Monday, January 31, 2011

Alfred Had Nothing On Ankaboot

One of my major concerns about when Zack is gone is my lack of a spider killer. Every year in the fall, well all 2 of them, that I've been in this house the spider problem is terrifying. From the windows in our house we can see the bigger than a half dollar size spiders crawling around in the bushes in front of the house.
When it was just Haley and I the spiders inside the house were a much much larger issue. I don't know why. They were EVERYWHERE. We had this super massive lint roller (read: intense dog hair problem) that looked like a paint roller. It was on a super long extendable poll thingy. Haley and I rolled several spiders from a safe 6 feet away while screaming and hopping like lunatics. It was touch and go, and I made the landlord hire someone to spray, but we lived.
Last year we met Alfred.
Alfred was a spider the size of a hamster. He was big enough that I knew his name from reading his name tag. He came to terrify me by building a web right in front of my living room windows every night, that reached just close enough to the porch banister that I thought Hank would get caught in it. Every night he looked at me through the window while I shook, with all 100 of his creepy little eye balls. For months he showed up every night around 6pm and was gone, web included, by the time I woke up in the morning. Sneaky little bastard.
I'm pretty sure Alfred had to work very early in the morning, so he had to pack it up and get their on time. Thank God Hay and I made such a spectacle of spider killing, because I think Alfred heard about it. Which is why he never let me catch his big ass in my house.
Regardless, Alfred was something I talked about on facebook on the regular. His presence, even outside, haunted me. All of my friends were aware of Alfred and when Zack was home he and his friends would stand on the porch and smoke while I stared at Alfred hoping the second hand smoke would cause him to contract an illness. This went on for months, and Zack refused to put out a hit on the little bastard because he said he ate the mosquitoes and other bugs and that Alfred was probably the reason that we didn't really have an indoor spider problem. This theory was of no consequence to me, and gave me nightmares about him eating smaller spiders. It was horrifying.
Then came what should have been D day for Alfred, but what turned out to be the day I wanted to burn the house down and build a new one, and move out of it just for good measure.
Zack and Doug had been drinking, and I had a headache, so I went to bed at about midnight. When Zack smokes he usually leaves the front door open, because he likes to talk to the people in the house. Even when there's no one in the living room, out of habit, he leaves the door open. Meaning I could hear went on that night.
I like to listen to the drunken ramblings of my husband and his friends because they're absolutely silly. That night they were discussing using my spray deodorant and a lighter to, essentially, blow torch Alfred. I immediately yelled out to tell them I did not want them to burn the house down, and I was pretty sure if they lit him on fire he would just run his humungous flaming ass into the house to call 911. It was a disaster in the making, and I advised against it.
Well, like a lot of the things I advise drunk people against, they decided this was the best plan of action and I was too tired to deal with the nonsense. I crossed my fingers and fell asleep.
The next thing I know, probably about 10 minutes later, I heard women screaming outside at the top of their lungs. They were screaming and yelling "Under the stair! Move the stair!" And then more loud squealing screams. The women sounded like they were being chased by a tiger and I thought maybe Zack and Doug caught the neighbors house on fire and the girls who live next door ran out only to be greeted by a flaming Alfred. In that case the screaming made sense. So I jumped up and ran out to the living room to see what was happening.
To my surprise the only women yelling were Zack and Doug. And they were doing the familiar spider killing hop and scream that Haley and I had done. They were standing in the yard trying to gain control of their flailing limbs when I came out. It was hilarious, but I was relieved because I assumed that, like when Hay and I did the hop and scream, Alfred had seen his last days.
Alas, I was incorrect.
Apparently what had happened was that they had set Alfred's web ablaze and Alfred casually hopped on to the ground (when the woman screaming began). My brave USN Sailors then moved the single cement stair next to the porch to 'get him' and just as they did... a SNAKE slithered out from underneath. Causing the hilarious limb flailing and my sudden urge to burn the house down.
Why me?? WHY ME??
That was the day I discovered my husband is also scared of spiders. And snakes. Maybe not to my extent, he could still take them out sober in broad day light with a shoe, but he was definitely a little frightened of MASSIVE man spiders when intoxicated, and he doesn't like snakes much either.

