Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Just Call Me The Twincubator

Today marks 27 weeks gestation!
 We've had a few preterm labor scares and every single week is a huge victory! At 25 weeks and 3 days we got a positive reading on an FFN test when we were at the hospital for contractions. 
The FFN is this insane test that can test for this protein that is found to be present when labor is a "possibility" within 2 weeks. 
Basically that means if the test is negative there is a 95%-99% chance you won't go into labor within 2 weeks. There is some studies that say that number is more like 60%-90% with twins, but there hasn't been enough studies with multiple gestation to say for sure... 
Anyway... A positive indicates that there is a possibility of labor onset within 2 weeks. A 16%-30% chance of going into labor. Any googling will show tons of people saying that a positive doesn't mean anything definitive.
The billion and fifty studies I've read would indicate in a twin gestation the numbers are more like 30%-54% chance of preterm labor within 2 weeks. My chances are (maybe) a little lower because my cervix is still long (3.95 centimeters), thick, closed, and not funneling. 
Still, a positive FFN shouldn't be taken lightly with twins, and I was put on strict bedrest. My only real symptom of preterm labor was pretty consistent contractions (30 or so in 12 hours) every day. So, to combat that my new OB, who I love dearly, prescribed procardia. It hasn't completely knocked out the contractions but I am more confident that 12 or so a day is a safer number. 
Anyway... I've spent the last couple weeks panicking. I am so scared of micro preemie babies and the first day of the 27th week technically welcomes us into the "very premature" status. Although I have no intention of allowing them to come for at least 7 more weeks, 27 weeks feels good. 28 weeks will feel amazing. I am not sure exactly why but 28 weeks is a big week for twin gestations. Our doctor told us it was when we could breathe a mini-sign of relief. Everything 30 weeks and after is a huge sigh of relief.
The babies are soo strong. Especially our little lunatic girl baby, affectionately known as Maria. She is so wiggly. It's incredible. Baby boy, or Paco, is also strong, but considerably more mellow than his sisterly counter-part. 
We love them so much. I obsess all day about them. Even in a rare moment I'm not scared and worrying, I'm thinking about who they will be and how excited I am to cuddle them. 
Bedrest has been interesting. I've updated all of our baby registries if you want to buy us a present, haha. Just search Molly and Zackery Williams, items can be sent directly to our house :) Amazon, target, babies r us. I've watched just about everything on netflix and hulu. I've purchased books on my kindle app. I've covered my stretch marks in coconut oil because they bleed now. I eat. Then when I'm done with that I eat some more. Followed by eating. Yet, no weight gain. I google as much as I eat. That's a lie, I google twice as much as I eat. Which is why I know that I should have gained more weight by now. Hopefully all the calories are going STRAIGHT to my sweet little womb mates. 
They were 50th and 58th percentile for size at 24 weeks, and we have another scan a week from Friday. I'm interested/excited/anxious to see where they rank now. I would like them to be big fatties :) 
So that's that! I'm gonna try to get more public writing done. I like it, it makes me feel social and interactive, haha. In the mean time if anyone has any tips or tricks for weight gain- I'd love to hear it. Also, if you have any experience with a positive FFN, I'd love to hear that as well. 
XoxoxoxoX


Our twinlets kissing during an ultrasound last week :) 

Monday, November 4, 2013

Dear Babies (Part 1)

Hi kiddos! 
It is 2:59 am on Monday morning. I can't stop thinking about you, and I thought I would write you a quick note.
 Tomorrow you will reach viability, and while that is very exciting, we won't meet you for at least 10 more weeks.
 I already know you, and you guys are so cool. Baby "Maria", you are my little kick boxer. Super active and feisty. Baby "Paco", you are more relaxed but on occasion your sister will get turned around and harass you and you get crazy. 
I love you both so much. So please keep cooking, stay healthy, we will wait to meet you. I promise to take things easy until you get here and feed you delicious things. Your Dad is great and is taking care of all of us so I can take care of you. 
I know that while I carry you with me you are the safest you'll ever be. Tucked safely inside me and growing your little bodies, I know where you are. I know you're happy. I know you're fed. I know you're warm. I know you're awesome. I feel so responsible to make sure you always know how awesome you are and how much your dad and I love you. 
You were so wanted. You are so loved. You will never know a day of loneliness because so many people love you. You are so important to us, and to so many more people. 
You weigh well under 2 pounds right now and your Dad and I would do anything in this world for either of you, in a second. The real stuff. We love you so. 
This pregnancy has not been easy. Some days I am so frustrated with all of the happenings that I could cry. But I never forget how lucky I am that I was chosen to be your Mom. Even in my weakest moment, I am beaming with pride that I get to keep you. A year ago I would have been so absurdly jealous of me. 
It has never been clearer to me before that good things are worth the fight. I will always fight for you.
Anyway, we love you. That's what I'm getting at. We promise to do our very best and be our very best. All I've ever wanted was to be your mom, and your Dad is the greatest. 
So stay safe, and healthy. I promise, promise, your outside life will be worth the wait. 
Love you, 
Your Very Sleepy Mama

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Pre-Announcement Twin Pregnancy Ramblings

Before I was allowed to announce our twinlets to the kingdom I wrote all of my pre-announcement feelings into my phone. Today, I am posting that nonsense for all of you to read :) 

Enjoy!

"Do you want a Twinkie?"

"Obviously.... Please hurry... Please open it since I'm driving.... Wow, you just keep not giving me that Twinkie."

"Will you relax??"

"Will you give me the Twinkie?"


Craving fruit and ketchup. 


2:32am call to babe at work.

"Babe... Sometimes it just hits me that we're having twins and I'm like..."

