXHAUSTED from not sleeping. I am so tired of being sad.
I have been trying not to be so negative. It is definitely hard.
I was ok all day, but I was almost asleep just now and forgot momentarily the situation and thought for a second I would find Zack to hug him. I just want to hug my husband.
Ugh. I know that everyone is tired of reading about what a whiner I am, but I need an outlet.

I am so glad Zack doesn't hate Bahrain. That would be so much worse.

He has his first day of work tomorrow, and I am so excited for him! Isn't that exciting?
Despite the fact that I am a wreck, I am so very excited for all of the new fun things he is experiencing. I have done my fair share of world traveling, and I know that even though he will be homesick this experience will be so much fun for him.

He's such a sweet man.
When we were in Florida we had so much fun. I've never met someone who appreciates things the way Zack does. We went to Gatorland one day and Zack's mouth was wide open the entire time. When I probably would have just went through the motions, instead I enjoyed it so much. Same with Seaworld. It was unbelievable how much fun we had in Florida. He is that kind of person.

So what if I cropped myself out, don't judge me.
This is us with real life gators at gatorland.
We paid extra to get to feed them.
It's a picture of a picture, but they really are real, we were that close!

When he called me while he was boarding his first international flight and told me that there was "like 8 seats across" in the plane and practically giggled telling me about the tv's on the plane and how they would probably serve dinner, it suddenly hit me that I am so excited for him.
I look forward to every phone call, because even though he is sad, he is always so stoked to fill me in on what's going on (and because I love to talk to him, of course).

His roomie in Bahrain is also married, and he found someone there who he went to bootcamp with.
He said it's unbelievably hot. The high there is usually like 100 to 111. It's obscene.
Still no internet though. I've been able to talk to him on the phone multiple times now, and that will work for now.

I can't wait for this stupid year to be over.
I'm excited for him, but I still just want to hug my husband.
Words can not express.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Thank Goodness For Chapped Lips

For some reason crying, and being an overall wreck, has given me very very chapped lips. Or maybe they were chapped before he left. I'm not really sure. Regardless, I haven't been more than a couple feet away from a chapstick in quite a while. My mouth is on fire.

Everything reminds me of Zack.
Lucy reminds me of Zack. The mailbox, the tv, the remote, the refrigerator, the ipod, the grocery store, his stuff everywhere, the car, my keys, our bed, the pictures all over our house, his tooth brush that he forgot, all the dumb things we bought in florida, forgetting to take the trash out this morning, setting the alarm at night on the house, Jimmy Johns, just to name a few. All of those things make me very sad. But chapstick, which has a special place in Zack and I's relationship, reminds me of Zack and makes me very happy.
Maybe I'm willing myself chapped lips.
The chapstick story, is one of my favorite Zack and Molly stories. It's one of our first stories. It's the only story of how painfully smooth drunk me is.

When our friend Doug was house and dog sitting and we all started hanging out together, our main activity as a team was binge drinking. Which for me, means binge vomitting. Which, means chapped lips in Mollyland.

At the end of a long night of drinking Zack and I (who were definitely flirting- but not really anything at that point) and Doug and Hay all ended up in one place, one pile really, to pass out. Zack was singing me Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson, because he's a sweet boy and he takes requests.

I was very drunk and needed my chapstick, which was probably in my pocket, but at that moment I didn't posess the ability to find it. Doug always has chapstick, so I asked him if I could borrow his. He reached across the pile of bodies and handed it to me and I put it on for 40 to 50 seconds.
Yep, it was like that. Very attractive I'm sure.
Zack told me he needed some and asked me to put it on him, I'm sure to get me to stop attempting to put it on myself. I tried, I did. His chin looked very chapped apparently. Then I gave the chapstick back to Doug. The next part is my favorite, because drunk me is so very smooth.

Zack said "You didn't even get any on my mouth!" and I replied "It's cool. You can have some of mine." And then my sweet future husband planted the sweetest, softest, drunk kiss right on my chapstick coated mouth.
Bow chicka wow wow... just kidding. I was way too drunk. After making a mental note to remember this moment forever and ever, I listened to Zack sing for about 10 more seconds and passed out holding Haley's hand.

I love chapstick.

I love Zack.
I miss him so much.

He's Safely in Bahrain!

That is all. He actually was yesterday, but blogger was being a jerk. So, yep, he's there. I've got to talk to him quite a bit actually. He's doing well =)

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Way To Go


I am so tired. I just want my sweet Hubs to be safe and done traveling.
I was supposed to have an I made it to Bahrain message by now.
Then a delay with a connecting flight, and bad planning by people higher than Zackery, left him stranded in an airport in VA at 1:30 this morning with no flight.
The worst part is that Zack won't be able to get a full nights sleep in a bed until like the 14th. That's 4 nights.

I miss him so very much.

Today, as promised, hasn't been nearly as terrible as yesterday was. I'm mostly having a hard time because things are in such disarray for him. When things get hard for Zackery, and I am close to him, I do whatever I can to make things easier. Because I love him. I feel helpless. It is exhausting.
I can't relax.
I will sleep like a baby once he gets there.

Zack bought me a new laptop and a new cell phone before he left, both are skype capable. I spend most of my time obsessively making sure they are both connected, with loud ringers. I would be devastated to miss an oppourtunity to see his face, or hear his voice.

He is so funny. He's making friends in smoke pits, and with the taxi drivers, and people in elevators. He's so friendly, my husband. Everyone loves him. I am immeasurably jealous of these smokers, taxi drivers, and elevator passengers. I want to be with him so badly. uuugh.

Welp. One day down.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Awful Suckful Day - Also, potentially life-saving advice.

I am angry and sad and frustrated and overwhelmed.

SN: This is probably not directed at you. I have the sneaking suspicion the directee's do not read my blog, or read for that matter. Zack and I have both been overwhelmed by the support from our family and friends. We love all of you so much.
I swear if one more person tells me to be strong, I will lose my mind. I am literally seconds away from fluffy bunny kicking crazy.
YOU be strong. Be strong next time you feel like you should tell me what you would do, be strong and don't give me your advice.

I know we will be fine.
I know he is going to come home safe.
I also know that for the next 359 days, give or take, I wont be able to be with him. I won't be able to go grocery shopping with him. I won't be able to watch movies with him. I won't be able to cuddle, or sleep with him.
I am so sad. I miss my husband.
I missed him before I got out of the airport. I sobbed the entire hour it took me to get out of the parking garage.

Isnt that special that you think that if you were in my position you could high-five your husband and gleefully skip to your car, I guess my husband and i just love each other more. Or maybe theres just something really wrong with you, or maybe theres just something really wrong with me. Regardless.

Going to the airport with my husband, and leaving without him absolutely killed me. I am devastated. We do everything together, and even driving home to our quiet house felt like I was being kicked in the stomach. And not just because our A/C conveniently went out last night, and the dog food in the kitchen is cooking in these temps, and smells awful.
I'm not being dramatic.
I miss him with my entire body.
I love him so much.
I hate this.

I hate it.

I know it's going to be ok. But today blows. I miss him so much.