** Side note** Alfred showed up again several days later, only this time he was more aggressive and hung from the screen door. 
I locked Zack out of the house and told him he could live in it again when he got rid of Alfred. I recorded the Shoe Vs Spider showdown, and on that glorious day the Shoe won.  
The snake, or rather a snake, met it's match with the lawn mower a few days after that.****


Today my mom sent me a message about how my brother saw something on the Discovery Channel about massive spiders in Bahrain. So I did some googling... holy shit.

Meet Ankaboot (spider in Arabic)

I hate the idea of not being with Zack, but I have never ever been so happy to not be going to Bahrain with him before in my LIFE. Holy balls.

You may now take pause and itch all over.

I wont post any more terrible pictures of Bahraini spiders here. Google it though, if you're brave. They're massive. And they're aggressive.

I'm going to put the Shoe Vs Spider showdown on a DVD for Zack to take with him to Bahrain. If he's smart he will play it on a loop in his barracks so that the spiders tell their spider friends what a spider killing badass Zack is.  
You and I will know the truth, but they don't need to know. 

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

I've Got... Readers... In Different Area Codes

Let me show you all something super cool.

United States
South Korea
United Arab Emirates

When you blog, at least on blogger, you can see all sorts of really cool statistics about where your readers are from, what posts they're reading, how they got to your blog and etc. Above is my audience from the last month. 864 readers in the United states in a month, is enough to be pretty excited about. I think it's pretty cool anyway. I wont lie though, it's pretty crazy for me to think about people in other countries reading about my craziness.
Most of my readers are military wives and girlfriends, and that's pretty sweet. We're a cool group, and we're all over the world. It's safe to assume a lot of my foreign readers are the women who make sure our husbands are awake on time to go save the world.
Even though I mention Bahrain pretty frequently, it's safe to say my Bahrain readers are all Zack's friend Brian who is currently stationed there.
It's like having pen pals all over the world.

This means when the husband goes to Bahrain I can see whether or not he's reading my ramblings. It's important that he does.

Speaking of Zack. He is on base doing some out processing paper work. It makes me a little ill I won't lie. I hate the idea of him processing out of Offutt. I like our lives here. Because we are here. Here, we are still a we. We go do things.
This morning (at an unreasonably early 7am) Zack was upset with me because I didn't want to get up and rush around to get ready to go to the dentist with him. I kept asking him, from bed, why he wanted me to go and he absolutely broke my heart when he said "because we do everything together. We're lovers. We're buddies. We're best friends." But by then, it was too late for me to go. So I stayed home and felt guilty about not going, and about sleeping so well after he left with only Hank in bed.
He did it on purpose, I'm sure. And the dentist gave him a fat lip.

Welp. That's about all there is for today, kiddos. In the spirit of my worldly readership, leave a comment and let me know where you're from!


Tuesday, January 25, 2011

All You Can Eat

I can not get enough of my husband lately. To the point that I may be driving him crazy. When he's awake everything's fine and when he's not at work everything is fine. I like him at a normal level. Like a normal person. But when he's sleeping or at work, I can't seem to tell him I love him enough. At least 20 times a day I have to go and bother kiss him while he's sleeping. I just know that my days are numbered with him before Bahrain. So if I think about kissing him or squeezing him even for a second. I do it. I just do. It doesn't matter what I'm doing.
I'm going to miss him so much.
What will I do without my all I can eat hugs??

Ugh. Anyways.

