Sunday, July 25, 2010

I Burn Everything

This is not a joke. Today I tried to make myself a Bertolli pasta dinner thingy where the instructions were basically one step. My entire house smells like an Italian bonfire. It's disgusting.

Preparation instructions are: Cut open bag. Empty bag into 12 inch skillet on medium heat. Cover. Stir after 5 minutes. Cover. Cook 5 more minutes. Eat.

What happened when I tried to make it? Rip open bag. Pick up spilled contents of bag and throw in skillet on medium heat. Cover. After 2 minutes disable fire alarm. Swear. Scrape unburned noodles and chicken into trusty microwave safe bowl. Microwave 2 minutes. Eat several bites. Give to Hank.

I have absolutely no idea what happened here to make this go awry. I am disheartened. However, my salvaged pasta was delicious, and I haven't gotten sick yet. Which is sweet.

This is a near daily battle for me. I can not cook. I used to think that I could and just didn't want to, but things like this lead me to believe that maybe I am defective. Which concerns me. I have a husband to feed. I'm no June Cleaver and I'm certain he could go without any of my culinary assistance but he's pretty awesome and I like to make sure he's not hungry. Thank goodness he loves me. Occasionally I will somehow produce something from scratch that will be delicious and he is very greatful. Occasionally I will produce something edible and he is equally happy. He just loves me. He's the best.

I really am trying. I purchase devices to help me cook. My bean pot is pretty much the only thing that I can successfully use, but it's dangerous and I have a scar on my right hand to prove it. I also requested randomly a sweet new infomercial item that should be arriving this week, fingers crossed on that going well!

What is even more frustrating, or for that matter... annoying, is that my brother not only CAN cook, as in has the ability, but is very good at it. Like, professionally. Where in the world did he get these skills?? He had to have been born with them. I can spell, he can cook. I don't know.


On an unrelated note Zack and I will find out what country we will be hanging our theoretical hats in in less than 2 weeks. To say I am anxious is an understatement. For those who don't know, Zack put in orders for Japan, Sicily, and Guam. OBVIOUSLY I would LOVE Sicily, but I'm coming to terms with the fact that it is unlikely. It doesn't matter. I can't help lean towards one choice over the other, but I know how lucky I am to get to be stationed with him. They could say were sending you guys, and Hank, to the moon and I would deal.

It's getting real ladies and gents.

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