"Whoa."

"Yeah"

"Pretty fucking exciting"

"We have to quit talking like that"

Giggles. 


Pregnancy brain is a very real thing.. Today I typed "are water is so gross.." Instead of our. I'm worried about my future. Perhaps I've had a stroke. 


Hiccups are the prelude to vomit 9 times out of 10 when pregnant. Be aware. 


If you wait too long to eat or drink, you will vomit. Why is this so hard for me to learn? 


Latest name Zack suggests if one or both of twins is a girl-- Francerd


I would kill a man for froyo right now. Not a joke. 


Sinus infection + pregnancy = misery .... But babies make it TOTALLY WORTH IT. 


Took my antibiotic and my prenatals with a rootbeer freeze as a chaser. Rootbeer freeze is the only food I've been able to keep down today... Pills are gonna make me lose it too. Lesson learned. 


Just read an article a woman wrote on the eve of her twins 13th birthday, addressed to the 13 years ago version of her, when her twins were first born. And SOBBED. Did I think this through?? I'm going to love and worry about these people FOREVER. Until I die. No matter what. That seems incredibly scary. It's too late to go back. I love these two babies and I fought hard to make them and keep them safe... I will be a mental case from now on. There's no end to this anxiety... It's forever. And actually... I have to say... I'm still super fucking excited. 


"Yeah, vagina's do a lot of really gross things during pregnancy." Thanks Doc. 


It's amazing how little it takes to make me so sick. 


"I can't wait to find out what flavors they are! I hope it's a blueberry and a strawberry."

 

I thought the super sensitive smell nonsense was over... Nope. Silly babies.


I can't imagine what people who have kids already do when they're pregnant. All I want to do is lay around and vomit. And search the internet for baby stuff I need....


Zack guards our baby names like people are asking for our social security numbers. "Oh you're having twins?? Do you have names picked out?" "Yes, but we can't tell you." Yeah... The random Walmart checker is totally going to steal our names... Relax.


At 10w2d I saw fetus A moving on the ultrasound. It was the most exciting, emotional, terrifying, motivating thing I have ever experienced. So cool :) I'm betting that's a boy. He was definitely hyper-active like his Daddy. 


"IF YOU TOUCH MY NIPPLES ONE MORE TIME I SWEAR I WILL LOSE MY MIND!"


Shelby texting me, and me having to pee every hour, will keep me from sleeping through the night for the rest of my life... Or this pregnancy. Twins will eliminate sleep after that. Clearly, since Shelby never, ever, sleeps. 


Alert. Alert. I need a cheesey gordita crunch, STAT. This is not a drill.


Would love to take this opportunity to use my blog post update post announcement of our sweet little munchkins, to acknowledge all the great people in my life, especially my husband. I have not been particularly easy to deal with the last 14 weeks, and everyone has been really great at just going with the flow and being super supportive. Our families have been amazing, despite their inability to keep secrets! My parents, as usual have helped us more than we can ever thank them for. My in-laws have been fantastic. We are so blessed! 


Pregnancy has assured me that, while he drives me insane, there really is no one better for me in this world than Zackery. A man who is willing to listen to you cry (for the 10th time today) because the children's book you are randomly reading "is just so sad", make 1000 late night food runs, not complain about all night sickness sessions, take care of literally everything around the house while you sleep 14 hour blocks, and watch your food and water intake until you want to hit him.. Is a good man. Zack is extraordinary. I love him to the bottom of my soul and I can't wait to be a parent with him the rest of our lives. 


I am so in love with our family. It nearly breaks my emotional heart. 


Thinking of dying my hair grey.. Think Pink or Kelly Osborne. To make the inevitable transition easier. Anxiety! 


I need a twin planner. That's like a party planner for babies. I need someone to buy all the stuff I need so I can stop thinking I'm forgetting something, and then send me the bill. Also, I would like to not receive the bill. 


There are at least 100 different kinds of cloth diapers. I think we're set for the first 15 minutes or so after birth as far as diapers go. So that's a relief. 


Everyone I know is having babies right now. All our kids will grow up together... and I will tell you now I'm totally judging your kids by your actions when they all go out together in high school. In fact ill say it now. The twins aren't allowed to hang out with any of the kids of people I hung out with in high school. 


I am a super bitch. The more pregnant I get the more I want to punch everyone. 


Babe my nipples are so huge. Have you ever seen nipples this huge? 

Yeah... On a ape :) 

Not funny. 


12 weeks pregnant :) 


Thursday, October 3, 2013

The Most Beautiful Thing


June 13th I finally saw a second line on a pregnancy test. The first time in a very long 3 years trying to get pregnant. The first time in 6 months of miserable fertility treatments. Up to that point it was the happiest day of my life. Still in my top 3.

There is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for them.

Every flutter, every kick, reminds me just how unbelievably lucky I am. My sore hips, my slow wobbly walk, remind me of how unbelievably lucky I am. My growing belly, my road map of stretch marks, all detail the beautiful words to a wonderful beginning of a story I wasn't sure would ever be written.

I don't have a single complaint. I know I've never done anything as important as what started on June 13th, 2013 until the day I die. Being a mommy to these babies is all I've ever wanted. I wasn't sure it would ever happen, and thanks to God and Science, it has.

Thanks to God.

Thank God for bringing me my Zackery. My sweet husband. He is my greatest blessing. Without him I am nothing I love to be.

Without him I'm not a mom.

Without him I'm not in love.

Without him I am not who I am.

Zackery, I love you and our babies with my whole heart. More every day and every day for the rest of my life, I love you. With my whole heart.

Happier days are ahead readers. The happiest days.

Stay tuned :)