I've lost my keys. We rarely drive my car since it had 6 miles on it when I got it and I met Zack a month after that, and suddenly it has almost 20,000 miles on it less than 2 years later. Since I haven't been in my car since last Wednesday when Linny and I got sushi, your guess is as good as mine as to where they are. (Seriously, where do you think they are??) Since then, I have locked myself out of the house TWICE. Both times with Sam and Chelsea. Even after locking myself out twice, I didn't realize until yesterday that I have no earthly idea where they may be. This presents several problems.
The first being that there is no food in my house. Zack has a spare key to my car, so if I would just remember to get it from him before he leaves for work I could go buy groceries. But I don't remember. And I'm a terrible grocery shopper.

Not impossible.

So I'm cutting this post short, because ladies and gentleman, I am on a mission. I will find these keys. I'm going to go buy groceries and belly casting supplies. My cousin has graciously agreed to allow me to experiment with belly casting on her prego belly so that when I am a certified Doula, I can add belly casting to my services. I'm super excited to try it, and fairly confident that I will be amazing at it. I'll post pictures when it's done.

Okey Doke! Wish me luck!!

Monday, January 24, 2011

Something To Get Excited About

This week has been a whirlwind. Just when we got that stupid packet and I was as bummed as ever, all the stars lined up and God sent me some things I could get excited about.

Going through all the packet stuff was horribly depressing. Not just for me, but also for Zack. For the first time since we found out he was going to have to leave (I think) having to go to Bahrain was real for Zack, too. He was super bummed. The whole day basically sucked. We couldn't cheer each other up, and for the following 3 days we fought like crazy, including one major episode in front of Doug and Linny (Sorry about that guys), it was probably the worst fight we've ever had. Naturally, it happened when we had people staying at our house. Extremely embarrassing.

Things were not good.

Then we realized Zack would be home for our one year anniversary. His "no later than" date is after our May 7th Anniversary, so he won't have to leave until a few days after. Even though him leaving later than expected is a blessing and a curse, since he will then be back later, we were both instantly very excited about him being home for our anniversary. Things started to look up, which was amazing.

I've said on here before that hanging out with my friend Chelsea and her husband Sam and especially their beeb Brylie, instantly makes me feel better. They are the very best friends a girl can ask for and I love them so much. Last week was no exception, and actually, was a perfect example. Chelsea is always the first person to tell me Zack loves me and we're both just stressed, she's the first person I know will text me back no matter what time it is, and she is a like-mind when it comes to things i'm interested in.
Chels is a strong advocate for gentle birthing and attached parenting, which is my FAVORITE subject. After a few days of being down I spent the day with Chelsea and Brylie and a few of their friends, one of which is Chelsea's rockstar doula. Chels and I spent a few days talking about her and what an awesome career she had and how much I would love it and how it would suit me before I realized that's exactly what I should be doing.
The next morning I did some research and discussed it with the people closest to me, and just a few days later here I sit, enrolled in Doula training, waiting patiently for my July training conference and looking at a required reading list of about 30 books I can't wait to read.

I am excited!

For the first time EVER I know what I want to be when I grow up! I am made to work in the birth field, and not the hospital medical route either. I know that God has brought me this opportunity and waited so long for me to see what I wanted to do so that I could find out now, and have something to be so so excited about even though my husband is leaving for a year. Perfect timing!

Plus, this will help me get my pregnancy and birth fix in while I'm waiting my turn.


I couldn't wait to share this news with you all :) I'll keep you all updated on the process!

Okay, so I know this isn't the Bahrain post, but I hate that post. I don't even want to finish writing it. Eventually I will, and I'm sure it will be an anticlimactic read for all of you. I just don't like to think about it. So, I'm postponing for now. I hope you all understand.

I'm off to color my hair back to a more natural, less red, color. I'll talk to you all again soon!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Oh, Man.

There's a TON of stuff to go through in the packet still. To be clear the packet is virtual. It's not an actual packet. It's more like an email. Just called a packet, and it's all information about what he should expect as far as traveling to and living in Bahrain. We've known he was going to Bahrain for a long time (Since Septemberish), we being his friends and fam, and you all here on TGIMolly. This is just info.

