6 Weeks Downiversary!

So, I'm totally over the whole deck of cards thing...

Welp. Another long week down.

It doesn't seem possible at all that it's been 6 weeks!

I definitely didn't know it would be this hard to adjust. It is. But, it is getting easier. I was just telling Zack that today. It's getting easier to be by myself so much. I miss him, but I can sleep a little more now. I don't cry myself to sleep every night.

There are still some nights when I do. But our sweet Hank is there to squeeze. Lucy is there to... attack me.

Things aren't perfect, but they're getting better. It's getting to be ok.

And I feel terrible about that. I know that's stupid, and I know Zack doesn't want me to be sad all the time. Honestly, I don't want it either. It's a subconcious thing. If it's getting easier that must mean that I'm learning to live without him, and that's where I'm not comfortable. I feel guilty. I don't want to learn to live without him, I don't want to stop missing him. I wont him to come home. I know it's stupid and I have to live my own life. I can't help it. I really wish I didn't feel that way.

But, it is getting easier.

I just wish he could come home. I miss him so much.

As it turns out not working for as long as I did, first because I didn't want to, and second so that I could spend time with Zack, is not helping me re-enter the workforce. I'm not particularly concerned about money, but it would be nice to have some sort of schedule. Good for my mental health, ya feel me?

I am losing weight like it's my job though, and that is a lot of fun. Even when I'm feeling absolutely terrible, it still makes me feel good to look at how my clothes are fitting. This week I found a pair of capri's I meant to return 2 months ago, because when I bought them I didn't try them on and when I got them home I couldn't even button them. This time they fit comfortably, even a little loose. After wearing them a couple of hours I definitely needed a belt.
I was so excited I almost peed.

Losing weight for me is definitely sort of a psychological experiment. When I eat right, and excercise, I feel good but there is a certain level of anxiety and compulsion that I feel the entire day. If I have a day where I cheat, even a little- were talking one cookie that I count the points for and still stay on my WW plan-, I am far more relaxed. I don't know what that's about.

I mean I do, I think it's pretty obvious. When I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing I obsess about it and it's all I can think about, therefore driving me slightly out of my mind. When I cheat, even if it's not really cheating, all the pressure of doing everything right is gone. I guess I just need to give myself a break.

I'm a douche.

Whatever it takes. It's working.

This whole flood thing is getting totally out of hand. I'm ready for it to be OVER. I don't want it to happen, but for goodness sake either do it or don't! Everyone is on edge. It's exhausting. The rumors are obscene. I certainly hope 98% of them are false.

I will say I can't help but find it rude and insensitive the way the local media is handling the whole situation. "Another small town in Iowa has been devastated by a breach in the levee. Now to Derek for more College World Series news." Are you joking?

I get it. This area needs the CWS, it makes everybody a lot of money. But if the city officials can say confidently "We are not going to allow the flooding to get to TD Ameritrade Park" why can't the city officials say "We are not going to allow the flooding to devastate everyone in the flood zones". Excuse me while my conspiracy theorist comes out, but I think something shady is happening here. There are military trucks, filled with uniformed National Guard, everywhere!

What is going on?!

The people in my area, and people MILES from the river, are being informed that we are in a level 1 alert. Level 1 Alert, as indicated by the paper work they gave me, is the threat of an unusual or slowly developing event that may impact a levee system or a flood protection system. So, basically level 1 is them telling us "something is going to happen". So, why in the world has it not been mentioned ONCE on the news?! I can only imagine that it is thousands of people who have been informed, by CITY OFFICIALS, going door to door and no one has said word one about level one.

Unacceptable.

Also, on the paperwork given to me there is a number that you can call to be signed up for a phone call if and when there is an emergency type issue. I can only imagine this is available because they won't mention it on the news. I called the number Sunday, when I was notified, to sign up... angrily. Get this, though... they're not OPEN ON SUNDAYS! No one is available to answer the phone on Sundays. Let's all cross our fingers the levee's work extra hard on Sundays.

I just called them again (written Monday) , to get signed up and the lady said "If you have internet, you could just sign up online.". Well color me foolish, I suppose I could have read that in the paperwork... only that IS NOT IN ANY OF THE PAPERWORK?! I hate to complain, I know they have tough jobs, but I feel like this situation is not being handled well by our city officials. The lady was like " I know it's not on any of the information being given out. I don't know why it's not on any of those papers.". Me either, lady. Me either.
I am annoyed.

I am packing.

I am missing my husband.

Best I can do, I suppose.

Other than my obvious distaste for this situation, I am doing better. I do miss my husband like crazy. I love him so much, and I think this situation would be much easier if he was here. But, I am learning to be strong. I am learning to kick this deployments ass one day at a time. One week at a time. One month at a time. Next thing you know all of this will be a bad memory and Zack and I will live happily ever after on top of a hill hundreds of miles from any water source :]

Thank you for going through this journey with me you guys. You're all so fantastic!

One Month Downski

I can't believe it's been a month.... since I shaved my legs.

Just kidding.

I've shaved my legs at least once in there somewhere.

A month of barely sleeping. A month of never being more than 2 feet away from my phone. A month of missing my husband with my whole heart.

Let me tell you  something super sappy i've learned.

I've learned that I am absolutely crazy about my husband. I love him more than I even knew before he left, and even then people were annoyed by how much we loved each other.
Like that song "I thought I loved you then", I know that's totally cheesy, but seriously. It is so true.

The day I married Zack I remember thinking "This is the best day. My heart is so full of love for this man. I have never felt anything like this before. This is it. This love is what everyone looks for." Then on our one month anniversary I thought, "This is the love everyone looks for, I can't believe how much more I love him than I did just a month ago. My heart is so full. I am so happy." Then on our one year anniversary, just a little over a month ago, fearing this deployment could damage our relationship, I made a mental note "Molly, remember how much you love your husband at this moment. Your heart is so full. You are so blissfully happy. You are so lucky. This love, is unlike anything I've ever felt before. Never let your love for him be any less than it is at this very moment. He loves you so much. You are so lucky.". Little did I know...

