Monday, December 19, 2011

Increased Sensitivity

I am very emotional lately. Shocker. I miss my husband.

This is not limited to random sobbing fits when hearing this song come up on my playlist...

That's tough... but I'm also prone to fits of unbridled and agape love for my husband and my family and friends.

What I'm saying is...

I am randomly overwhelmed by how proud I am to be introduced as "Bob's Daughter", "Mickey's Daughter", "Danny's Sister", etc, or especially "Zack's Wife". I'm proud of them and I'm proud that they are a part of me. 

Also, on occasion I will get into my bed and see that my husband is calling me and I get butterflies... and I squeeze my Hank and am overwhelmed by how lucky I am. I have a big, warm, comfortable bed, in a nice house occasionally full of dog hair from the worlds greatest dog and shredded toilet paper from the worlds most psychotic adorable cat. But mostly I am lucky to have so many people who love me... and my soulmate. It's obscene.

I am a lucky chick.

Even now typing about it I'm getting borderline weepy.

I'm a basket case. Little things set me on emotional roller coasters of epic proportions... psychotically happy a million miles an hour to anxious and missing my sweet sailor only to swing back up and slap overwhelmed with gratitude right in the mouth.

Of all the emotions I experience, anger is rarely one of them, so I'm lucky that way. People who know me know it doesn't take much to get me riled up, but to get me heated takes a lot and it's nearly impossible to bring me back without a good nights sleep.

Yes, right, like I've had one of those since May... that's happened.

So, I'm lucky that way... Because after a few facebook friend sweeps and one minor life change, all of the anger in my life will be pretty much goneski.

I feel legitimately bad for those around me lately, I am extremely hard to keep up with.

I joke frequently about having very little joy in my life... which isn't true.

I have gobs of joy.

People who I haven't spoken to more than 5 times since high school who send me things in the mail to tell me they're thinking about me when Zack had to leave... Joy. Or how about a girl who I would have considered one of my arch nemeses (excuse my dork talk, you can thank my husband) who wrote to me on facebook to tell me she was excited for me to have him home. Joy. Joy in knowing people are good.

I want to tell everyone who has reached out to me how much I appreciate each of you. I wish I could hug each of you individually... which is a big deal, since I'm not really a hugger.

I am full of gratitude and proud to be each of your friend, sister, daughter, cousin, neice, neighbor, grand daughter, facebook acquaintance. I appreciate that you're good people.

Sigh.. what a sappy blog post.
Geesh. I need to get a grip.
Ok, seriously, tomorrow, a good TGIMolly style blogpost.

Love you big!

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