Here's a fun fact from said "packet". With a tiny little 30 day quarantine when they got there and one when they got back, Zack could pretty easily Take Lucyfer with him to Bahrain. Then, she'd be like 2 when she came back, and just way more mellow I'm sure. I've discovered she's sweet and mellow overnight until about 7am or so, then crazy biter ninja-attack kitty comes out. She stays out pretty much all day, then returns to mega sweet cuddle baby around 8pm or so when she wants to sleep. Sigh. I hope that when I get a job I work the hours demon kitty is out.

So, obviously this is not the "Bahrain Part II" post. Instead it's a post about how that post still isn't ready. There's a lot of information in there though, and I need to get the post approved by the husband, since I can never quite tell what I can and can not share with the blogosphere without getting in trouble with the Navy. But the post's will come soon.

In the mean time I want to let everyone following my blog know how cool that is =) it's always exciting to see I have a new follower, especially if it's someone I never expected or even people I don't know. That rocks. I love doing this, and I hope that I can keep doing it forever. So I'm hoping you guys will keep reading.

I wanted to add another sweet video to todays post, because I am newly obsessed with homecoming videos. So here's another one, it will definitely make you cry.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Hold Please

Zack got his "Welcome to Bahrain packet". It made both of us sadder than we thought it would. While, I go through that information and put some of it together for a blog post, I thought I'd post a video for your enjoyment. (Thanks for sending me this Linny) I can't wait for homecoming. Man, I can't wait for homecoming.
I love this video, and the song is fabulous.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

My Crazy

I have serious issues. I'm sure something is wrong with me, as usual.

I have had this strange lump at the top of my neck, under my chin kinda. It's like the size of a marble. It's been with me for over a year now, so it must not be anything super awful, but I'm sure I should have it looked at.
When I first discovered this mysterious addition I went to the internets, to some random Dr. site and frantically typed in "HELP" in the subject line and my issue in the body. Days later I got replies from people telling me it is probably a lymph node or (because I mentioned I suspected it) a result of some sort of infection from my tongue ring, maybe a cyst, etc. etc. I took out my tongue ring. I still think that's probably the cause but I don't know. 
I also texted hundreds of my friends and relatives with any medical experience to see if I was in trouble, they all told me I probably wasn't. And that was that.I had a legitimate medical issue,
I drive everyone crazy, with the internet. Thank goodness the internet exists or I probably wouldn't have any friends. 

Well, right now, at this stage of Hypochondria, I'd like to share this story with you. As most of you know, for a period of time Zack and I were trying to get pregnant. Basically in the time we thought we were going to be gone together. From around July to October I'd say. Unfortunately, we were unsuccessful. Or fortunately, if that's how you choose to see it. But at the time there was nothing that could keep me from constantly bothering my friend Chelsea, and my husband with questions. "Do you think my runny nose is an indicator? I'm having crazy dreams, I bet I am. I'm one to three minutes late, I'm sure this is it." How I wish it would have been it, but it wasn't and that's ok.

Well, last night I found myself frantically searching the interweb for an answer to a question, I'm sure a lot of people ask... I was in the bath tub and suddenly I realized, that as unlikely (extremely) as it is, there was a tiny possibility I could have been pregnant. So I found, as I frequently did when I wanted to be pregnant before, and I frantically asked a question under the subject "I'm sort of panicing... hot baths??", it read "So, I just took a super hot bath, which I do at least once a day to relax- my hubs is about to deploy- anyway while in the bathtub I realized I'm kind of 'late', I've been kind of cramping and it doesn't start, and today I had really mild chest pains, none of which are completely uncharachteristic for me, but there's still a chance my eggo might be prego   which would be awesome, as unlikely as it is. Anyway I'm concerned I was just boiling in the bathtub and boiling my (unlikely) unborn child?? Does anyone know if I just made a huge mistake?? I know its a no-no, but should I be freaking out? Thanks for your help!"