Then here we are today. One month since he left. One year, one month, and 3 days since we got married. I am so overwhelmed with how much I feel for Zack. I can't believe how speaking to him changes my mood and my day. I can't believe the way my body physically aches to be close to him. It's amazing to me that even with everything going on and all the things that suck about this I can still step back, even if just for a moment, and realize how lucky I am to have a love like ours.

I know, sappy Sally. But, seriously, I can't get over it. I'm so in love with my husband.

I never thought I would be one of those women who is this proud of their husband. I am one of those people who has I Love My Sailor magnets on their car. I search the internet for the most perfect custom "Proud Navy Wife" decal for my brand new car. I want to shake the hands of random service members, they feel like brothers of my husband. I want to hug their wives, and tell them how strong and amazing they are.

All because I am so over-the-top in love with, and proud of, my husband.
I will work really hard to remember how this feels. How it feels right now to be sitting in our house by myself while he sleeps thousands of miles away. I'll remember and work hard to never take a moment with him for granted. I can't wait to appreciate his dirty socks everywhere.

Of course I've learned a lot since he left about us, and communicating, and our relationship. What's important to tell him and what isn't. But we're getting the hang of it. Even though it is totally suckful, we're going to get through this.

We are lucky and blessed.

I can't wait to be that close to him again =]

***It's easier than ever to comment on these posts! Please leave a comment =]***

Taking The Bad With The Good

I am in a fantastic mood today, considering.

Considering my house is more than likely going to be under 3 to 4 feet of standing water by the end of the month, and I am being forced to pack all of my most important worldly belongings. I am feeling confident that I'm going to be able to get out all of the things that really matter to Zack and I, as well as most of the stuff that doesn't. If my house is unlivable, which it will obviously be if it floods even a little, I have a place to go that I can take my Hank and Lucy, and all of our stuff, for free. Which is exciting since I will still get my housing allowance, and I will have enough money to replace any necessities that I may not move.

This is all fantastic news.

However, I am super excited because today was my second weigh in with Weight Watchers. I have officially been on "the plan" for 2 full weeks and I have already lost 7.4 pounds! Woot! I received my 5 pound weight loss milestone today and I am thrilled. I have also lost multiple inches. I am elated. I can't believe how easy this is. I can't believe how close I am to my first goal, it is insane. At this rate I will reach my goal weight well before Zack gets home. I just need to stay motivated, and I really don't think that's going to be a problem.

I am already looking at cute little outfits to wear to pick Zack up from the airport. It's so exciting.

I know 7.4 pounds doesn't seem like much in 2 weeks, but this isn't really a diet, it's the way I will learn to eat for the rest of my life. People on weight watchers generally lose 1 to 2 pounds a week. I have a total of 50 weeks since I started Weight Watchers to the time Zack gets home, 1 or 2 pounds a week works pretty perfectly since I'm not trying to lose 100 pounds.

That was exactly what I needed to get me out of my funk. I have been pretty sad lately. But today I feel good. Even though I still miss Zackery like crazy.

I HATE packing and moving though. I have always hated it. It always feels messy and unorganized. So in that arena, I could definitely use some motivation. It is not fun.

I'm being told if it floods even a little bit they will shut off the power to our area. Since it is almost a certainty that it will flood at least a little bit I feel like I should start moving my stuff as soon as possible so that I don't end up moving stuff, especially big stuff, from my house in the 10 zillion degree heat.

Because the heat here is not playing around. It is as hot here this week as it is in Bahrain. It's insane. Anyone who has ever moved or helped someone move, knows that the only thing worse than moving someone in the middle of the subzero temp winter, is moving someone in the middle of the my skin is cooking temps in the summer. So, It's sort of a hurry up and wait game now. Good thing I'm so used to that.

So, there's that.

I want to briefly mention to all of you how bummed I was this morning, however.
WAIT! It's not what you think.
This morning I wanted to donate Lucy's old litter box to the animal shelter, because I just got a sweet new one that requires minimal poop touching. I got there a little early and while I was sitting in the parking lot I saw a family, with their 2 small children in the car, bringing their cat and kittens to be dropped off.
It is kitten season and the shelter is PACKED with homeless cats and kittens. If you bring your cat in with it's kittens right now you should feel confident that at least half of them will not make it out. They're just too full. So don't be an ass and take your cat and kittens to the shelter. Spay and Neuter your animals, first and foremost. But if you're too lazy and irresponsible to do that, at the very least, it is your responsibility to take care of your family pets offspring, and make sure they all have loving and responsible homes to go to.
How can someone take their pet to the pound like they're returning a library book? I can't understand it. Lucy is psychotic. She is rarely a joy to be around. She is mean to everyone besides Zack and I, and really that's only if she's having a good day. She believes, firmly, that her mission in life is to attack and kill everything in our home. Even on her very worst day, I have never seriously considered taking her to the pound. Because she's my responsibility. Zack and I adopted her and I owe it to her to stick it out no matter how psychotic she turned out to be, and love her even if she will only let me pet her 2 or 3 times a day.

Lucy helping me pack.

So don't be stupid.
It breaks my heart.

Ew. Ew. Ew. What An Exciting Life

Is it sad that I am super excited that my landlord told me he has graduation parties all weekend and won't be able to come mow my lawn? My landlord is a relatively nice man, enjoyable even. I like him.
But, everyone who has ever rented a property ever in their lives knows that there is a certain level of anxiety that comes with knowing your landlord is coming to your house. My landlord mows for me, for a small fee, and I have found he can come anywhere from once every 3 days to once every 7 days. He's busy, so he can't really say for sure when he will be here. Which is why I also like it when it's raining, because I feel like I can relax.
I'm not hiding a meth lab or anything. I'm just messy, and I forget to pick up all the dog poop, or I'm not wearing a bra and my curtains are open. He's seen me looking pretty rough.
He also works with my Dad, and they are friends. So I know that if something is too out of the ordinary here I will hear it from my pops as well. So, I'm on edge often. Right around 3:30 every day when they get off work, until it gets to be too late for mowing. lol. It's pathetic really.
I should be medicated. More.

