So, here's the thing. If you are my grandma, or anyone's grandma really... you shouldn't read this post.
You have been warned.
I've been putting off a lot of posts. I have them in an idea area, but nothing completed. Things about the toughest times since Zack left, and posts about insecuritites I've had since he's been gone. Potential or future posts, that I am delaying until the emotions associated with them aren't quite so fresh. I choose to post about these things because of how many people have said that the things I write to them make them feel less alone in what they go through. I promise to post them, just not until Zack gets home and I can squeeze him when I'm bummed. Deal? Anyway.
This post was on my list, for many reasons. First, as previously stated, I want Zack to be here to fix the .... ahem... emotions ... that this post will bring up. Honestly, I wasn't sure I would post this at all, for the sake of... Oh, I don't know...
The fact that I really hate the visuals many of you will get when reading this... or do I? ha.
Who knows. But. I've decided it's time.
So, here it is ladies and gentlemen.
There are a few things about marriage and co-habitating that you grow accommodated to that are hard to give up. For example, sleeping alone. And sleeping alone.
It is hard to go from regular... uh.. interaction... to zero.
I need to get laid. That's the long and short of it.
Seriously though, I miss being touched and touching. So much. It's obscene.
My brain is functioning like a teenage male.. nearly everything my husband says is followed by "that's what she said" in my brain. I feel like everything he says is sexual.
I miss seeing him naked. I miss his big.. amazing.. lips. Oh kisses. I miss kisses.
I miss being massaged and tickled. I miss him playing with my hair! Which led, partially, to the awkward moment I am about to share with you, blog readers.
Since Zack left, when I feel deprived of human contact I schedule a pedi or mani. A facial perhaps. Recently I scheduled an appointment to get my hair done. It had been nearly 4 months since one of my appointments, and I really needed it. Really.
I had a groupon so I had never met this incredibly nice lady who was coloring my hair. She was keeping perfectly pleasant conversation about my life and my sweet Sailor man while she mixed the color and continued with it into the application.
About 15 minutes in... I realized how hard she was trying to keep the conversation going. Which was weird, because you literally can't shut me up. Took me a second to take stock of the situation.. when I realized.. I was MOANING. Omg.
I was like "Oh my gosh! Have I been making innapropriate noises while you have been putting that in my hair??? This whole time?!" She started cracking up.
I was mortified. I nearly got up and left.
Sexual deprivation for military wives is a very serious thing. When you first hear about women cheating on their husbands while they're deployed you judge them harshly, and they deserve it. They're awful horrid women. Cheating is not an option. However, after a few months alone, single and married... forced into celibacy... when you don't make excuses for those women, and you still judge them, and they're still horrid, but you have a tiny bit of understanding.
It is unnatural.
People need touch.
Our relationship, our amazing bedroom skills, are worth waiting for. But, I am still a grumpy gopher after watching a particularly graphic sex scene on tv, or at this point, finding and packing away all the penis items from my bachelorette party.
19 days. 19 days. 19 days.
Oh husband, how I miss and love you. My sweet, sweet, love. I can't wait to see you, Punkin. You thought it was hot in Bahrain? Wait til I get you home. ;]
Bye bye sweetie pie's!