I'm embarassed. Of course, everyone told me I was fine. And I woke up this morning feeling really silly for even asking the question but an hour before I was crying over a Brodkeys commercial. I don't even surprise myself with my crazy any more.

This is what I'm dealing with here kids. My baby-fever is at an all time high, my hypochondria is at an all time high, my stress is at an all time high, lets be honest, my crazy is at an all time high. 
I cry about everything. My body is confused. Let me tell you why, my husband is leaving. It's not fair. I'm stressed, and I'm depressed, and I'm trying really hard to put a smile on all of it. Most days I am legitimately happy and feeling good about everything. But some days, like last night, I am a whack-job. 

But I'm ok. I'm going to be ok. 

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

I'm Going to Be FIne

Today has been a long day. I've been cleaning my house. Not just cleaning, I mean like deep cleaning. It was in complete disarray, so any kind of cleaning was welcomed by both my house, and my husband. My living room and bathroom are the cleanest they've been since I moved into this house. It's ridiculous. However, I have broken each and everyone of my Kim Kardashian glamorous finger nails. For some reason when I clean obsessively I slowly fall apart. My back aches, my feet suddenly feel freezing and go numbish, my skin gets dry, my lips immediately chap, and most concerning my nails get dry and break... yet, my husband doesn't feel this is a sign that I am to immediately stop cleaning and hire a cleaning service.

Our house is over run with animal hair. So much so that I almost considered naming this post Shaving the Kitty, which I immediately rethought... not really the type of reader I'm looking to get. Not on this blog anyway.
I won't pretend that Lucy is even one fifth of our animal hair problem, although her stripey hair is increasingly becoming an issue, it is mostly my big sheddy Hank. He makes no apologies about it, and the benefits of Hank's love far outweigh the fact that all black clothing Zack and I wear has to be kept in our cars, and we have to put it on in the driveway. Making wearing black pants uncomfortable for us, and our neighbors.
I have a dyson, and it rocks, and it still is a constant battle to tame the detached main of my zoo. It's really awful. But I try... yes I do.

Our dish washer is broken as well. It's one of those mobile ones that rolls around the floor when drunk people  lean on it. It was never really reliable for clean dishes, but for the first 18 months or so that I lived here, a couple cycles did the job. It has however, completely forsaken me. Bastard. Now it sits angrily in the corner of my kitchen, mocking me, unused and in my way. So I have been HAND WASHING dishes, for the first time in my life. So much for being the kept, trophy wife I thought I was. It dries out my hands and nails in a way that you can not imagine.
My nails are screaming, and they sound like a tiny Vietnamese woman named Susie who works at my nail place. They beg me to get acryllic nails and forget about how great my nails grow on their own when taken care of. But I can't. It's too danged expensive, and I just cant forget how awesome my nails look when they get to grow on their own. I'm not ready to give up on them.

My carpet is perpetually spotted. Our carpet is white, because my landlord is a sadist. I don't know what he was thinking when he filled this house full of white easily stainable carpet but it wasn't "Some day I'm going to rent this house out to a funny young woman, her muddy husband, her great big dog, and their occasional potty trained-challenged foster dogs. So, I think we will go with white carpet. Yep." No sir, it was not.

Bah. I hate cleaning. I'm the worst cleaner, but when I start, you better just leave me alone because I'm not stopping. Which is why demon kitty has been quarantined to her room most of the day, I was certain if I stepped on her tail one more time it was going to result in a pricey vet visit.

I haven't checked facebook, all day. I don't know what's on anyone's mind right now, and it is strangely freeing but extremely unfamiliar. I could think about nothing other than shiny sinks (Thank you Flylady), Windexed mirrors, and getting everything organized all the live long day.