**Fair Warning: The rest of this post is kind of gross, and sort of long. But it's very funny, and it has pictures, and not of anything gross, and everybody loves pictures!**

Today I am doing more cleaning. Mostly dog vomit, because Hank is having allergy issues, apparently. Yesterday the lawn was mowed, and he always pants himself sick when the grass is mowed because he is apparently very allergic to cut grass. I feel for him because I have terrible allergies also, but I don't puke on the floor. He's also very nervous about where Zack has been and isn't getting a lot of sleep since he is constantly looking for him. I feel ya, Hank.
As you can see, not only is my life very exciting, it's also immensely glamorous.
Yesterday I had to pick up all the dog poop, which I hadn't done in several days. It was horrifying and I couldn't help but laugh thinking about Zack.

Zack hates dog poop. He has serious dog poop fear. Child hood trauma or something. He's a big baby.
When he first moved in with me, and he and my Dad turned into bff's my Dad started addressing Zack concerning all matters of lawn and Dog care. This included Hank poop.
Even though I offered multiple times to continue picking up the poop, or paying someone else to do it, he insisted that it was his responsibility. Per my Dad.
The first day he went out to pick it up he insisted I stand on the front porch and talk to him while he did it, to distract him.
It was hilarious.
Every once in a while he would smell something and gag and gag and gag. Then get so mad at me for cracking up. It was hilarious.
The icing on the cake was when Hank, casually walked up right beside him and made more of a mess for him to pick up. I think Hank was laughing too.
I knew that day, watching Zack pick up Hank mess and gag, all the while covered in Hank's hair, that he was my soul mate. If he could be with me and love Hank and rarely complain about owning the sweetest, sheddiest dog in the world, and pick up after him, he must really love us. And he does. So much.

But, Hank is one thing, and other peoples dogs are another.
When Zack and I drove to Florida before he left for Bahrain, we drove because my Grandma needed to get her dogs and car back there so she could spend some time in the house she has there.

Scooter, My grandma's yorkie, sleeping on Zacks shoulder.

Patsy, My Grandma's Wheaton Terrier, laying on my Grandma's stuff while we drove.

We loved driving down there. 25 hours, and all. Because Zack and I love to spend time together. But honestly, while we loved it and got to see lots of cool things, and make memories we will never forget, our trip started off pretty shitty. Literally.

We stopped every once in a while to eat and let the dogs out, or if we saw signs for something cool Zack we wanted to see.

Giant Superman statue in Metropolis, for example =]

It was super fun, and the dogs were pretty well behaved that first day.

Except for the incident at Sonic. Patsy was barking herself into a heart attack because 2 motorcycles drove up. Patsy loves motorcycles because she associates them with my Dad, who she loves more than life. Even after allowing Patsy to talk to the very nice bikers to show her they were not in fact my father, she continued to bark and completely freak out.

I decided to put her in the car since no one could order their food over her obnoxious barking.

I put her in the car, which the bikers parked right next to, and walked back to the table to grab my food and the bowl of water we had for the dogs, and then walked right back to the car to sit in there and eat with her while Zack and Scooter finished at the tables outside.

By the time I got back to the car, where I could hear Patsy barking and freaking out at the bikes still, she had lost her shit. Literally. Barked until she pooped right in the front seat. In less than a minutes time. Less than 30 seconds probably.

Zack was horrified.

He didn't even see it! For the rest of the day he talked about how disgusting it was that I picked it up with a napkin and put it in a fast food cup and threw it away. He was horrified. And it didn't even make the car stink.

That night we stopped in Tennessee and spent the night at a pet-friendly hotel.

Patsy and Scooter looking out the window at the hotel

That morning we woke up and Zack went down to smoke and get some breakfast. When he came back, he was excited, and said that this hotel had terrible breakfast but was extremely pet friendly, and that he met someone downstairs who had kept 3 llamas in their room the night before and they were outside now. I had to go see them, so we spent about an hour walking the dogs outside and seeing the llamas. Plenty of time for them to do their business before we got on the road, we thought. 

 I know it's a terrible picture of the llamas, but we couldn't get too close, we didn't want to scare them.

We got on the road as soon as we were done walking the dogs, and totally forgot our drinks in the hotel room. Zack started complaining that he was dying of thirst after about 3 minutes. So we pulled off when we saw a sign that said last exit 50 miles and let the dogs out at dunkin donuts, and got some Tennessee sweet tea that we were pretty excited about. So, basically that morning the dogs had been in the car for abour 15 minutes so far.

We were back on the road, and I wasn't stopping until someone was begging me. I'm sort of a male like that. It was early, Zack would fall asleep, as would the dogs, and I would drive until they woke up. 

I had JUST set the cruise control when Zack started saying "I think Scooter is squatting, I think he's gonna go to the bathroom!". I was laughing because he is so paranoid and told him we had just had him out, it wasn't possible he still had to go. Then Zack started to scream "Scooter stop! Stop! Scooter! Molly, pull over!!" He was indeed pooping on all of grandma's stuff we were taking cross country for her. And as Zack screamed Scooter walked and dragged it across the rest of the stuff.  

Zack started gagging, I started cracking up. I have worked at daycares, and I volunteer at the animal shelter, and foster puppy mill dogs, poop is not nearly as horrifying to me.

We had just passed the sign that said we had 50 miles to go til there was anything that could be done about it. We had also just cleaned out the car and threw away all the napkins, there was nothing to clean it up with.