Here's the thing, I think if I just stay this busy every day Zack is gone, I should be A OK. I have all sorts of things planned for the year from hell.
I'm going to workout every day, except for maybe Sunday. Just because nobody likes anyone who works out everyday and public approval is very important to me.
I'm going to go to weight watchers because I'm getting boudoir or pin up photos done as a Valentine's day present for my husband in 2012, (which I'm writing more about later) and I plan to be even cuter.
I'm going to work and make some money and since I'll be so busy, I hope to have no time to spend any of it and be super ready for baby beautiful eyes as soon as Zack gets back.
I'm going to play with all of the babies of the people around me lucky enough to get knocked up recently. That is going to be spectacular.
I'm going to start cutting coupons like it never went out of style. I don't care if I look like your Grandma in the grocery store. It's going to be sweet.
I'm also playing coed softball with two of my favorite people in the world, Chelsea and Sam. I'm really excited about that.
I'm going to volunteer my behind off for SOLAS, for Precious Memories, and for any other thing I can get into. Volunteering makes me SO happy. It's disturbing.
I'm going to blog and talk to you all a lot. Because I just love you so much.
Plus I'm going to be spending a lot of time shipping care packages to my husband and skypeing and talking to him as much as possible.

My point, dear kiddies, in this crazy long post is a three parter: 1: Everything in my house is falling apart, and is likely to get worse when my husband leaves. 2: I don't mind because it will keep me so busy trying to keep up with everything. and Finally, I'm going to be fine. Even though if I think about it for more than a minute I am likely to cry uncontrollably with no foreseeable end, but why in the world would I think about it for more than a minute?! Just like when he's gone, I'm going to take every day one minute at a time.

***Love you guys, thanks for reading. Recently I've been getting a lot of super positive feedback about TGIMolly and I'm so proud. I would say about 90% of my monthly readers are military wives, so if any one of you would like to write a guest blog post I would absolutely love that. Also, don't forget it's so easy to comment at the bottom of these posts and let me know what you think.***

Tuesday, January 4, 2011


Alright. I had about 3000 super sad negative things to write about today. But I've stifled them. Instead I've decided to blog about how everyone keeps telling me I should worry about my impending house invasion and consequent attack while Zack is in Bahrain.
Here's the thing, I've lived by myself before. I have a big dog. A big 90 pound german shepherd mix, with big teeth. Hank. Scary right?
Does this look like a scary animal to you?
Holly and Hank Sleeping
Hank and Zack kissing
Doug and Hank Sleeping

He's the sweetest baby in the world 99.8% of the time. Unless you're a bunny, you're traveling down the street on a motorized wheel chair, you have a jimmy johns sandwich in your hand, you're hitting me, or you move to quickly and are not... um... caucasian... (he's a racist. I apologize. We've talked about it. He's working on it.) you're Hank's bestie. He loves everyone. He has a little bit of a nervous licking habit and will lick your hands off, or your face if you're close enough. And my little cousin Zach will testify that if you are sitting in the front seat of my car, he will ignore that you exist.
Exhibit A

He's a marshmellow.
Aside from one instance where Linny approached my door in the middle of the night and he acted like he might take her out, I have no reason to believe he would scare anyone away. He likes the mailman. When the mailman reaches our house, Hank relaxes and plays with him until he hands him a treat. 

So, the problem is, everyone thinks I'm going to be raped. Many of the people close to me are concerned that I am going to be unsafe by myself for a year. It is concerning, sure. But what am I going to do??

I have an alarm system on my home, it has however had issues connecting to the company that installed it. Meaning, unless there is a fire, the police are not always called. It's just a very loud annoying noise for a rapist to have to put up with until I put the code in or a neighbor calls the police, about 10% of the time. I have to hope that my intruder is also an arsonist if I want the alarm to really be 100% effective. But they don't know that. So, I've played in my head what I would say to them "Excuse me sir, that alarm system you hear,  yeah it just called the police. They should be here soon. I'm not playing. Go. Quit petting the dog. Scram bucko!".
Ineffective? Perhaps. I think I'll have that checked. 