I was dying laughing. It smelled... unfavorable. Zack was trying to roll down the window, and Patsy immediately started trying to jump out. It was unbelievably funny. The window was rolled down one inch and Zack's entire face was sticking out of it screaming at me how we needed to pull over to the side of the (very busy dangerous) road THAT MINUTE. I was trying to explain that there was nothing we could do and we would just have to tough it out for 48 more miles. I almost peed my pants I was laughing so hard.

He made me clean all of it up when we finally got pulled over. It was also all over Scooter, and he wouldn't even hold him while I sprayed him with water out of a bottle I borrowed from the gas station that said "toxic",  and wiped his tiny furry butt off. He gagged the entire time.

My husband the U.S. Navy Sailor.

Oh, silly Zack. I miss him so much that dog poop reminds me of him.

What an exciting, and glamourous life.

I couldn't be happier to live the rest of it with my sweet Hubs.

I know that was a really long and gross post lol... but whatev. I thought it was hilarious and Zack will laugh when he reads it =] Sorry if we grossed you out!

Love you!

Awful Suckful Day - Also, potentially life-saving advice.

I am angry and sad and frustrated and overwhelmed.

SN: This is probably not directed at you. I have the sneaking suspicion the directee's do not read my blog, or read for that matter. Zack and I have both been overwhelmed by the support from our family and friends. We love all of you so much.
I swear if one more person tells me to be strong, I will lose my mind. I am literally seconds away from fluffy bunny kicking crazy.
YOU be strong. Be strong next time you feel like you should tell me what you would do, be strong and don't give me your advice.

I know we will be fine.
I know he is going to come home safe.
I also know that for the next 359 days, give or take, I wont be able to be with him. I won't be able to go grocery shopping with him. I won't be able to watch movies with him. I won't be able to cuddle, or sleep with him.
I am so sad. I miss my husband.
I missed him before I got out of the airport. I sobbed the entire hour it took me to get out of the parking garage.

Isnt that special that you think that if you were in my position you could high-five your husband and gleefully skip to your car, I guess my husband and i just love each other more. Or maybe theres just something really wrong with you, or maybe theres just something really wrong with me. Regardless.

Going to the airport with my husband, and leaving without him absolutely killed me. I am devastated. We do everything together, and even driving home to our quiet house felt like I was being kicked in the stomach. And not just because our A/C conveniently went out last night, and the dog food in the kitchen is cooking in these temps, and smells awful.
I'm not being dramatic.
I miss him with my entire body.
I love him so much.
I hate this.

I hate it.

I know it's going to be ok. But today blows. I miss him so much.

Psych

About a month ago Zack and I went with the family to a psychic. At first we were both totally sceptic and even a little bit resistant, since we are both Christian and psychic's are sort of looked at, well badly, by a lot of Christians. But this woman told my Mom 20 years ago that she was pregnant with a little boy before my mom even knew she was knocked up. She predicted that an important man in my Aunt Mary's life was going to pass away shortly before my Grandpa died. She predicted my cousin Angie would get pregnant with a little boy, he is yet to make an appearance but anatomy scans show she's right. She's predicted lots of things I can't remember right now. She's scary good.
So we went.
Or I went, and Zack was forced. Whatev.
On mulitple occasions that day Zack and I had discussed the number 23 and how we thought it was good luck, so when my Mom called to tell me she had already bought my turn with the psychic and that I was number 23, I instantly felt like that was a good sign.
Zack was number 25, so I went first... obviously.
I had no idea what to expect and I was concerned she would tell me something awful, or be mean to me, or tell me to take my hair out of the knotted pony tail it was in (which she did to my cousin Stacy just a few turns before mine). Any of those things would have sent me running from the facility crying and sucking my thumb.
I was pleasantly surprised when it was finally my turn, when I walked up to a crazy-fun-aunt looking type, who seemed genuinely excited to see me.
I told her how excited and nervous I was and she asked if she had ever seen me before. I told her no, I was there with my Mom and My Aunt and Husband, and Cousin, but that I had never been before. She gave me a generic pink pen to give to whomever brought me with them, which seemed odd. Then I wrote my name on a piece of paper and thus began my "reading".
The first thing she said to me was "Are you pregnant?". "No." I told her. "Well it's unlikely, I don't think so, no. no. I'm not. Unfortunately." She smiled at me and said "What's your daughter's name?".
"Uh, no daughter. No kids yet. Unfortunately."
"Really? hm."
At this point I was disheartned. We were 0 for ... what, like 3? I dont know. I was bummed. Then she said "Where is your husband going?"
"What? What do you mean?" I stuttered, shocked.
"Where's he going? I want to tell you he's going to be safe."
Aaaand tears. Here I am in a bar, talking to a psychic, trying not to cry.
"He is? Thank you for telling me that, he's being stationed in Bahrain in May. Without me."
"Well, he will be safe." She assured me and touched my hand.
"Are you all trying to get pregnant before he leaves?" She asked me. This is a common question and usually when people ask I can feel them judging our decision and I feel I have to justify it.
"We're not trying, not preventing. We would love to get pregnant but we've been trying for a while now and it hasn't happened, so..." I stammered.
"Well, in your 25th year, you will have a healthy baby."
I'm 24. My birthday is in October. Que more tears... I'm a blubbering idiot ok?
"Yeah? That would be amazing. I would love that."
All of these quotes are freaking me out. Without anyone suffering through anymore conversation, here's the rest of what she told me.
She said that I needed to be in the health field, but not a "traditional" health career. Hm. Since I'm training to be a Doula, I thought that was very interesting.
She told me that I needed to try to save some money because while Zack was gone or after my pregnancy (if I got pregnant before he left) I was going to lose a lot of weight and need a new wardrobe. Well, sounds good to me.
She told me my husband is crazy about me. And a few other things I felt I already knew, like that my husband and I would have 2 babies a boy and a girl and we would all live a happy life together.
Our time together (about 7 minutes) was ending and I stood up to leave. As I did she said "Wait, I just got this, you'll be pregnant before he leaves. Go home and have lots of sex. Take a prenatal every day until you get pregnant. You're going to be pregnant before he leaves." Aaaand more tears. She also said that I needed to stop putting my body down. No baby wants to enter a condemned body, she informed me. Then she wrote down some words for me to live by, and repeat to myself often, "I honor my body as a vehicle of God".
And I do. I honor my body as a vehicle of God.

Wouldn't that be just the best? To be pregnant before he left? Ugh. I'd love it.
So we stopped on the way home and bought prenatals and I've been taking them every day since. With my fingers crossed and my legs in the air. Too much? ha.

Here's a rundown of what she told Zack about 10 minutes after she talked to me.
We were sitting across the bar, so it's not impossible that she knew he was my husband.*
The first thing she said to him was that he was super "potent" and fertile right now.
Also that in about 5 months we would feel and be financially stable- that's about 3 months in to his duty in Bahrain.
She said that he was going to have a little boy, with his wife (me, ha), and be a little league coach. She also told him (what I already knew) That he's going to be a great Daddy =)
Also, apparently we are going to Europe at some point, and having LOTS of sex there.
She said in 14 months she saw real estate, maybe an acreage, come into our lives.
And finally she said he may get a phone call from a female family member concerning a womens health issue, but that it would all work out, and everyone would be ok.

All in all we both thought it was very cool and we're hoping for the best. I believe I will get pregnant before he leaves =) Because my body is a vehicle of God. And I honor it.

I have a whole lot of netflix and dishes to catch up on today so I better get on with that.

Have a spectacular day readers, I love your faces!

Oh yeah! - I'd like to wish a very happy birthday to my Mommy, who is the very best mom anyone could ask for. This picture illuminates where I get my drinking tolerance - or lack thereof.

And to my sweet beautiful niece Kenzie Rae. Happy 4th Birthday peanut butter and jelly sandwich!

Alfred Had Nothing On Ankaboot

One of my major concerns about when Zack is gone is my lack of a spider killer. Every year in the fall, well all 2 of them, that I've been in this house the spider problem is terrifying. From the windows in our house we can see the bigger than a half dollar size spiders crawling around in the bushes in front of the house.
When it was just Haley and I the spiders inside the house were a much much larger issue. I don't know why. They were EVERYWHERE. We had this super massive lint roller (read: intense dog hair problem) that looked like a paint roller. It was on a super long extendable poll thingy. Haley and I rolled several spiders from a safe 6 feet away while screaming and hopping like lunatics. It was touch and go, and I made the landlord hire someone to spray, but we lived.
Last year we met Alfred.
Alfred was a spider the size of a hamster. He was big enough that I knew his name from reading his name tag. He came to terrify me by building a web right in front of my living room windows every night, that reached just close enough to the porch banister that I thought Hank would get caught in it. Every night he looked at me through the window while I shook, with all 100 of his creepy little eye balls. For months he showed up every night around 6pm and was gone, web included, by the time I woke up in the morning. Sneaky little bastard.
I'm pretty sure Alfred had to work very early in the morning, so he had to pack it up and get their on time. Thank God Hay and I made such a spectacle of spider killing, because I think Alfred heard about it. Which is why he never let me catch his big ass in my house.
Regardless, Alfred was something I talked about on facebook on the regular. His presence, even outside, haunted me. All of my friends were aware of Alfred and when Zack was home he and his friends would stand on the porch and smoke while I stared at Alfred hoping the second hand smoke would cause him to contract an illness. This went on for months, and Zack refused to put out a hit on the little bastard because he said he ate the mosquitoes and other bugs and that Alfred was probably the reason that we didn't really have an indoor spider problem. This theory was of no consequence to me, and gave me nightmares about him eating smaller spiders. It was horrifying.
Then came what should have been D day for Alfred, but what turned out to be the day I wanted to burn the house down and build a new one, and move out of it just for good measure.
Zack and Doug had been drinking, and I had a headache, so I went to bed at about midnight. When Zack smokes he usually leaves the front door open, because he likes to talk to the people in the house. Even when there's no one in the living room, out of habit, he leaves the door open. Meaning I could hear went on that night.
I like to listen to the drunken ramblings of my husband and his friends because they're absolutely silly. That night they were discussing using my spray deodorant and a lighter to, essentially, blow torch Alfred. I immediately yelled out to tell them I did not want them to burn the house down, and I was pretty sure if they lit him on fire he would just run his humungous flaming ass into the house to call 911. It was a disaster in the making, and I advised against it.
Well, like a lot of the things I advise drunk people against, they decided this was the best plan of action and I was too tired to deal with the nonsense. I crossed my fingers and fell asleep.
The next thing I know, probably about 10 minutes later, I heard women screaming outside at the top of their lungs. They were screaming and yelling "Under the stair! Move the stair!" And then more loud squealing screams. The women sounded like they were being chased by a tiger and I thought maybe Zack and Doug caught the neighbors house on fire and the girls who live next door ran out only to be greeted by a flaming Alfred. In that case the screaming made sense. So I jumped up and ran out to the living room to see what was happening.
To my surprise the only women yelling were Zack and Doug. And they were doing the familiar spider killing hop and scream that Haley and I had done. They were standing in the yard trying to gain control of their flailing limbs when I came out. It was hilarious, but I was relieved because I assumed that, like when Hay and I did the hop and scream, Alfred had seen his last days.
Alas, I was incorrect.
Apparently what had happened was that they had set Alfred's web ablaze and Alfred casually hopped on to the ground (when the woman screaming began). My brave USN Sailors then moved the single cement stair next to the porch to 'get him' and just as they did... a SNAKE slithered out from underneath. Causing the hilarious limb flailing and my sudden urge to burn the house down.
Why me?? WHY ME??
That was the day I discovered my husband is also scared of spiders. And snakes. Maybe not to my extent, he could still take them out sober in broad day light with a shoe, but he was definitely a little frightened of MASSIVE man spiders when intoxicated, and he doesn't like snakes much either.