Zack wants me to get a gun. Which I am absolutely not going to do. I don't want a gun in my home. It's too easy to have an accident. I'm pretty sure I'd just be providing the assailant a weapon. I have on occasion tried to give my husband a dose of his own fracking medicine and shoot him with his stupid nerf gun, he immediately apprehends said gun and I am pelted with dozens of tiny nerf bullets. It's annoying. I fear that with a real gun, the outcome with an intruder could be far more fatal. 
I don't want a gun.

I have, as recently as a couple of weeks ago, fostered dogs in the past. Usually tiny dogs, but I could get a bigger scarier one... I mean, one with a scary bark and a big head. But Hank likes being an only child and I think he was happy to see the last foster leave. I'm pretty sure he's waiting for Lucy the adorable demon kitty to find a new home. Sorry Bud, she's staying. Unless she jumps on this keyboard one more time while I'm blogging....

So, what to do?? I'm interested in what other military wives do during deployment. I know lots of people move in with their parents, which is super not happening. We all get along better when I live somewhere else. Plus Hank sheds and my parent's cat tried to eat Lucy. 

I could get a roomie I guess. The last time it was pretty fun.

I can't wait for this stupid year to be over.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Excuse Me, How Did This Happen?

It's strange to look forward to 2012 the first day of 2011.

I try to stay positive. Every time I have a negative thought, I try to spin it in to a positive. Lately even, a lot of people have been telling me "It's good that you're staying so positive." If you are one of the people who counts on me for positivity or if it will break your heart to read something else, please skip this post. I'm very sorry.
Well. I have to be honest.
I already feel like 2011 can suck it.
As far as I'm concerned after March, or April, I think I'll just go ahead and hibernate until Zack gets back. Please see the post with the sign up sheet for feeding Hank and Lucy. I expect all of you to participate. Thanks so much =)
I liked 2010. I was comfortable there. It made everything seem far away. Writing a date that ended in 2010 meant that it wasn't even the YEAR Zack would have to leave. I had all the time in the world. Now I feel like it's slipping through my fingers. I don't know what to do about it either. It's frustrating. It makes my heart beat faster than I'm comfortable with.
I'm trying to enjoy every moment with my husband, but then my expectations are so high that I end up being disappointed. Everything bums me out.
And, listen, it's day one. So if I want to be a little negative, damnit I will be.
It's hard.
My friend Brenna's husband is leaving the same time Zack is and she has a baby girl. Can you imagine? She's a great mom, so I know she will be fine, but it's going to be awful. No one enjoys this. And she's leaving me, and moving away.
I'm going to spend a lot of time by myself I think. I'm ok with that. I've always felt like people are so judgey when you're sad. Or competitive, like they have to prove they're sadder.
I know I'm lucky to have my husband. To have found love, the person I'm supposed to be with. That only makes him leaving harder. Some days I can get far enough from the situation that I'm ok, and I can be someone who says "psh, it's only a year". Today, is not one of those days.
I see myself becoming violently angry while he's gone... I swear to goodness, one person tells me to suck it up-- I'll cut them. I will go to jail. Please remember that before you tell me, I signed up for this.
I have to get a job. I'd like to work until I can't remember what day it is.
I feel actual guilt about writing this post... I wish I could be positive all the time but sometimes I can't not cry. Ya feel me? Sometimes it's overwhelming.
I'm not asking for sympathy. I am glad you read this though, it means a lot to me. I swear these poor me posts will be few and far between. Today I am just... shocked. I feel like it sneaked up on me, I guess.

OH, and if I hear "Oh na na, what's my name??" one more time... Listen, it won't be pretty.

Well what a bummer that post was.
To lighten things up, here's an adorable picture of the love of my life and the boy who introduced us, Doug. Coincidently Doug is leaving for Japan soon, and is going to be gone for like... 2 years or 3 years or something. It's obscene. His girlfriend, Linny, is honestly a saint for powering through a long distance relationship for that long.
Annoying... anyway, here's one of their pictures.