** Side note** Alfred showed up again several days later, only this time he was more aggressive and hung from the screen door. 

I locked Zack out of the house and told him he could live in it again when he got rid of Alfred. I recorded the Shoe Vs Spider showdown, and on that glorious day the Shoe won.  

The snake, or rather a snake, met it's match with the lawn mower a few days after that.****

Welp.

Today my mom sent me a message about how my brother saw something on the Discovery Channel about massive spiders in Bahrain. So I did some googling... holy shit.

Meet Ankaboot (spider in Arabic)

I hate the idea of not being with Zack, but I have never ever been so happy to not be going to Bahrain with him before in my LIFE. Holy balls.

You may now take pause and itch all over.

I wont post any more terrible pictures of Bahraini spiders here. Google it though, if you're brave. They're massive. And they're aggressive.

I'm going to put the Shoe Vs Spider showdown on a DVD for Zack to take with him to Bahrain. If he's smart he will play it on a loop in his barracks so that the spiders tell their spider friends what a spider killing badass Zack is.  

You and I will know the truth, but they don't need to know. 

I've Got... Readers... In Different Area Codes

Let me show you all something super cool.

United States 864

Canada 51

South Korea 47

India 18

United Arab Emirates 10

Russia 5

Slovenia 5

Germany 4

Denmark 4

Bahrain 4

When you blog, at least on blogger, you can see all sorts of really cool statistics about where your readers are from, what posts they're reading, how they got to your blog and etc. Above is my audience from the last month. 864 readers in the United states in a month, is enough to be pretty excited about. I think it's pretty cool anyway. I wont lie though, it's pretty crazy for me to think about people in other countries reading about my craziness.
Most of my readers are military wives and girlfriends, and that's pretty sweet. We're a cool group, and we're all over the world. It's safe to assume a lot of my foreign readers are the women who make sure our husbands are awake on time to go save the world.
Even though I mention Bahrain pretty frequently, it's safe to say my Bahrain readers are all Zack's friend Brian who is currently stationed there.
It's like having pen pals all over the world.

This means when the husband goes to Bahrain I can see whether or not he's reading my ramblings. It's important that he does.

Speaking of Zack. He is on base doing some out processing paper work. It makes me a little ill I won't lie. I hate the idea of him processing out of Offutt. I like our lives here. Because we are here. Here, we are still a we. We go do things.
This morning (at an unreasonably early 7am) Zack was upset with me because I didn't want to get up and rush around to get ready to go to the dentist with him. I kept asking him, from bed, why he wanted me to go and he absolutely broke my heart when he said "because we do everything together. We're lovers. We're buddies. We're best friends." But by then, it was too late for me to go. So I stayed home and felt guilty about not going, and about sleeping so well after he left with only Hank in bed.
Blech.
He did it on purpose, I'm sure. And the dentist gave him a fat lip.

Welp. That's about all there is for today, kiddos. In the spirit of my worldly readership, leave a comment and let me know where you're from!

xoxo

All You Can Eat

I can not get enough of my husband lately. To the point that I may be driving him crazy. When he's awake everything's fine and when he's not at work everything is fine. I like him at a normal level. Like a normal person. But when he's sleeping or at work, I can't seem to tell him I love him enough. At least 20 times a day I have to go and bother kiss him while he's sleeping. I just know that my days are numbered with him before Bahrain. So if I think about kissing him or squeezing him even for a second. I do it. I just do. It doesn't matter what I'm doing.
I'm going to miss him so much.
What will I do without my all I can eat hugs??

Ugh. Anyways.

I've lost my keys. We rarely drive my car since it had 6 miles on it when I got it and I met Zack a month after that, and suddenly it has almost 20,000 miles on it less than 2 years later. Since I haven't been in my car since last Wednesday when Linny and I got sushi, your guess is as good as mine as to where they are. (Seriously, where do you think they are??) Since then, I have locked myself out of the house TWICE. Both times with Sam and Chelsea. Even after locking myself out twice, I didn't realize until yesterday that I have no earthly idea where they may be. This presents several problems.
The first being that there is no food in my house. Zack has a spare key to my car, so if I would just remember to get it from him before he leaves for work I could go buy groceries. But I don't remember. And I'm a terrible grocery shopper.

Not impossible.

So I'm cutting this post short, because ladies and gentleman, I am on a mission. I will find these keys. I'm going to go buy groceries and belly casting supplies. My cousin has graciously agreed to allow me to experiment with belly casting on her prego belly so that when I am a certified Doula, I can add belly casting to my services. I'm super excited to try it, and fairly confident that I will be amazing at it. I'll post pictures when it's done.

Okey Doke! Wish me luck!!

Oh, Man.

Welp.

There's a TON of stuff to go through in the packet still. To be clear the packet is virtual. It's not an actual packet. It's more like an email. Just called a packet, and it's all information about what he should expect as far as traveling to and living in Bahrain. We've known he was going to Bahrain for a long time (Since Septemberish), we being his friends and fam, and you all here on TGIMolly. This is just info.

Here's a fun fact from said "packet". With a tiny little 30 day quarantine when they got there and one when they got back, Zack could pretty easily Take Lucyfer with him to Bahrain. Then, she'd be like 2 when she came back, and just way more mellow I'm sure. I've discovered she's sweet and mellow overnight until about 7am or so, then crazy biter ninja-attack kitty comes out. She stays out pretty much all day, then returns to mega sweet cuddle baby around 8pm or so when she wants to sleep. Sigh. I hope that when I get a job I work the hours demon kitty is out.

So, obviously this is not the "Bahrain Part II" post. Instead it's a post about how that post still isn't ready. There's a lot of information in there though, and I need to get the post approved by the husband, since I can never quite tell what I can and can not share with the blogosphere without getting in trouble with the Navy. But the post's will come soon.

In the mean time I want to let everyone following my blog know how cool that is =) it's always exciting to see I have a new follower, especially if it's someone I never expected or even people I don't know. That rocks. I love doing this, and I hope that I can keep doing it forever. So I'm hoping you guys will keep reading.

I wanted to add another sweet video to todays post, because I am newly obsessed with homecoming videos. So here's another one, it will definitely make you cry.

Hold Please

Zack got his "Welcome to Bahrain packet". It made both of us sadder than we thought it would. While, I go through that information and put some of it together for a blog post, I thought I'd post a video for your enjoyment. (Thanks for sending me this Linny) I can't wait for homecoming. Man, I can't wait for homecoming.

I love this video, and the song is fabulous.

My Crazy

I have serious issues. I'm sure something is wrong with me, as usual.

I have had this strange lump at the top of my neck, under my chin kinda. It's like the size of a marble. It's been with me for over a year now, so it must not be anything super awful, but I'm sure I should have it looked at.

When I first discovered this mysterious addition I went to the internets, to some random Dr. site and frantically typed in "HELP" in the subject line and my issue in the body. Days later I got replies from people telling me it is probably a lymph node or (because I mentioned I suspected it) a result of some sort of infection from my tongue ring, maybe a cyst, etc. etc. I took out my tongue ring. I still think that's probably the cause but I don't know. 

I also texted hundreds of my friends and relatives with any medical experience to see if I was in trouble, they all told me I probably wasn't. And that was that.I had a legitimate medical issue,

I drive everyone crazy, with the internet. Thank goodness the internet exists or I probably wouldn't have any friends. 

Well, right now, at this stage of Hypochondria, I'd like to share this story with you. As most of you know, for a period of time Zack and I were trying to get pregnant. Basically in the time we thought we were going to be gone together. From around July to October I'd say. Unfortunately, we were unsuccessful. Or fortunately, if that's how you choose to see it. But at the time there was nothing that could keep me from constantly bothering my friend Chelsea, and my husband with questions. "Do you think my runny nose is an indicator? I'm having crazy dreams, I bet I am. I'm one to three minutes late, I'm sure this is it." How I wish it would have been it, but it wasn't and that's ok.

Well, last night I found myself frantically searching the interweb for an answer to a question, I'm sure a lot of people ask... I was in the bath tub and suddenly I realized, that as unlikely (extremely) as it is, there was a tiny possibility I could have been pregnant. So I found babygaga.com, as I frequently did when I wanted to be pregnant before, and I frantically asked a question under the subject "I'm sort of panicing... hot baths??", it read "So, I just took a super hot bath, which I do at least once a day to relax- my hubs is about to deploy- anyway while in the bathtub I realized I'm kind of 'late', I've been kind of cramping and it doesn't start, and today I had really mild chest pains, none of which are completely uncharachteristic for me, but there's still a chance my eggo might be prego   which would be awesome, as unlikely as it is. Anyway I'm concerned I was just boiling in the bathtub and boiling my (unlikely) unborn child?? Does anyone know if I just made a huge mistake?? I know its a no-no, but should I be freaking out? Thanks for your help!"

I'm embarassed. Of course, everyone told me I was fine. And I woke up this morning feeling really silly for even asking the question but an hour before I was crying over a Brodkeys commercial. I don't even surprise myself with my crazy any more.

This is what I'm dealing with here kids. My baby-fever is at an all time high, my hypochondria is at an all time high, my stress is at an all time high, lets be honest, my crazy is at an all time high. 

I cry about everything. My body is confused. Let me tell you why, my husband is leaving. It's not fair. I'm stressed, and I'm depressed, and I'm trying really hard to put a smile on all of it. Most days I am legitimately happy and feeling good about everything. But some days, like last night, I am a whack-job. 

But I'm ok. I'm going to be ok. 

Security

Alright. I had about 3000 super sad negative things to write about today. But I've stifled them. Instead I've decided to blog about how everyone keeps telling me I should worry about my impending house invasion and consequent attack while Zack is in Bahrain.
Here's the thing, I've lived by myself before. I have a big dog. A big 90 pound german shepherd mix, with big teeth. Hank. Scary right?
Wrong.
Does this look like a scary animal to you?

Holly and Hank Sleeping

Hank and Zack kissing

Doug and Hank Sleeping

He's the sweetest baby in the world 99.8% of the time. Unless you're a bunny, you're traveling down the street on a motorized wheel chair, you have a jimmy johns sandwich in your hand, you're hitting me, or you move to quickly and are not... um... caucasian... (he's a racist. I apologize. We've talked about it. He's working on it.) you're Hank's bestie. He loves everyone. He has a little bit of a nervous licking habit and will lick your hands off, or your face if you're close enough. And my little cousin Zach will testify that if you are sitting in the front seat of my car, he will ignore that you exist.

Exhibit A

He's a marshmellow.

Aside from one instance where Linny approached my door in the middle of the night and he acted like he might take her out, I have no reason to believe he would scare anyone away. He likes the mailman. When the mailman reaches our house, Hank relaxes and plays with him until he hands him a treat. 

So, the problem is, everyone thinks I'm going to be raped. Many of the people close to me are concerned that I am going to be unsafe by myself for a year. It is concerning, sure. But what am I going to do??

I have an alarm system on my home, it has however had issues connecting to the company that installed it. Meaning, unless there is a fire, the police are not always called. It's just a very loud annoying noise for a rapist to have to put up with until I put the code in or a neighbor calls the police, about 10% of the time. I have to hope that my intruder is also an arsonist if I want the alarm to really be 100% effective. But they don't know that. So, I've played in my head what I would say to them "Excuse me sir, that alarm system you hear,  yeah it just called the police. They should be here soon. I'm not playing. Go. Quit petting the dog. Scram bucko!".

Ineffective? Perhaps. I think I'll have that checked. 

Zack wants me to get a gun. Which I am absolutely not going to do. I don't want a gun in my home. It's too easy to have an accident. I'm pretty sure I'd just be providing the assailant a weapon. I have on occasion tried to give my husband a dose of his own fracking medicine and shoot him with his stupid nerf gun, he immediately apprehends said gun and I am pelted with dozens of tiny nerf bullets. It's annoying. I fear that with a real gun, the outcome with an intruder could be far more fatal. 

I don't want a gun.

I have, as recently as a couple of weeks ago, fostered dogs in the past. Usually tiny dogs, but I could get a bigger scarier one... I mean, one with a scary bark and a big head. But Hank likes being an only child and I think he was happy to see the last foster leave. I'm pretty sure he's waiting for Lucy the adorable demon kitty to find a new home. Sorry Bud, she's staying. Unless she jumps on this keyboard one more time while I'm blogging....

So, what to do?? I'm interested in what other military wives do during deployment. I know lots of people move in with their parents, which is super not happening. We all get along better when I live somewhere else. Plus Hank sheds and my parent's cat tried to eat Lucy. 

I could get a roomie I guess. The last time it was pretty fun.

hm.

I can't wait for this stupid year to be over.

Excuse Me, How Did This Happen?

It's strange to look forward to 2012 the first day of 2011.

I try to stay positive. Every time I have a negative thought, I try to spin it in to a positive. Lately even, a lot of people have been telling me "It's good that you're staying so positive." If you are one of the people who counts on me for positivity or if it will break your heart to read something else, please skip this post. I'm very sorry.
Well. I have to be honest.
I already feel like 2011 can suck it.
As far as I'm concerned after March, or April, I think I'll just go ahead and hibernate until Zack gets back. Please see the post with the sign up sheet for feeding Hank and Lucy. I expect all of you to participate. Thanks so much =)
I liked 2010. I was comfortable there. It made everything seem far away. Writing a date that ended in 2010 meant that it wasn't even the YEAR Zack would have to leave. I had all the time in the world. Now I feel like it's slipping through my fingers. I don't know what to do about it either. It's frustrating. It makes my heart beat faster than I'm comfortable with.
I'm trying to enjoy every moment with my husband, but then my expectations are so high that I end up being disappointed. Everything bums me out.
And, listen, it's day one. So if I want to be a little negative, damnit I will be.
ok?
It's hard.
My friend Brenna's husband is leaving the same time Zack is and she has a baby girl. Can you imagine? She's a great mom, so I know she will be fine, but it's going to be awful. No one enjoys this. And she's leaving me, and moving away.
I'm going to spend a lot of time by myself I think. I'm ok with that. I've always felt like people are so judgey when you're sad. Or competitive, like they have to prove they're sadder.
I know I'm lucky to have my husband. To have found love, the person I'm supposed to be with. That only makes him leaving harder. Some days I can get far enough from the situation that I'm ok, and I can be someone who says "psh, it's only a year". Today, is not one of those days.
I see myself becoming violently angry while he's gone... I swear to goodness, one person tells me to suck it up-- I'll cut them. I will go to jail. Please remember that before you tell me, I signed up for this.
Ugh.
I have to get a job. I'd like to work until I can't remember what day it is.
I feel actual guilt about writing this post... I wish I could be positive all the time but sometimes I can't not cry. Ya feel me? Sometimes it's overwhelming.
I'm not asking for sympathy. I am glad you read this though, it means a lot to me. I swear these poor me posts will be few and far between. Today I am just... shocked. I feel like it sneaked up on me, I guess.

OH, and if I hear "Oh na na, what's my name??" one more time... Listen, it won't be pretty.

Well what a bummer that post was.
To lighten things up, here's an adorable picture of the love of my life and the boy who introduced us, Doug. Coincidently Doug is leaving for Japan soon, and is going to be gone for like... 2 years or 3 years or something. It's obscene. His girlfriend, Linny, is honestly a saint for powering through a long distance relationship for that long.
Annoying... anyway, here's one of their pictures.

Waiting

I'm so jealous. Everyone is pregnant. Everyone has their babycenter baby tickers on facebook. I'm so freaking jealous your baby is a watermelon. I'm obscenely jealous your kumquat baby is giving you morning sickness. I can't wait to hear all about your birth's. But, I have to wait.
I have to wait because I can't imagine being more emotional while Zack is gone. I can assure everyone it is in their best interests that I am not a pregnant, sad, super bitch, counting down the days until I can be with my love again. Trust me. No one wants that.
I want to enjoy every single second of my pregnancy. Positive tests. Morning sickness. Giant sore boobs. Alien baby kicks. Drug free painful, amazing, birth. Every moment. If Zack is gone, every moment will be shadowed with me wishing he was there.

Alien Baby Kicks

If I loved him less this whole thing would be so much easier.
Ugh. Stupid amazing husband.
Also, the best way for me to tolerate not being able to bother Zack will be for me to stay crazy busy. So, I'm going to work out, and tan, and WORK. I know, pick your jaw up. I'm going to work, kids. It's been a while, but I'm going to find a job that I can work hundreds of hours. Or maybe 2 jobs. I want to work so much I can't think about anything else, or spend any money.
When he gets back, we will have been waiting for baby beautiful eyes for, like.... well, for my entire life. I was born to be a Mommy. I am good at a lot of things but I can tell you right now, my best work is yet to come. Since I will be working all the live long day, and Zack will be making tax-free Bahrain dollars, we will be so set when we finally are expecting. Which is totally responsible and, frankly, unlike me.
I know it's the right decision and I'm shocked to find that I am not upset about it. I guess there was a reason that we didn't get pregnant right away. So we could make this happen for our little Ninja Baby.
So, of course, now that Zack and I have decided 100% to "be responsible" and wait until he gets home from Bahrain to get pregnant, I am just absolutely certain he will accidentally knock me up.
Whatever. It's in God's hands.